How the hell do i handle THIS?!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

That’s stupid. They’re having a POTLUCK. It’s not like they’re having to pay for a bunch of extra filet mignons.

Not to mention the many, MANY other issues there are with how they’re handling this.

Post # 4
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@peonyinlove:  OMG, your friend is so incredibly rude!!!!  I can’t even fathom half of what she said!

Maybe hold off on responding until other people have and hopefully they will point out how rude this is.  Otherwise let her know that you don’t travel that far/overnight/something without your FI or if you want to be blunt let her know that you don’t feel right attending an event that your FI is explicitely not invited to.


Post # 6
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@peonyinlove:  Send your regrets and mail out a Congrats card the week of the wedding.  No need to explain to her why you’re not going.  It’s 4 hours away.  It’s a potluck.  And your FI isn’t invited.

Post # 7
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@peonyinlove:  I don’t think you’re required to write anything back. Decide if yo want to go when you get the invitation and RSVP.  They’re allowed to invite (or not invite) whomever they want (whether or not anyone else agrees with it). But, you’re also allowed to decide whether or not you want to attend.

Post # 8
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@beachbride1216:  +1

What is this, a destination potluck?!?!

Send your regrets and if they ask why, you can say I’m sorry but WE cannot make it to your wedding that weekend. Send a “congrats” card, whatever.

Just don’t go out of your way for someone who couldn’t give less of a crap to go out of their way for you… over a POTLUCK.

Post # 9
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’d just stay my materialistic self at home. 

Post # 10
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You don’t write anything back. Wait until you receive the e-vite to RSVP yes or no. This gives you time to decide if taking the 4 hour road trip by yourself is worth it. 

Post # 11
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

Wow I would be frustrated with this situation as well. I don’t think I would go. It would be one thing if everything was close by, but since it’s so far away it just doesn’t make sense to go without your FI. This girl sounds a little crazy.

Post # 12
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If it where me I would write back a really passive aggressive note like “Oh sorry about the confusion.  When you said no dates I assumed you meant like new dates or people you haven’t met, since you’ve known FI as long as me it just never dawned on me that he wouldn’t be invited as well.  lol.  Anyways, thanks so much for the invite, we really wish we could make it but sadly will have to miss it.”


If you’d still like to be friendly with this girl you should probably be nicer than that though, ha.


Post # 13
25 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’d put my foot down and say he’s coming. All that matter sis that you’re there and he’s not in the pictures if that’s reall yhow she feels. It’s not like he’s just a BF tho. I think i’d have baseboards to clean that weekend.

Post # 14
6953 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@peonyinlove:  I don’t understand. It’s a destination for you and the ceremony is a 1.5 hour drive from the potluck reception? That just seems crazy complicated. Where are you supposed to even cook if you’re flying in? And why would the reception be so far away?

Look- they can have whatever wedding they want to have and invite whomever they choose, but if they are going to make it difficult to attend and annoying to their guests, they are going to have a lot fewer guests. Personally- none of that sounds fun to me and I’d probably skip it. 

Post # 16
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@peonyinlove:  That’s insane.  Even if your fiance were invited, if I were you I’d decline.  I don’t care how good of a friend it was… none of my good friends would ask people they care about to do something so inconvenient and poorly thought out.  How are you supposed to make food?  Bring it on the plane?!?

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