How soon is too soon/when is it appropriate to renew vows?

posted 3 years ago in Vow Renewals
  • poll: When is it normal to have a renewal vs. when should WE do it??
    1 year on average : (6 votes)
    3 %
    5 years on average : (27 votes)
    11 %
    10 years on average : (81 votes)
    34 %
    20+ years on average : (45 votes)
    19 %
    1 year for y'all : (12 votes)
    5 %
    5 years for y'all : (27 votes)
    11 %
    10 years for y'all : (20 votes)
    8 %
    20+ for y'all : (18 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    It is appropriate when you think it is. I think it’s a very personal topic and that your guests will understand why you want to do a vow renowal, especially if you’ve been through tough times and didn’t have the wedding (and memories) you wanted in the first place. Family and friends will be happy for you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1441 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’d say 10 years at the soonest but 25 would be more appropriate.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My husband and I decided a 10 year vow renewal would work for us. Like you we didn’t celebrate our marriage with friends and family the way we really wanted to. Besides our vows, the first time, were just promisies without a lot of substance because we married within a year. I think when we renew our vows it will be way more substantive and sentimental.

    Post # 6
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I voted 20+ years on average but honestly I think it’s up to the couple.

    Clearly you two have been through a lot and if you want to almost start over and re-new I think it would understandable. How long have you been married so far and would you invite all the same guests? Maybe on the 2nd round you might want to invite a smaller, more intimate group? The only thing I would be worried about if I invited all of the same guests after an already short marriage is that I wouldn’t want my guests thinking they were expected to buy us gifts again.

    Post # 7
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @ffterwifey:  It sounds like you and your new husband have been through a lot in your new marriage.  I’m sorry.

    But honest question…even if your wedding didn’t look as you wanted, does your marriage look like what you want?  Are you thrilled to be married to this man?  Your wedding was just one day…your marriage is what matters.

    Can you get some nice photos taken without having a wedding/vow renewal?  What about going to a professional photographer and having some family photos taken?  

    With that said, if you are going to do something very meaningful for you, go for it.  I personally would invite a VERY SMALL group of people (parents/siblings/a few best friends) and don’t make it into your wedding do-over.  Make it a celebration of your first year of marriage and no one will think it’s tacky.

    Post # 8
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think normally 10 years would be the minimum, but in your case, only because you had what sounds like a rough wedding the first time around, I think 5 years would be fine.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2247 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @HannahGrace:  “I’d say 10 years at the soonest but 25 would be more appropriate.

    +1.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think vow renewals are most appropriate at ten years or more. However, we are doing ours at five years for personal reasons. My parents are leaving the country next year when we will be renewing our vows. We eloped and I think this vow renewal will be a great send off for them. My mother may not be alive in 2020 either.

    It all depends on your wishes and the opinions of those you care about the most. My family and friends are very excited about my vow renewal. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    In my mind the “ideal” vow renewal would happen after the couple’s kids started to leave the nest (so 20-30 years for average?). Basically the next life stage, where it’s just the two of you, focusing only on each other for the first time in a couple decades, reminding yourselves about the lifetime promises you made before.

    In your situation, doing it around 1 year isn’t really a vow renewal to me, it’s more like a big 1st anniversary party 🙂 Just my two cents! Whatever you call it and however you do it, I do like the idea of you still getting to have the party you wanted and leave with the photos expected, so do whatever you want obviously!

    Post # 13
    Member
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @aggie2010:  +1, I agree that some major shift in life would cause me to consider a vow renewal. A spouse beating cancer, overcoming a separation, kids leaving the nest, retiring, etc. Otherwise, in most cases, I think they’re a little silly. 

    It sounds like for you guys, you need the refresher a little sooner than the average couple. As long as it was really small and private like you described, I think it’s great. People who love you and know you’ve been up against (AKA the ones who really count) won’t bat an eye, I’m sure. 

    And I’m so sorry for your losses – what a hard year. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    317 posts
    Helper bee

    my philosophy is that this totally depends on whether you have guests. if it’s just you and your husband, do it whenever you want! if you are inviting close family and friends, i would say 10+. if you are going to have a large guest list, i would say 20+.

    i hope to do private renewals at 5 and 10 and one with guests at 20.

    Post # 15
    Member
    627 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We renewed our vows one week after our wedding 😉 lol

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    For the general public I think after 10yrs is acceptable, at least 15yrs would be “normal”, and after 20yrs would be my personal opinion of what is best.

    For you guys, I would say at least wait until your 5yr anniversary. If you want all others to be totally on board, I would say wait until your 10yr mark.

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