Post # 1
I think this post might already exist (or similar) but I can’t find it. I am 8 weeks pregnant and DH and I were talking about when and how to tell our friends who we believe have been having fertility issues. We are very close to them but they have never opened up about it other than making comments about what it would be like if they could never have kids, etc. Should we tell them ahead of telling our other friends, in person, or through the mass text that we plan to send everyone? We can’t exactly say “We know this might be sensitive to you” but we also want to be as sensitive as possible. Any of you great ladies have some good advice for us? Thanks!
Post # 3
I had the same issue a while back and created a thread for it. It’s not easy, and I have to say that our friendship is not the same. I find that she’s been avoiding me because it’s hard for her, and it really hurts me. But I know that she just needs her time to adjust.
Hope this helps out: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-should-i-tell-my-friend-when-shes-been-ttc-for-over-a-year
Post # 4
@AvantLaLettre: I don’t have any super strong opinions on the text, but, if I were potentially facing fertility issues, I would NOT want to be told in person. I think I’d prefer a phone call, because, while I’d genuinely be happy for you, I’d want to be able to also be sad in private, without the pressure of my newly pregnant friend sitting right next to me.
Post # 5
Personally, unless they have specifically come to you and have talked to you directly about the issues that they may or may not have you are running on pure speculation that they are having fertility issues and I would continue to treat them as if they are not until I knew otherwise. Singling them out may cause a bigger embarassment for them than just lumping them with everyone else on whatever way you have chosen to share the news.
Post # 6
I’d say a personal conversation would be the best way to break the news to them. I do think you should prepare that they may not want to hang out with you as often for awhile, until the heartbreak dies down.. but don’t take anything they do/say personally.
Post # 7
You could also go into the belly of hte beast and go over to the What To Expect forum for those TTC and ask their opinions!
Post # 7
I honestly think you should proceed as normal and include them in your general announcement. Singling them out without knowing FOR SURE that they’re having issues might exacerbate the akwardness, you know? Unless they’ve confided in you that there is an issue, perhaps its best to assume (I know, I know) that there isn’t one.
Post # 8
DH and I are going through this now too. Our best friends are a married couple and we know that they’ve been trying for over a year to get pregnant. They’re undergoing testing right now. The wife has been very open with me about the process and it’s really been a scary time for her, especially since her husband feels very strongly about having natural children.
Luckily I’ve also talked to her about my charting and things and when we were talking about it right before the wedding I did mention to her the fact that it was funny that my “time” during the month fell the week of our honeymoon. At the time she was really excited at the possibility, encouraged me to enjoy the time with my husband and not worry about it, etc.
I think we’re just going to tell them with the rest of our friends. They will be genuinely happy but I know if I was in that situation it would be really hard for me to hear. I think I feel more awkward about it than they probably will because I feel so heartbroken for them that it hasn’t happened yet and kind of bad that it happened so easily for us. 🙁
This probably wasn’t helpful for you at all lol but just know that it’s a pretty common situation to be in!
Post # 9
Well, as someone who has been TTC since January (with one miscarriage), I have to say that I would actually be hurt if you treated me differently just because I have not had an “easy” path to becoming a mom. Every time a friend has announced their pregnancy, I have been very happy for them (and then had my own private moment of sadness for my own situation).
It sounds like you don’t know for sure if they have fertility issues and I think it could make things awkward if you treat it as bad news or sensitive news. I would just do like you are going to do with all of your friends whether it’s in person, via phone, etc.
Just my own opinion though.
Post # 10
Tell them the same when and the same way you would tell anyone else. You do not need to tip toe around others because you are living your life. Life happens to all of us! Now out of consideration for what you believe may be an issue with them, I would’t go on and on about it as if to rub it in their faces. But like I said, life happens. Why would you try to conceal your news and happiness? Would you expect someone else to do that for you?
Post # 11
Thanks, everyone. I agree that since they haven’t confided, we should probably treat them as we do everyone else. They have dropped a LOT of hints though, so much so that I think other people may have outright asked, but reading all the threads here on WB made me acutely aware not to ask or say anything until they decided to fully disclose. It’s just weird because we hang out with them all the time and if it weren’t for the elephant in the room, we’d just tell them in person. I guess we will just include them in whatever kind of announcement we make to everyone. Thanks ladies!
@BabyBoecksMom: Thank you, that was very helpful to read.
Post # 12
I actaully waited to tell my coworkers because one of the women I worked with had just lost a grandbaby. I did tell her in person before i told everyone else because I didn’t want to upset her in any way. So I can understand exactly where you are coming from. I chose to tell her in person simply because we see each other every day. If it is not someone you see every day then a phone call would suffice. Singling someone out can go either way. They might appreciate it or they might get upset. You know these people best.
Post # 13
@Miss Sapphire: Personally, unless they have specifically come to you and have talked to you directly about the issues that they may or may not have you are running on pure speculation that they are having fertility issues and I would continue to treat them as if they are not until I knew otherwise.