- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
So I got engaged last week, yay!
We are having the wedding sooner than I had orgonally anticipated, and so I have been going full steam ahead with planning. Our financial situation is also different than I thought it would be, and while we can still afford a wedding, we have to be much more budget conscious than we may have had to before. So far, Ive been getting some amazing deals ($300 for a $1300 dress at a sample sale, $120 for all my linens, etc.) and have been keeping things on track, or under. So far, my FI and I have paid/are paying for everything but my dress and veil, which my mother graciously gifted to me. I also know that my mom and dad will want to help majorly with the catering costs of the wedding, which is a pretty big chunk and is greatly appreciated. They are thankful that I’ve found a space where it is generally less expensive than a hall (we can BYOB, food & room rental have been inexpensive), and so most of my suggestions have been met with approval. <br /><br />This is where is gets somewhat tricky with FI’s family (I will preface this with saying that I love my FIL’s, and this is not that I do not like them, but want to know how to approach them while keeping our relationship in tact). They are from an eastern europen culture different than my own, and all of a sudden, all of these cultural ‘musts’ are popping up, which are more expensive than my original plans, without any offers of helping to contribute financially. For example, I had found a baker who works out of her home, and had a wedding package that included 100 cupcakes and a small cutting cake for $100- amazing, and since cake is not really a priority for me, this was perfect. I mentioned this to my MIL along with other things that we had been planning/booking, and she immediately said that she and her guests would expect a cake, and that she wanted to look with a certain cake company that is one of the most expensive in town. To her credit I don’t think she may realize how expensive things may be, but when i mentioned that a cake for our guests may run $500-$750+, she seemed unfazed and kept on insisting. I sent out inquiries, and I will show her quotes, but she didnt seem to make mention of “Oh, don’t worry, this is important to me,I’ll pay for it.” <br />Whenever she suggest an upgrade, and extra person, etc. she always just says, “oh, my guests will more than cover their plate with their gift!” I dont feel comfortable waiting to see if in fact everyone did give a gift, and I dont want to rely on the gifts they are not obligated to give to pay for my wedding.
I told FI that I would like him to talk with his mom, and ask if there is anything that is importantto her, and if there is anything that she would consider contributiong to, since they have not said anything explicitly to us. I hate to step on toes and dismiss things that are culturally appropriate (which apparently includes giving a plus one to a teenage daughter of one of their friends who has a revolving door of boyfreinds >:() while also maintianing the budget, and doing what is right for FI and I. I am already trying to pick my battles, but we’re a week in and the stress is already starting to get to me. <br /><br />Does anyone have any advice for how I should deal with this? Should I just let FI talk to his parents about anything to do with the wedding, and keep my mouth shut unless asked? Or is it appropriate that I stand my ground and say “If this is important to you, maybe this could be something that you contribute towards?” Any advice appreciated!