- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I really hope you guys can help!
I met two great friends in university (7 years ago now) , A and B. A is married, B is engaged and so am I. As soon as B got engaged, she immediately decided on a small, private ceremony in location 1 with a potluck right after in location 2 which is 1.5 hours away. Perfect, no problem, do whatever you like.
However, she also started posting rant-y things on facebook about how people who have weddings are materialistic, ‘don’t care about the marriage’ etc. Obviously i think this is really rude, we have lots of friends who are engaged or married and just because it’s not what you want doesn’t mean you should be so condescending to others.
Then – I was added to a group facebook message by A about B’s wedding in which she basically backtracked on not having guests and decided that she would like to have ‘the girls’ there ‘but no significant others are invited to the ceremony, pot luck only’. hm. note that the ceremony and potluck are 1.5 hours apart, so it’s not like i can skip off to the ceremony for half an hour without my fiancé, it’s 4 + hours just to attend the ceremony. At this point, I wasn’t even sure I was invited, as I wasn’t originally in the message and hadn’t been added my the bride, but I was sure that if I was invited, my fiancé would be invited too – he also went to university with us and she’s known him (well!) for nearly 7 years – i thought the no ‘significant others’ meant no +1s or dates they didn’t know.
Tonight, I was asked for my email address to receive the evite for the wedding – I responded with a shared email account that my fiancé and I have and received an email which states that my fiancé is not invited and it’s nothing against him, but they don’t like another guy’s girlfriend so ‘no dates’ is their way of not having her.
1) what the heck do i write back to that?! i typed out, ‘oh okay, i understand’ and then deleted it, because i don’t, and i would be so upset if someone left me out like this.
2) my fiancé has known the couple 6 months less than me total – we all went to school together, hung out constantly etc. it’s just really rude to lump him in with +1s they’ve never met.
3) We would be flying and paying for a hotel for this wedding – and I still don’t get to bring my fiancé?? This friend has also gushed about how excited she is for my wedding – and at this point, I’m not sure I even want to invite the couple! I mean, if they consider my future husband just another nameless plus one…then what friendship could we possibly have as couples anymore?
4) It feels very ‘come celebrate my wedding, but I don’t care about your relationship/marriage’.
It’s not a situation where ‘if we invite him, we have to invite 2057285 more people.’ there are 10 of us invited, even if everyone brought only their husbands or fiancés they’d add i think 4 people.
So what the heck do i write back to explanation?!