Post # 1
This is more of a vent session than anything else – so I apologize in advance.
My husbad and I really want to have kids someday and know we would be really good parents. However, at the rate we’re going, we don’t know how we’ll EVER be able to afford children. Our bills (rent, car payment, STUDENT LOANS) are high and we make just enough to pay them, leaving no room to save. My husband is in school and works part time, while I have a full time job earning…enough to get by. We’re both hardworking individuals living paycheck to paycheck like SO many couples out there are.
Here’s my frustration:
My inlaws have 3 beautiful children and make significantly less money than my husband and I do. The husband works part time and my sister in law is a stay at home mom. They get SO many handouts from the government ($800 per month in EBT) while my husband and I don’t qualify because we make “too much” money. Keep in mind, our combined annual income is about $32,000 after taxes. The inlaws are two perfectly able bodied people who continue to lean on the government for help instead of earning a fair wage.
So, to recap, I have a bachelors degree and work full time in academia and my husband is pursuing an associates degree and works part time earning slightly over minimum wage. We earn enough to pay our bills but have zero savings. Meanwhile, my brother in law with an associates degree works part time while his wife stays at home with their 3 amazing kids (which she takes totally for granted – she’s always complaining about being stuck inside with the kids all day. How many working parents out there would give quite literally their right arm to be able to stay home with thier kids?!!?!?)
My husband and I find ourselves worrying if we’ll EVER be able to have children. It just seems so backwards and unfair. Not to mention, when we do finally have children, there is no way I would be able to stay home with the kids. Going down to one income would not be an option.
I can’t help but feeling so incredibly angry and sad at the situation. We are hard working newlyweds who would be kick-ass parents, but can’t because of finances. Meanwhile there are couples everywhere who earn significantly less who manage to have growing families. I DON’T GET IT.
Post # 3
Don’t have much to say, but that is a totally sucky situation and sending hugs to you! Hopefully when your husband finishes his associates degree, he’ll be bringing in more income and you can save more.
That’s super annoying about your ILs =T
Post # 4
#1 you’ll never have “enough” money to have kids….unless you’re really rich.
#2 The definition of Affordability of kids is different depending on the person you ask.
I guarantee you, the FI and I would laugh in your face if you told us we were financially ready to raise a child or two….yet..when my FI was a kid, with 2 other siblings, his parents made significantly less than we do now. Where there is a will there is a way.
A child, if given the basics of nutrition, shelter and love, can grow up just as healthy and wonderful as a kid with a silver spoon in its mouth. I’ve seen it happen. Everyone’s situation is different and if you’re an outsider looking in – you really have no idea what people can and cannot afford.
Post # 5
Your in laws suck. You sound motivated. We don’t have children, and probably looking at adoption. That said most of the men in my family have worked two jobs for a very very long time, my dad had 5 kids and worked three jobs. We took naps when we came home from school so we could get up and stay up late to see him when he came home. Hopefully you both will progress in your companies and start earning more, knock off some of the student loans. Just know that you are not the only ones that are trying to do this the right way.
Post # 6
@Chelsey-Bell: I hear ya. It’s just the way it works unfortunately. Some people have kids for the sole purpose of mooching off our taxes …ahem… receiving assistance. It frustrates me to no end. Well, that’s the downfall of being honest and hardworking.
Post # 7
I was actually surprised at how little our spending has changed since we had our daughter. She is not draining all of our money. I mean yeah, we had to buy formula and diapers, but her clothes are handmedowns, and a lot of her toys are too. Now that she’s older, she eats what we do and that doesn’t put much of a dent in our food. We live pretty simple, not buying thing we don’t need and buying used when we can. We choose to live below our means because we don’t need everything on earth. We spend a lot of time outside playing and we spent $35 on a zoo pass which is endless entertainment. Having a baby does not have to break the bank, you’ll find what works for you.
As a PP said, you will never be ready for a kid.
Post # 9
Just about anyone can get WIC. Do they have that in Florida?
Also, I would suggest moving to a cheaper apartment if you can barely afford to save. The last apartment I was in, was $1700, and our electric bill was $110 a month. We moved to an apartment thatis only $1045, and our electric bill here is only $30 a month. Now we have plenty to save at the end of the month.
But yeah… WIC is given out to pretty much anyone. If you have a baby and say youneed money, you usually getit.
Post # 10
Comparing yourself to people mooching the system to get by isn’t going to help you afford kids. You two need to focus on how to bring in more money. If you have a college degree and experience, you should be able to make at least $40K, so how about starting to job hunt? And then what about tutoring or nannying on weekends to make a little extra cash? When your husband finishes school, he should be able to find a job that pays more too. It may just take a little while, but keep at it!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@Chelsey-Bell: We are having a tough time figuring out how we are going to manage. We both love our jobs but we make just over minimum wage. Houses in our area are at least $400,000, that would give you a small 2 bedroom. Also have the wedding and honeymoon. Finally debt free as of last April (I had $10,000 FH had $50,000). We will either have to quit our awesome jobs or move after the wedding…. sigh….
Post # 12
@Chelsey-Bell: Yes, kids can be expensive. Daycare is pretty much the biggest expense. However, I’m a firm believer that kids are only as expensive as you make them. People are too concerned with how much stuff they need or can get for their kids – or having the latest and greatest of everything. There are TONS of strollers on the market, the cheaper ones are just as safe (if they weren’t they wouldn’t be able to sell them). Are they as fancy or have as many bells and whistles? No, but they get the job done. Same for all sorts of baby items. Don’t get me wrong, I too stress about how expensive having a baby is going to be. But you know what? You make it work.
Post # 13
I think no matter what income bracket you are in having a kid is a considerable financial concern. As PP have said you really can never have enough money to cover all the life expenses over the next 18+ years. I think most couples just take a look at their overall situation, try to save and make the most of it. While you don’t have endless amounts of expendable income you seem to have the right idea of spending and how to get ahead and so this seems like a good first step.
Post # 14
People have different lifestyles, what seems impossible to some is normal to others. You’ll never really feel like you have enough “extra” for kids. You just make it work.
The way you spend money can change so much once you have kids that you never even knew would.
Prior to having kids I complained a lot about not having enough spending money, lol now I wish I had half of what I used to.
I imagine they get EBT because they don’t make enough (according to the ebt people?) to afford food ontop of their other bills. You do make enough so..that kinda evens it out doesn’t it? It may seem like handouts and free money/food but they aren’t bringing in the income that you are. If you would rather quit you’re job and apply for that stuff I’m sure you could. I know people abuse the system, and that sucks for us that don’t and work hard, But you should focus on yourselves and what the two of you feel comfortable making/having and have the kids!
Post # 15
@PixelMePretty: You are correct in that we have the higher income and therefore do not qualify for assistance. The part that get’s me is that they don’t even trying to earn the honest way. Frustrating.
Their problem – not our problem, right?
I will find inner peace eventually with our sitation.
Post # 16
@weddingbee098: Mommy/Daddy’s little tax credit!
@Chelsey-Bell: Everyone has different standards for what it takes to raise a child. FI’s parents had nothing when they got married (literally). By their 4th wedding anniversary, they had two kids under 3. They worked incredibily hard in order to get the life they have now and they were lucky enough to have a lot of family in the area to help them. It wasn’t easy by any means, but they were determined to give their kids the absolute best they could.
You and your DH should talk about your goals. Talk about how many kids you want (if you do want them), when you want to start trying, and what you need to do to feel comfortable starting to try. Come up with a plan of action and then focus on checking off the things you want to accomplish.
For instance, your biggest concern is about money. Is there anything you guys can do to cut back on expenses? Is there anything either of you can do to bring in more money? Will your DH be earning more money once he finishes his education? Would you both be open to looking for a cheaper place to live in order to save a bit more?
And I know that it sucks having ILs like that, but focusing on how unfair that is won’t do you any good. Focus on the things that you can change instead.