- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
To make a long story short: we’re eloping. A wedding was NEVER part of our plan. You can read my bio for how but the FI and I live in south Texas and our entire family is in Michigan. They know we’re engaged, and haven’t asked many questions about “when’s the wedding?” His family hasn’t asked for probably obvious reasons, but I did casually mention to my Dad if he would be upset if I didn’t have a wedding. He said no.
I’m not having a wedding because my family situation is not great (not my relationships with them per se, just the fam in general) and I know my dad can’t afford it, I wouldn’t expect his family to pay for it, and we’re sure as hell not paying for an entire day for OTHER people — that does not seem practical.
So, we immediately decided to elope. We’re basically having a wedding without anyone present. I will still be in a gown, he will still have a tux, we still have a photographer, etc. etc. etc. (an elopement package if you will) and a priest, yadda yadda. It will be in New Orleans.
We have no plans at all to go to Michigan after we’re married. He may go for Thanksgiving, because of obvious cost, I will probably not join him. We’ve paid, are paying, for everything wedding-related ourselves and THEN some for other things we’ve got going on through the end of the year. So, a post-marriage reception is out of the question.
I guess my question is – how do we tell them? Literally no one knows, and I know for damn sure they have no idea we’ve been planning this. As much as I love my family, I don’t want a typical wedding, but I also do not want them to feel left out. I’ve been on my own since I was 18, joined the military, etc. etc. funded my college, now funding my wedding, I do not want to be guilted into paying for a trip up north either. (We also have two dogs, so both of us leaving requires accomodations for them, and we have zero family here.)
Do I tell them on the way? Immediately after? Should I send some kind of gift afterwards? I don’t want to come off like a total jerk. And even though my father said what he said, I’m his first born and only daughter…so I’m sure there will be residual feelings there.
Any thoughtful suggestions?! Thank you!