- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I am absoulutely dead set on having our wedding on the same day as the anniversary of when we started dating. The only problem is, that in the year we want to get married, that will fall on a wednsday(or a thursday if we dont graduate early). We're already having a long engadgement (we have already been engadged nearly a year) and I don't want to push our wedding back another two years just to have it on a weekend, on the day we want.
We want to have our wedding under the stars, so it would not start until maybe 7-8 or so, which is after most people get off of work. Also, we are not inviting children. Would it be too bad to have a wedding on a wednsday night? If you were invited to one, would you refuse to come because of the timing?
We are getting married on a Thursday because we love the date. It has special meaning for us. We are not concerned about what other people think. They have plenty of time to make plans to be with us, if they want to. We are also not including children for the most part. The only kids that will be there are kids of the wedding party.
As long as you are okay with losing guests, then go for it. Otherwise, you may want to reconsider...I know I wouldn't be able to go to a wedding on a weeknight because I get up at 3:30am everyday for work. And if your wedding isn't until 7 or 8, what about a reception? And if people have to travel, They'd pretty much have to take off at least two days in the middle of the week. What about if you and hubby go to justice of the peace on the actual date and have a "wedding and reception" that weekend??
I would still go if it were a local wedding, but it would be hard to stay late. Maybe plan on a short cake reception?
ETA: I will say, there's no way I'd go out of state (or more than an hours drive away) for a weeknight wedding. You might consider where all of your guests would come from.
If you wanted to compromise, maybe you could have the ceremony on the day of, but a party/reception on the weekend after?
We're having a Monday wedding and most of my family are out of country so they'll be taking time off regardless, to come. Many of my friends will be coming but will miss out on the ceremony (which is totally cool with me). We have to have a weekday wedding due to our venue (its a private country club and so no large events ever take place on weekends).
I think you need to do whats good for you! Its YOUR wedding! =)
I think it all depends on where your guests are located and who you are planning to invite. If you are planning on having a small intimate affair with local guests then maybe you can talk to those people and get a feel if they would be able to come. For me even if it was local I would need to take 2 days off from work, Wednesday to get ready and Thursday if I stayed late at your wedding. With that being said I would have to be really close to the bride and groom to attend their wedding.
I'd plan on it pretty much being family... I know I wouldn't go to a wedding under those circumstances. It's a little....for lack of a better word; selfish.
So people are going to have to come home from work, get dressed up for a wedding (possibly having to buy something to wear), pay for a babysitter late at night on a school night, so it's not like many cheaper younger babysitters will be available.. what about people with kids with homework?
And then after all that they have to be out late and have to go to the work in the morning? Not to mention most of them will feel like they have to bring a gift.
Just so you can have your wedding on a particular date? I would think that's a little odd if I were a guest. That's asking a lot of people so you can have a number on your invitation.
Sorry, just rubs me the wrong way.
ditto with fiya exactly.
I think having your wedding on a week day say something like Monday or Friday is ok guests have a weekend to recover or travel but just to have it on a particular date?
But your wedding aye... do what you want. sorry im not really the popular opinion.
Sorry, but I agree with fiya and ccrane. Could you just do the justice of the peace thing on that day and then the reception on the weekend?
I also agree with Fiya - I wouldn't go to a wedding like that unless it was for close family (and even then, I'd be a little like, WHYYYY?). I'm just too busy and tired during the work week to go to a big event on a Wednesday night. Or I guess I could take off the day of and the day after, but I don't have a lot of vacation time and that seems like a waste. It's just not very guest-friendly.
I wouldnt have a problem going. I think i would actully like it better then spending a whole saturday or sunday at a wedding!
Yes I agree. It really can be hard for people to attend in the middle of the week. Personally I probably would not travel more than 30 minutes to get there.
But assuming you are ok with having a family reception and loosing a few guests, I still think you need to be prepared that it will not be your typical wedding timeline. An mid week wedding like that does not allow for the same amount of time a weekend wedding does. Typically you have all day to get ready, the ceremony late afternoon and a 5 or so hour reception afterwards. If you aren't starting until 7 pm thats really late. That puts your ceremony and reception between 7 and 10 pm give or take a bit.
I would say the latest I would be willing to stay out would be 10 or 11. If it was really close to home maybe a bit later.
So if you are ok with only having a 3-4 hour reception and not having as many guests then go for it.
In my opinion, I would want to make sure everyone I want there has every opportunitity to attend and I want as much time as I can with guests to celebrate.
To be honest, I wouldn't attend unless you were family. A Wednesday wedding is incredibly inconvenient for everyone involved. I also wouldn't feel like I could enjoy myself because I had to go to work the next day. Is it really that important to have it on your dating anniversary?
As PP said, I would probably skip a Wednesday wedding unless it was 15-20 minutes from my house and a family member or very close friend getting married. I would not stay more than a couple of hours.
With a later wedding like that, I'm not sure if you are planning to serve dinner? I feel like most guests would eat beforehand regardless, which is another inconvenience on a weekday.
Ultimately, it's up to you, but be prepared for lots of guests not to come. Also, I think you may get negative comments from friends and family about inconveniencing your guests for no good reason. I like the idea of a small ceremony on the Weds and a weekend reception.
Eh, I am Jewish and most of our weddings (orthodox ones) happen on a weeknight. I don't see the big deal as long as you know people may decline. I know plenty of people who go out to the wee hours during the week and manage to get up and go to work the next day.
I think the people who really want to be there, will be there. I say go for it! And for the people that can't make it, I'm sure they'll be able to find a way to congratulate you!
Close family or friend, and even then, i'd probably only come for the ceremony, then leave. Even if it was family, i'd plan on leaving by 9 or 930pm. I do have to work the next day, ya know? And it's not like I go out during the week.
My uncle got married on a Wednesday. It was Valentines Day. They had a huge wedding with over 300 people. I dont think it put anyone off. I attended and had to travel 2 hours to do so.
Marriage only lasted 8 months, but he married a psycho who had been married 4 times before. We tried to warn him, but love is blind sometimes :)
I would only go to a wedding on a Wednesday for close family and friends, and only if it was very close to home. Even if I went, I wouldn't stay out any later than 10 or so. If it was just a cake and punch reception that might be fine, but if it was a full dinner with dancing and such, it would be really inconvenient to have it in the middle of the week.
It may be difficult to get out of town guests to come because they would likely miss two days of work—the wedding day and the day after. That's a lot of vacation days for a lot of people.
Could you start it a little earlier, perhaps? I think the timing could be problematic for people.
If I were local, I'd attend, but I don't think I'd be able to stay till midnight. :( As much as I would want to!!!
One other suggestion, if you don't want to lose guests but want to honor the date, could you have your rehearsal on your dating anniversary? Just a thought.
For someone like who gets very limited vacation time for the whole year, a mid-week wedding necessitates me taking 2 or 3 days (depending on how far away it is) off. This is a HUGE percentage of my overall vacation for the whole year so you'd have to be VERY close to me for me to sacafice that to come to a mid-week wedding.
I agree with fiya completely - very well put. And if you really feel that your marriage license MUST say your dating anniversary (which, personally, I think is a little silly - Sorry!) then go to the courthouse on Wednesday and then have a reception that weekend.
I think you’ll have to weigh what’s more important to you and your FH – having the wedding/reception on that dating anniversary date, or having more friends and family at your wedding. I don’t mean to sound mean by saying that, but honestly, IMO it’s going to be very inconvenient for people who work full time, or would have to travel to attend a Wednesday night wedding.
As others have suggested, why not get married on your dating anniversary, but have the reception that weekend?
I would go to a Wednesday night wedding of friends/family (if they were local – under 1 hour from me), but likely would not stay past 10.
Honestly, I would only attend if it was a very close friend or family, and even so I would probably do so begrudgingly. Weekdays are very busy in our house and The Guy usually doesn't finish work until close to 7, so he isn't usually able to make after-work events.
Last year my cousin had her wedding on a Friday and even that was tough for us, as we both had to leave work early (wedding was about 1.5 hours from where we live) and bring a change of clothes with us to work.
Just because you don't get married on your dating anniversary doesn't mean you can't still celebrate it as a special day every year.
The thing about weddings is, in my mind, that when you choose to have a wedding with all the trimmings (that is, not just you, your man and City Hall), you are choosing to throw a party. And when you throw a party, you should be mindful of what works best for your guests, and as many above have echoed, a weeknight wedding might be tricky for guests, and might not give you the wedding you always wanted (if many people aren't able to attend).
Maybe you can do a Justice of the Peace with close family early on in the day (immediate family probably wouldn't mind getting the day off) and then a reception in the evening for a couple of hours. I don't think you could really fit everything into the span of 2-3 hours - plus you'll have people getting their late (if they get stuck at work) and leaving early (if they have to get up early)
If I had to travel, I'd be annoyed, and likely wouldn't even be able to make it given my schedule.
If I lived in your town, it'd be fine as long as the traffic isn't too bad at that time (I missed a wedding ceremony once b/c of rush hour traffic). Remember that many of your guests will have to go to work the next day, so it should probably end on the early side.
I would probably go, as long as it was fairly close by. I would probably leave early though, and probably wouldn't arrive until later.
i think it depends on whether you have out of town guests. i wouldn't travel for a mid-week wedding, but i'd likely go to a local one, though i'd want to get home by 10 or 11ish.
It it was close by, I'd probably attend a weeknight wedding, however, I think I'd be rather cranky and tired! I think that you'll have to be prepared for your guests (whomever does make it on a weeknight) to not be as fresh, jovial, and excited as they might be on a weekend. I just know that I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself as much, regardless of the happy occassion. Knowing that I'd need to go home and wind down/prep for work the next day... I'd be itching for everything to get done as early as possible.
I really love another commenter's idea of going to the courthouse on your preferred wedding date and then having a big celebration on the weekend. I think you should seriously consider that option -- sounds like the best of both worlds to me!
It depends what you want to do - if you're only inviting a few close friends and family members for a small reception and they live locally, then it might be okay. If you want to have a bigger wedding - more people, longer reception, dancing and bar, etc etc and/or you have a lot of out of town friends, it's going to be a problem. Most of the weddings I've been to have had a LOT of out of town guests, often from the other side of the country. I know if I had to travel cross country for a Wednesday wedding, it would mean taking off 3-4 days.
I'm not a big fan of doing something just for the date anyway... whatever date you choose will have meaning to you.
we are getting married on a Sunday, Its cheaper and the only date left September at our venue
I think it's fine. As long as you're expecting to get a lot of nos, I don't think it's rude at all. It's your wedding, and you can have it whenever you want to. The people who matter will be there, and those who won't be there, that's their decision. You're not throwing a tantrum for those people who aren't coming, and I don't think anyone has a right to throw a tantrum b/c of the date you picked. If it's so inconvenient for them, they can RSVP no. I say go for it!
Like others have said, it's pretty inconvenient for guests to attend a Wednesday night wedding.
I would probably only attend if it was very close to my house, and even then I would leave around 9:30, 10 at the latest.
You have to think of your wedding party as well. What about your ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner? That would most likely have to fall on Tuesday and make people take time off from work as well. Your wedding party would most likely have to take Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off (why even go to work at all in that case??).
It's just not ideal. But, if your "vision" is to have a small wedding with just immediate family and super close friends, then it's definitely possible. I just wouldn't expect a large wedding with lots of OOT guests.
I agree with a lot of the comments, it would be really inconvenient. I would probably find a way to go if it were local, and I would not go if it were out of town, unless it was for my brother or best friend.
A few things to consider if this is the date you are set on:
- have a small destination wedding. If VIPs aren't local, you're asking a lot of them to travel to your wedding. I see you are in Santa Cruz- its lovely there. Book a small resort in the area and make it a whole event.
- have a tiny ceremony for your VIPs, then have a reception on the weekend.
- if you're set on a more traditional reception, I would compact the schedule as much as possible: have dinner on the table ready for the guests, do a tapas reception, have dessert and dinner out at the same time, etc. I think if it is a late event, and dancing, for example, doesn't get going to 10, you won't have many people there.
I just have to give you an update.
I have received several confirmations already that people will be coming to our wedding and reception and I haven't even sent out the save-the-dates or invitations yet. My wedding is on a Thursday. I have not received any declines and 99% of my guests are out of country. Everyone is excited to be able to come. If you want to have your wedding on a weekday, I say go for it. I think people like to have an excuse to be able to get away, and on a side note, hotel accomodations are less expensive during the week, so costs for everyone would be easier to handle.
@noritake: for the OP's edification, what do you mean by out of the county? Like, another continent, or are they driving over the border from Canada? I would think that a wedding where everyone is coming from another country is a whole other issue, because you wouldn't fly overseas for a weekend anyways. You're going to take a bunch of time off, so it wouldn't matter what day the wedding is on. That is much more like a destination wedding, in which case it doesn't really matter what day of the week it is.
I think we are all assuming that the OP is planning on holding a somewhat more typical affair: mix of close and far guests coming for a dinner and dancing reception. A lot of our answers will make less sense if she is deveating from that or if her guest list is significantly different.
I personally would not attend a wedding during the week! By the time my work day is over I don't want to do anything but relax! I don't want to get all dressed up and be at a wedding until the wee hours of the morning when I have to work the next day! I also don't think its fair to your wedding party to ask them to attend your wedding on a weeknight just because you like the date.
Personally, I probably would not attend unless it was very close to my house or it was for a very close relative (brother/sister). FI and I have really busy work/school schedules and both of our job descriptions rely on us to be alert and awake in the morning. I think it would be nearly impossible for us to get time off for this and I would probably be kind of bitter about it. Why does your wedding have to be on your dating anniversary? It is more important to me to be surrounded by the people who love me and for them to be happy about sharing that day with (not bitter and feeling inconvenienced). The date will become special because it is the day you got married. If you are planning on a very small wedding with local guests, then it might be ok. I wouldn't be planning a late-night party with dancing and drinks though. Most people probably won't stay.
I think it depends on the date. I've gone to weekday weddings before but they were usually around a Holiday. ie: the wedding was Wed. & 4th of July was a Thursday. Outside of that to be honest - I don't think I'd go to a regular weekday wedding. I'd still send you a present though. :)
I really like the idea of going to City Hall on your actual date then having the big to-do that weekend. I think it's also a lot more personal too - more intimate.
@everybody: thanks for all the responses. We are planning on having a small wedding, mostly family whole almost all live in san jose (I live in Santa Cruz by myself and would like to have it here but am totally willing to do it in san jose to be easier for everyone) And we also were not expecting to have a huge long event, there won't be a sit-down dinner or alcohol, just a desert bar. And I absolutely would not be offended by people not coming, more small and intimate is what we want.
I do think it could be a good idea to have the ceremony that day either with just VIPs or just the two of us at town hall, then a reception on the weekend. The only thing is that my aunt and uncle did the same thing a few years ago, and everyone in my family who wasn't invited to the ceremony got mad about it :p
I really don't want to be selfish and inconvenience everyone, and I'm not one of those bridezilla types who takes that "it's MY day I'll do whatever the hell I want and everyone else has to deal" attitude, but this is one thing that's really important to me. We're going to be celebrating our wedding anniversary the rest of our lives, and I think it would be so much more special to commemerate the day that fate brought us together, rather than something arbitrary date. We would have one day to celebrate the entire course of our relationship, rather than replacing our first kind of anniversary with a new more important one.
I think if that's the type of wedding you want, then you're probably fine doing it on a weeknight. Especially if you go to San Jose rather than asking your family to head down to Santa Cruz... that's probably a drive that's twice as long at rush hour as it would be heading back after the ceremony.
Just be sure to specify to people that you aren't going to be serving dinner. If all they're expecting is a couple of hours, some time together, and dessert rather than a big party with dinner and alcohol, they're more likely to show up. Also - not to show up starving. ;)
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 33 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 21 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| mypinkshoes | 18 |
| rebwana | 18 |
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| kat2014 | 15 |
| s.renea9 | 15 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| violet25 | 3 |
| jules28 | 3 |
| simpleandchic | 2 |
| AshleyR83 | 2 |
| rebwana | 2 |
| TwoCityBride | 2 |
| angela85 | 1 |
| AlliRae | 1 |
| pinkandsparkly | 1 |
 CassidyR |
1 |
