How to address invites for dating people?

posted 3 years ago in Paper
  • poll: How to address invites to those with "serious" bf/gfs?
    Add their names too on the same invite : (28 votes)
    85 %
    Just say "so & so and guest" : (3 votes)
    9 %
    seperate invite for that person : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Just invite the relative and just tell them they can bring the other person : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1298 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    jsloops:  I think some people can take offense to “and guest”. If they are in a serious relationship then just put their name on the same invitation as your relative. No reason to waste a separate invitation, IMO. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

    jsloops:  Your best option is to address them each by name.  If they end up no longer together, your invited guest SHOULD contact you and say ‘hey, I know you invited so and so but we’re no longer together.  I’m now single so consider me to be attending and hopefully I can pick up a bm!”

    Post # 4
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Both on the same invite, and mail the invite to the “main person”. So if you were always going to invite Jane Doe, and she is currently dating John Smith, invite them both on the same invite, and send the invite to Jane’s house. If they happen to break up, Jane still has the invitation.

    You don’t send John a separate invite because (a) he wouldn’t be invited if they break up, and (b) it’s more polite to treat people as a couple. And it’s also rude to not acknowledge the couple, by leaving off John’s name or inviting “Jane Doe and guest”

    Post # 6
    Member
    11002 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Each adult living at a different address should receive his or her own invitation. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    6884 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    jsloops:  If that person is around a lot in your life (I’m guessing your grandma’s boyfriend would be the case) then definitely put his name on the invite too! Saying “and guest” would be super rude in that case. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Go grandma for having a special someone! 😉

    Add both names on the same card. That way you acknowledge their relationship while also being polite by saying that whoever’s BF/GF isn’t just “guest”

    Post # 9
    Member
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    If you know the name of the person your guest is dating, then have their names at the very least on the inner envelope. If you can do both on the outer and inner (or just outer if you’re not doing 2 evelopes), it will mean a lot to that couple. I had a lot of SO’s tell me how special they felt that their name was on the invite as well.

    Just for perspective – my DH (FI at the time) and I were already engaged when we were invited to a VERY close friend’s wedding. I have known this girl for going on 15 YEARS, she’s been around from when we started dating, and had hung out with us SEVERAL times. She addressed the invitation to “Ms. Tigergrrl2008 & Guest”. I was honestly kind of hurt – it would have taken two seconds longer to write out my DH’s name and she knows him personally.

    So take the extra time – I promise it will be noticed and appreciated by those guests of yours that are in relationships, but aren’t married yet.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1214 posts
    Bumble bee

    My understanding is that the woman’s name goes on the top line alone and the man’s name goes on the second line.  Do not use the word “and” unless they are married.  That’s what I’ve read from Martha Stewart or somewhere.  I’ve seen it numerous times.  You can google it.

    As far as separate invitations, that is acceptable too.

    Post # 11
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee

    I did a lot of research on this when I was getting ready to address our invitations (Martha, Emily Post, etc) I am no expert but here is what I did and why:

    for younger guests like my cousins in serious relationships but not living with SO, I wrote both names on envelope, my relatives name on top Regardless of gender and SO’s name beneath. I knew they didn’t know the ettiquete specifics and wanted to clear that their SO was invited but not just any rando guest of their choice.

    for my single grandmother who was welcome to bring whomever she pleased, I addressed it only to her knowing she is well versed in the ettiquette and she would let me know if she wanted to bring someone. However if she was not the type to speak up, I would have called her or included a handwritten note explaining her option.

    for our friends who were engaged and living together, I addressed to girl on top and guy next line. Same if engaged but not living together.

    ultimately, the most appropriate way to address the invite is whatever you think the receiver will be most comfortable or least offended by. If they are older, sticking to ettiquete “rules” and including second name on inner envelope or a note may be best But you know your audience.

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