Post # 1
Anyone else had this issue of people asking YOU – the lady who has been waiting for the ring – when you are getting engaged? It’s “possible” that my engagement is coming over the holidays (thanks for blowing it, Mom…) but in the meantime we (and by we, I mean me) get asked at every single holiday event about our future plans.
We have been together 3.5 years. At 1.5 we bought a beautiful house which came with the whole “yes we are getting engaged” convo. Then, 8 months after buying the house he got “cold feet” and our hang up was him not being sure about us, which lead to a very short separation during which he realized I was “the one.” Our engagement and wedding hang up is now money as I was unemployed for 10 months out of the last 14 – we are still trying to get back on our feet. We have discussed this issue personally and know we want to marry one another now, no questions, no doubts.
Some of the people asking are not close enough to us to know our “full story” or background – they are just nosy as heck. Others know more detail and have decided to begin chiming in. Either way, I can’t believe they are asking ME this question!??
What do you say? I don’t want people thinking we are having problems, that he is dragging his feet, etc. In fact – I really just want them to shut up about it! I’m already disappointed enough, I don’t need to constantly be reminded… 🙁
Your help and input = much appreciated.
Post # 3
My answer became: Do you expect me to propose to HIM? No? Then why are you asking ME? Ask him!
This led to several of my friends asking him, lol.
Post # 4
I literally would just answer “You will have to ask ‘T’ hat question, I have no idea.” No one really bugged me again. This response is the most effective when given in the presence of your SO …
Post # 5
I just had to comment to say that the same thing happened to me. I was asked that all the time – just me, no one asked my FI. Sometimes they would ask us together, but they would be maintaining eye contact with me while asking. Most of the time I would just say, “I don’t know…why? Do you know something I don’t know??” and feign excitement in my face. The question-asker would usually say, “er…no…” and look a little embarrassed for asking. I didn’t mind doing that because it was almost always someone I barely knew, just being nosy. If a family member asked, I would just say “maybe you should ask him” and they would let it go.
Post # 6
HA! I’m laughing at these. I guess my issue is that typically, I’m the type of person who puts things off that internally upset me by saying something witty. In this cse, this is such a long time coming that I’m actually at a point where I’m really, geuinely upset and I can’t even fake a funny remark. I feel more like I want to burst into tears… I just don’t know what to say anymore!
Post # 7
Near the end of my waiting period I started getting a bit surly with folks who would innocently ask me that infamous question. At one point, with someone I knew fairly well, I responded with, “I don’t know….when are YOU getting engaged?” (she had only been dating BF for about 1 year). But to most, I would respond (in a super sweet tone), “I don’t know but I would LOVE to find out….can you go ask BF for me??? Let me know what he says will ‘ya?” This created an awkward position for the rude asker and usually allowed me to avoid the question. PLUS, I was getting really irritated with BF at the time for not asking yet (we dated 5.5 years before he popped the question!)
Post # 8
I just shrug and give them a smile. “Oh, I don’t know.” And I also use the “why don’t you ask him instead of me?” line. I want to know too!
Post # 9
this book, “his cold feet” that was mentioned on here says to say “what makes you ask?”. i think that’s pretty good advice. it’s really nobody’s business when you get engaged or why you’re not engaged yet. honestly, this will happen your whole life, now it’s when are you getting engaged, then it’s when are you getting married, then it’s when are you having a baby, etc. it unfortunately never ends.
Post # 10
OOOH Iggies that is perfect! I can’t do the coy/cute “whyd on’t you ask him” thing anymoe – I’ve been doing it for two years. I needed something other than screaming “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPP!” at them… which is inside all I want to do before I go have myslef a sniffle and tear in the ladies room!
Post # 11
I know how you feel, I am sick of this question. My response is much like the other ladies, I respond “Why are you asking ME?” I mean come on you know I’m not the one who is holding out on the proposal gesh!
I do not know why people insist upon continuously asking me that question, I’m already nearly bonkers over waiting, not like I have no clue how long its been. I could do without them picking at my wounds. LOL.
Post # 12
Haha gotta love that question! After dating 4.5 yrs, i get this question quite frequently..usually I giggle and say “Who knows..!!?” or “Ask him!”
Post # 13
Just tell them it will happen when it happens – it’s supposed to be a surprise to you – so why would you know? Telling them to ask him is always a good idea, then!
Post # 14
lol, i get that a lot. i don’t know how many people bug the guy about it. i mean, he is the one responsible for that stuff! i usually tell them that once we’re in the same state and i’m finished my master’s program, we’ll be married so they’ll have to wait just like me. if they keep asking, i direct all questions to him.
Post # 15
oh i love what makes you ask!! what a great response!! i usually shrug my shoulders and say i have no idea… or something like that.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry sweety but i do understand. I have been with my BF for 8yrs with 3kids and i HATE that question…So when are u getting married? i cant force him. i guess i’m with hellohello answer, Go ask him!