Post # 1
A friend of mine sent me an email invite (something like a STD), and I’m not sure how to accept. The e-invite asks for a response with your name and mailing address, and says formal invites will follow.
My question is, should I include my husband’s name in the response with our address? It’s a destination wedding, and I don’t really want to go without him, but I also don’t want to presume he is invited! He has never spent time with the bride or groom, and I know she is trying to keep her guest numbers limited so I was honored that she even invited me (we don’t spend much time together, but I’d love to attend her wedding).
The e-invite is not addressed to me, it was just a generic one announcing the couples’ wedding. Do I respond with just my name, or Mr & Mrs Me?
Post # 3
hmmm….Well if you write both she wil have to work you both in if she wants you to come and if you only put your name then she won’t assume him comming. Maybe -email her privately?
Post # 4
Assume that your friend has contacted you to get your social contact information — for whatever reason. Nice to know that she has an upcoming wedding and might invite you, and true that she might also choose to invite your husband (and in fact should.) But she may also use the contact information to send you Christmas cards; or to invite you both to dinner some time in the future, or to send a letter of introduction to a new friend who might be a useful networking contackt for your husband. There are oodles of good reasons for keeping the contact information in your visiting-book up to date (hint to brides and not-yet-brides: start doing so now so that you already have this information and don’t have to send out pre-invites and other awkward inquiries.)
It used to be that we all had little cards with our name (complete with title) and address and at-home evening engraved on them, and left them with one another so that these address-mining expeditions were unnecessary. When you send the information back, you should include all of that, for both you and your spouse or fiance, and your phone numbers, email addresses, and household website. If you are married or equivalent, put your names together in the exact form that you prefer to receive mail. If you are only engaged, send your title and name followed by your address, and then in a second block of text send his title and name followed by his address. Send the resonse in the same manner you received the request: by email.
Post # 5
@aspasia475: No, the email is an actual wedding invitation, at the least I have been invited. It was sent through a service and the invite says to “email acceptance” with home address.
I don’t really see how I can contact her to ask about my husband coming (or not) without being rude/presumptive.
I guess I could just respond with my name as Mrs X, and leave it to her to address the formal invites to Mr and Mrs X if she wants to?
Post # 6
I would respond with both of your names & address. When she sends out invites, if he is not invited, she will leave him off. If she does want to invite him, and you don’t give his name, she’ll have to contact you for more information. I would rather give too much info than not enough 🙂 I don’t think it’s rude or presumptuous…you’re not RSVPing with his name when he wasn’t invited, you’re just giving your names & addresses. She can do with them what she needs to do.
Post # 7
I would just email her or ask her the next time you speak with her if your husband is included as well. If she says he isn’t, you could politely say that you wouldn’t be comfortable attending without him, but thanks for the invite, and if he is then great 🙂
Post # 7
RSVP with your husband. If she only intended to invite you, then she’s the one being rude
Post # 8
I would definitely include my husband’s name when replying, no question. It would be ridiculous for your friend to assume that you would want to take a vacation/attend a destination wedding without him! If she chooses to address the invite to only you, I agree that she is the one being rude (but I doubt she will do this, so don’t worry)! I wouldn’t mention it to her. You and your husband are a package deal and I think she must know that already.
Post # 9
It’d be incredibly rude of her to NOT invite your husband – send an email back saying “Mr. & Mrs. Jade33
City, State Zip
If you plan on attending, I’d probably throw in a line about ‘can’t wait until the big day and hope all is going well’.
Post # 10
@Jade33: How odd. When you said it was like an STD and that a formal email would follow, I thought it was more preliminary than an actual invitation. I still wonder if perhaps that is what she meant, and just used an e-vite service to perform that function. I have never imagined inviting people to receive an invitation. Does the reply go automatically through the service, or do you send it directly to your friend via her personal email?
If you know your friend’s personal email just send her a free form note expressing polite confusion: “I got your pre-invitation today, and wasn’t sure whether you were asking for just my name and address, or for John’s and mine together. I’m sending you both combinations so that you have whatever information that you need.”
If you need to reply by filling in fixed fields on a reply form it’s harder. If they allow enough characters in the “name” field, I would write both options “‘Ms Jade Thirty’; or ‘Mr John Three and Ms Jade Thirty-Three’“, or however you actually prefer to be addressed both singly, and as a couple.
Post # 11
It’s a STD, don’t overthink it. 🙂 Those services aren’t exactly the most accomodating to customization and the evite you received isn’t a formal invite. Accept, send your info, include your husbands if it lets you. Also, with evite services there is typically a place to comment on a wall or include a comment with your response. Just say, “Bob and I can’t wait to see you! Congrats!” There’s a chance she has already considered your husband as a guest but the service didn’t have a place to put his name. If his name isn’t on the formal invite then I’d say something. Otherwise, again, it’s just a STD. That’s all.
Post # 12
Also, those services typically ask if you’re coming or not, even though they are only serving the function of date savers. I used one and we couldn’t remove the attendance question despite the fact that we weren’t looking for responses right now and we are sending formal invites later. So it makes them seem like they’re invites even when they’re not.
Post # 13
I agree with @claireos: . She is probably sending the email invite to ask for addresses so that she can mail the formal invitation later. We did this for our STD’s, and yes we couldn’t quite customize it the way we wanted, so some people thought we were looking for RSVP’s already. Kind of a bit awkward, but we tried to make it clear it was only to save the date and we only wanted addresses as a response.
I would contact her and ask if the invite is for your husband as well. No harm is asking.
Post # 14
It’s werid because by definition and STD is and FYI, not something requiring a reply. I would assume that she is a polite person and would be following etiquette and inviting both you and your spouce since you are a social unit.
Post # 15
From what you have shared, it seems that she is purely trying to find an acceptable way to collect information from you. When I began the planning process, I only had the mailing information for our immediate families and a few for our friends because we live in the age of Facebook and email. Since Fiance and i are busy, professional adults and don’t have time to keep “visiting-books” while simultaneously trolling wedding boards to espouse advice, we had to go to our older relatives for the addresses. I’d go ahead and reply as Mr. & Mrs. because it is only proper that both of you would be invited and if it’s not correct she will make a point to only include you on the formal STD/invitation.