How the heck are couples affording children?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
1950 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Don’t have much to say, but that is a totally sucky situation and sending hugs to you!  Hopefully when your husband finishes his associates degree, he’ll be bringing in more income and you can save more.

That’s super annoying about your ILs =T

Post # 4
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Chelsey-Bell:  

#1 you’ll never have “enough” money to have kids….unless you’re really rich.

#2  The definition of Affordability of kids is different depending on the person you ask.

I guarantee you, the FI and I would laugh in your face if you told us we were financially ready to raise a child or two….yet..when my FI was a kid, with 2 other siblings, his parents made significantly less than we do now.  Where there is a will there is a way.

A child, if given the basics of nutrition, shelter and love, can grow up just as healthy and wonderful as a kid with a silver spoon in its mouth.  I’ve seen it happen.  Everyone’s situation is different and if you’re an outsider looking in – you really have no idea what people can and cannot afford.  

Post # 5
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Your in laws suck.   You sound motivated.  We don’t have children, and probably looking at adoption.  That said most of the men in my family have worked two jobs for a very very long time, my dad had 5 kids and worked three jobs.  We took naps when we came home from school so we could get up and stay up late to see him when he came home.    Hopefully you both will progress in your companies and start earning more, knock off some of the student loans.  Just know that you are not the only ones that are trying to do this the right way.  

Post # 6
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Chelsey-Bell:  I hear ya. It’s just the way it works unfortunately. Some people have kids for the sole purpose of mooching off our taxes …ahem… receiving assistance. It frustrates me to no end. Well, that’s the downfall of being honest and hardworking. 

Post # 7
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I was actually surprised at how little our spending has changed since we had our daughter. She is not draining all of our money. I mean yeah, we had to buy formula and diapers, but her clothes are handmedowns, and a lot of her toys are too. Now that she’s older, she eats what we do and that doesn’t put much of a dent in our food. We live pretty simple, not buying thing we don’t need and buying used when we can. We choose to live below our means because we don’t need everything on earth. We spend a lot of time outside playing and we spent $35 on a zoo pass which is endless entertainment. Having a baby does not have to break the bank, you’ll find what works for you. 

 

As a PP said, you will never be ready for a kid. 

Post # 8
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Tax Credit! 

Post # 9
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

Just about anyone can get WIC. Do they have that in Florida? 

 

Also, I would suggest moving to a cheaper apartment if you can barely afford to save. The last apartment I was in, was $1700, and our electric bill was $110 a month. We moved to an apartment thatis only $1045, and our electric bill here is only $30 a month. Now we have plenty to save at the end of the month.

But yeah… WIC is given out to pretty much anyone. If you have a baby and say youneed money, you usually getit.

Post # 10
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Comparing yourself to people mooching the system to get by isn’t going to help you afford kids. You two need to focus on how to bring in more money. If you have a college degree and experience, you should be able to make at least $40K, so how about starting to job hunt? And then what about tutoring or nannying on weekends to make a little extra cash? When your husband finishes school, he should be able to find a job that pays more too. It may just take a little while, but keep at it!

Post # 11
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@Chelsey-Bell:  We are having a tough time figuring out how we are going to manage. We both love our jobs but we make just over minimum wage. Houses in our area are at least $400,000, that would give you a small 2 bedroom. Also have the wedding and honeymoon. Finally debt free as of last April (I had $10,000 FH had $50,000). We will either have to quit our awesome jobs or move after the wedding…. sigh….

Post # 12
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Chelsey-Bell:  Yes, kids can be expensive. Daycare is pretty much the biggest expense. However, I’m a firm believer that kids are only as expensive as you make them. People are too concerned with how much stuff they need or can get for their kids – or having the latest and greatest of everything. There are TONS of strollers on the market, the cheaper ones are just as safe (if they weren’t they wouldn’t be able to sell them). Are they as fancy or have as many bells and whistles? No, but they get the job done. Same for all sorts of baby items. Don’t get me wrong, I too stress about how expensive having a baby is going to be. But you know what? You make it work. 

Post # 13
Hostess
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I think no matter what income bracket you are in having a kid is a considerable financial concern. As PP have said you really can never have enough money to cover all the life expenses over the next 18+ years. I think most couples just take a look at their overall situation, try to save and make the most of it. While you don’t have endless amounts of expendable income you seem to have the right idea of spending and how to get ahead and so this seems like a good first step. 

Post # 14
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

People have different lifestyles, what seems impossible to some is normal to others. You’ll never really feel like you have enough “extra” for kids. You just make it work.
The way you spend money can change so much once you have kids that you never even knew would.
Prior to having kids I complained a lot about not having enough spending money, lol now I wish I had half of what I used to.

I imagine they get EBT because they don’t make enough (according to the ebt people?) to afford food ontop of their other bills. You do make enough so..that kinda evens it out doesn’t it? It may seem like handouts and free money/food but they aren’t bringing in the income that you are. If you would rather quit you’re job and apply for that stuff I’m sure you could. I know people abuse the system, and that sucks for us that don’t and work hard, But you should focus on yourselves and what the two of you feel comfortable making/having and have the kids!

Post # 16
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@weddingbee098:  Mommy/Daddy’s little tax credit!

@Chelsey-Bell:  Everyone has different standards for what it takes to raise a child. FI’s parents had nothing when they got married (literally). By their 4th wedding anniversary, they had two kids under 3. They worked incredibily hard in order to get the life they have now and they were lucky enough to have a lot of family in the area to help them. It wasn’t easy by any means, but they were determined to give their kids the absolute best they could.

You and your DH should talk about your goals. Talk about how many kids you want (if you do want them), when you want to start trying, and what you need to do to feel comfortable starting to try. Come up with a plan of action and then focus on checking off the things you want to accomplish.

For instance, your biggest concern is about money. Is there anything you guys can do to cut back on expenses? Is there anything either of you can do to bring in more money? Will your DH be earning more money once he finishes his education? Would you both be open to looking for a cheaper place to live in order to save a bit more?

And I know that it sucks having ILs like that, but focusing on how unfair that is won’t do you any good. Focus on the things that you can change instead.

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