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My answer became: Do you expect me to propose to HIM? No? Then why are you asking ME? Ask him!
This led to several of my friends asking him, lol.
I literally would just answer "You will have to ask 'T' hat question, I have no idea." No one really bugged me again. This response is the most effective when given in the presence of your SO ...
I just had to comment to say that the same thing happened to me. I was asked that all the time - just me, no one asked my FI. Sometimes they would ask us together, but they would be maintaining eye contact with me while asking. Most of the time I would just say, "I don't know...why? Do you know something I don't know??" and feign excitement in my face. The question-asker would usually say, "er...no..." and look a little embarrassed for asking. I didn't mind doing that because it was almost always someone I barely knew, just being nosy. If a family member asked, I would just say "maybe you should ask him" and they would let it go.
HA! I'm laughing at these. I guess my issue is that typically, I'm the type of person who puts things off that internally upset me by saying something witty. In this cse, this is such a long time coming that I'm actually at a point where I'm really, geuinely upset and I can't even fake a funny remark. I feel more like I want to burst into tears... I just don't know what to say anymore!
Near the end of my waiting period I started getting a bit surly with folks who would innocently ask me that infamous question. At one point, with someone I knew fairly well, I responded with, "I don't know....when are YOU getting engaged?" (she had only been dating BF for about 1 year). But to most, I would respond (in a super sweet tone), "I don't know but I would LOVE to find out....can you go ask BF for me??? Let me know what he says will 'ya?" This created an awkward position for the rude asker and usually allowed me to avoid the question. PLUS, I was getting really irritated with BF at the time for not asking yet (we dated 5.5 years before he popped the question!)
I just shrug and give them a smile. "Oh, I don't know." And I also use the "why don't you ask him instead of me?" line. I want to know too!
this book, "his cold feet" that was mentioned on here says to say "what makes you ask?". i think that's pretty good advice. it's really nobody's business when you get engaged or why you're not engaged yet. honestly, this will happen your whole life, now it's when are you getting engaged, then it's when are you getting married, then it's when are you having a baby, etc. it unfortunately never ends.
OOOH Iggies that is perfect! I can't do the coy/cute "whyd on't you ask him" thing anymoe - I've been doing it for two years. I needed something other than screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPP!" at them... which is inside all I want to do before I go have myslef a sniffle and tear in the ladies room!
I know how you feel, I am sick of this question. My response is much like the other ladies, I respond "Why are you asking ME?" I mean come on you know I'm not the one who is holding out on the proposal gesh!
I do not know why people insist upon continuously asking me that question, I'm already nearly bonkers over waiting, not like I have no clue how long its been. I could do without them picking at my wounds. LOL.
Haha gotta love that question! After dating 4.5 yrs, i get this question quite frequently..usually I giggle and say "Who knows..!!?" or "Ask him!"
Just tell them it will happen when it happens - it's supposed to be a surprise to you - so why would you know? Telling them to ask him is always a good idea, then!
lol, i get that a lot. i don't know how many people bug the guy about it. i mean, he is the one responsible for that stuff! i usually tell them that once we're in the same state and i'm finished my master's program, we'll be married so they'll have to wait just like me. if they keep asking, i direct all questions to him.
oh i love what makes you ask!! what a great response!! i usually shrug my shoulders and say i have no idea... or something like that.
I'm so sorry sweety but i do understand. I have been with my BF for 8yrs with 3kids and i HATE that question...So when are u getting married? i cant force him. i guess i'm with hellohello answer, Go ask him!
haha, personally when it happened with my ex, I told them to ask him and then my response became "when it happens I guess I'll know"
People stopped asking after that. lol.
Sometimes I'll laugh and shut my shoulders. If the question is from someone who shouldn't be asking me, I'll bluntly respond, "we're not." That usually shuts down the convo pretty quick. I like Iggies suggestion too!
ugh - now that the holidays are upon us, i am getting the dreaded $64,000 question! fortunately no one has been crass enough to ask both of us, but i am getting it from my coworkers who got to meet him at my company holiday party last night. oy! i'm tired of talking about it already. i see these people practically every day, so i can't be rude, ya know? sigh. 4 years and counting...
Ha, I tell them February. Cause... that's when it is.
Hello, I'm obnoxious and HATE surprises.
I hate that question too. It just sucks that we are the ones who have to wait and wait. I have been with my BF over 4 years, just this week a coworker got engaged whose been dating her BF 9 months! Boy did that sting....
I am not looking forward to the round of holiday parties where I will have to answer that question. I also get irritated when I see people who have not been dating for very long, or are not nice people getting engaged. I think they are going to start recruiting for Bridezilla in my hometown... lol
@speechie - oh i was there at my company holiday party earlier this week and BF's company party last night. several of his coworkers, some of whom i've met before but have never had more than a 5 min conversation with, and the same with my coworkers, ended up talking to a lot more, and many of the conversations went a little something like this:
coworker: so how did you guys meet anyway?
me: Craigslist
coworker: really? wow, that's great
me: yeah, he's a diamond in the ruff though. Craigslist isn't the best avenue for online dating, but it worked out for us
coworker: yeah, that's great! and how long have you been together?
me: 4 years
coworker (reponse version 1): wow! great! .... (long pause followed by the obvious wheels in head turning to decide whether or not to ask the next question, but thinks better of it and says nothing)... so what are you guys doing for the holidays? (or other small talk-y question)
coworker (repsonse version 2): wow that's great! so? what's next?
coworker (response version 3): (nodding) cool. well nice talking to you.
ugh. i. hate. it. suffice to say though, that unless some major disaster happens, this will be my last holiday season dealing with this!!!
I only dated my FI 1.5 years before he proposed. But that didn't stop people from constantly asking me starting 3 MONTHS!!! into our relationship. I couldn't believe it. I usually just said "Well, I'd like to get to know him first!" That usually worked.
I said this on a similar thread but it always has the desired effect so I think it's worth repeating.
When people ask me, I've started saying "we're waiting until I finish my gender reassignment so everything will be legal." Then I walk away while their jaws are still on the floor, lol.
I just said "I don't know" or "Ask him" or "We've only been together a year and a half." And if they press the issue I tell them that I'm trying to finish school and that I'd like to be able to legally drink at my wedding. Then they usually drop it. Although the admin at my new job was like "Oh, well I was only 19 when I got married and we'd only known each other 6 months and it'll be 24 years next March!" Yeah, welllll I'm not you.
I used to say "He'll ask me when he's ready and no sooner". That shut up most of them! For those really persistent ones I'd go "Well you can propose to him for me if you want". I think a couple of them actually did! Not whilst I was there though.
I now just answer this with a sad look and a shrug. If I'm feelin saucy I say never. I'm getting sick of waiting! :(
Both my BF and I get this all the time.. I usually answer with "That for him to decide not me"...I know he has told me people have asked him (I dont usually ask what he answered with).. weve only been dating for 7 months (although have been best friends for 8 years)..
I get asked this a lot, too. And even though, I REALLY want to explain to people how rude I think this question is (Obviously we're not engaged because HE hasn't asked so why are they asking me?). I usually just smile and say "Oh, I don't know, we'll see". I try to play it cool and act like that is the first time marriage has even crossed my mind.
I knew why we were waiting (paying off the ring) and I knew we were getting engaged so I'd say "when he pays off the ring".
People kinds questioned that at first, but then they SAW it and understood I was telling the truth!!! lol!
This last round of holidays was the worst, I had several friends and family members calling me up just to ask me if I was engaged.
I told mnbf that this is the last year I'm making coy, polite responses and that in 2011 and after I'm directing all engagement inquiries to him.
HINT HINT.
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Anyone else had this issue of people asking YOU - the lady who has been waiting for the ring - when you are getting engaged? It's "possible" that my engagement is coming over the holidays (thanks for blowing it, Mom...) but in the meantime we (and by we, I mean me) get asked at every single holiday event about our future plans.
We have been together 3.5 years. At 1.5 we bought a beautiful house which came with the whole "yes we are getting engaged" convo. Then, 8 months after buying the house he got "cold feet" and our hang up was him not being sure about us, which lead to a very short separation during which he realized I was "the one." Our engagement and wedding hang up is now money as I was unemployed for 10 months out of the last 14 - we are still trying to get back on our feet. We have discussed this issue personally and know we want to marry one another now, no questions, no doubts.
Some of the people asking are not close enough to us to know our "full story" or background - they are just nosy as heck. Others know more detail and have decided to begin chiming in. Either way, I can't believe they are asking ME this question!??
What do you say? I don't want people thinking we are having problems, that he is dragging his feet, etc. In fact - I really just want them to shut up about it! I'm already disappointed enough, I don't need to constantly be reminded... :(
Your help and input = much appreciated.