Post # 1
Looking for some advice. Recently got engaged and have announced to friends and immediate family but not yet extended family. What is the way to do this? Do we send out cards or something? And do we send the cards even to the people we probably won’t invite to the wedding as we are planning quite a small, intimate one? I’m confused as to how we do it so what’s the etiquette? There’s a family event in January and my partner and I will both be meeting people from eachothers extended families who we have never met before and it might be a bit awkward being asked “so is this your girlfriend?” Hoping somebody knows where I am coming from here!
Post # 3
I’m sure we did the tacky thing. Everyone found out via Facebook. =/ Nobody was upset or anything though.. at least these days its pretty normal. I know FI’s extended family pretty well, so if we didn’t to that we would probably just give them a call.
But since you don’t know them that well, then I don’t think a card is a bad idea. If its someone that you aren’t inviting to the wedding then I probably wouldn’t send a card specifically for that. Maybe just tell them when we see them. But that’s would be for our family members. If it was someone we weren’t inviting then we aren’t particularly close to those people.. and also engagements in my family are kind of “no big deal”.
Wish I had better advice. Normally my mom or aunt just tells everyone!
Post # 4
I don’t think there’s any sort of etiquette thing with this…. I texted the people I wanted to tell and my mother called the rest of my family members and announced it to the neighbors when she saw them.
Post # 6
Luckily the holiday season is upon us, so you can capitalize on it to make the big announcement. Some families send out Christmas / Chanukah cards with photos & a letter full of what happened in the last year. Maybe you can write one of those, and include a blurb about your engagement?
And by the way, congrats on the big news! My personal vote is sending out mini jack-in-the boxes that when you open it, the clown pops out with a sign that reads, “We’re engaged, bitches!” I’m sure you’re looking for something more classy than my “what-if?” land imagination though.
Post # 7
We got engaged and married in the dinosaur days before Facebook so we just spread our engagement the good old fashioned way – word of mouth.
I don’t think I would send a card announcing your engagement unless they are going to be invited to the wedding.
If you’re meeting your FI’s extemded family in January I think it’s great just to tell them in person.
Post # 8
Proper etiquette calls for sending printed announcements. That’s something that my SO and I are currently discussing (since he’s responsible for all things stationary).
Post # 10
@YogaFaerie: Haha, us, too. In fact, immediately after I stopped crying, I took a picture of my ring and posted it to Facebook. I texted several people, too. FI called his mom and brother, and then we headed to his dad’s to tell them in person. We told my grandparents in person the next weekend. My family all found out either from my grandma or like 6 months later at a family wedding when one of my aunts noticed my ring.
Post # 11
@vorpalette: Haha, glad I’m not the only one! Facebook is just so convenient and my go-to method of getting messages out! If it weren’t for the fact that I want nice looking invitations, I would probably just make our wedding a Facebook event. =P
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
We called parents, siblings, grandparents, texted close friends, then posted it on Facebook. That plus our moms took care of letting everyone else know. 🙂 PPs are correct re formal announcements, but I would warn that anyone who receives one is probably going to expect (rightly or wrongly) to be invited to the wedding so if you haven’t set all of that yet (and be careful, our guest list changed, mostly by subbing parents friends for ours) you may want to wait until you do.
Post # 13
The traditional proper way to announce an engagement, is to send a notice to the local newspaper for printing in the social columns (often as a paid notice) and to send hand-written notes to any close friends and family members who did not hear the news in person. Printed announcements, which are proper for the wedding itself, are NOT proper for an engagement notice; and since they are not traditionally proper, those who do send printed engagement notices tend to be seen either as pretentious, or as attempting to solicit gifts.
Nowadays, it’s a rare newspaper that has actual social columns, and few people read them anyway, preferring to get their news online over e-readers, and their social news from … (drum roll) … Facebook! Facebook is not the perfect medium for such announcements, being infested with 13-year-olds announcing pretend relationships of different sorts, but among grown-ups who represent their social status in a more-or-less serious manner, it does seem to be the most appropriate modern equivalent for the local newspaper social column.
You can reduce the burden of all those hand-written notes, too, by arranging to tell as many people in person as possible. The traditional way to do so is to give a large party (for no particular reason, as far as any of the guests know) and then announce your engagement during a break in the dancing, or while everyone is chowing down on the pulled beef, or during a break between episodes of your Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon. This is the traditional format for an “engagement party”, for all that it seems to be completely different from modern variety.
Post # 14
FI and I told our immediate family members and closest friends in person. We told other close people over the phone. Everyone else found out vis the grapevine or facebook.