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How about, "Hey, Mom, thanks so much for the offer of helping with the flowers. We're finalizing a formal budget this evening: Do you have a sense of how much you might be able to pitch in, flower-wise? We're putting together the numbers."
If she's able to or wants to pitch in more, she'll probably take the "we're budgeting" opportunity to let you know.
Thats a tough one. I also have been married before and my parents paid for half of that. They are chipping in a little for this one and I kind of have just taken it as it come...I feel kinda wierd asking her since they paid so much before.
I think I would mention you are putting together you budget and since she mentioned paying for the flowers you just want to know how much to budget.
Great ideas ladies...I actually DO know how much she is willing to pitch in towards the flowers. It's just that I'm unsure if she is planning to pitch in towards anything else.
I feel weird asking...but I also want to make sure I know how much money we have to work with before I start finalizing our budget.
I'd leave it be. It sounds like the flowers are her contribution and she would have said something else if she was able/willing to do it. Asking for anything more seems a bit strange to me. As you progress with your planning, if she wants to contribute more, she'll mention it - but I wouldn't point blank ask.
I'd proceed with figuring out how much FI's family is pitching in and then cover the rest of the costs between you and FI. If your mom ends up contributing something more, then consider that against the amount you and FI contributed.
If she hasn't brought up the fact that she wants to pitch in in other areas besides the flowers, I would not bring it up. It may be a little tacky saying "Hey mom, thanks for the flowers...but what about the cake?" or something like that! (Of course you would say it more gracefully) But IMHO, if she wanted to pitch in more, she would have made that known to you already.
Yeah - that's what I was thinking as well. I was leaning towards just letting it be. Thanks for helping me "talk it out" ladies! ;)
I feel really bad though...my fiance has never been married before and his parents are paying for a HUGE portion of the wedding...at least 75%. I feel like a creep accepting money from them when I haven't even asked my mom for help.
So I guess there is a Part II...how do I tactfully explain WHY I'm not asking my mother for additional help when they are writing us some VERY large checks? Keep in mind we never asked his parent's for help either.
It sounds to me like flowers are what she planned for the contribution.
It's your FI's parents decision to give you money. They definitely don't have to do it!
If they ask, just say, "oh my mom's having a bit of a tough go, money-wise" or something like that? Or, just tell them the truth, "well, mom's paying for flowers!" My parents only chipped in for the honeymoon and my dress, and i got in the habit of saying stuff like that or "ah well now i can do what i really want!" But I don't see how, if they ask, it's not polite of you to say, "well, i've been married before and my mom contributed to the first one so i feel guilty asking for money when she has already generosly offered to help with so many things (flowers)".
Frankly, your mom's finances are none of THEIR business
Good point ejs4y8!! I guess I just need to get over my guilty feelings about being married before. TRUST me...I wish this was my first!! ;)
In the same boat. Married before. This time I'm paying for the wedding, but my mom offered to pay for our honeymoon. Um, thats great- but exactly how much are we talking?
I wouldn't bring it up either. Most parents will offer their help immediately if they plan on contributing. I personally wouldn't offer much if it was my daughter's second wedding and we'd already paid for the first,but would probably do as your Mom is..offer to pay for one large item,or just offer a dollar amount. Flower prices can go all over the place,but since she's been through it before,I'm sure she already has some ideas. Maybe if you start talking to her about the types of flowers/arrangements/centerpieces you have in mind it will open up the conversation for her to say how much she's prepared to offer.
I think it's great that his family is contributing so much! Maybe they are because they know you had a wedding before and this is their way of helping you all out without insulting anyone? We got ZERO from my SIL's side in June ,but for my other daughter's wedding next May,her future IL's have offered to pay for the invitations,photography ,rehearsal dinner & wedding night suite as well as give them travel miles to the destination of their choice for a honeymoon! We're grateful for any & all help with 2 weddings in the same year. lol
OMG...I cannot even imagine 2 weddings in ONE year...ouch!
For my last wedding she paid about $3,000 towards expenses...my father and ex-mil paid the rest. She has said she will contribute $1,000 towards the flowers for my upcoming wedding...which I am MORE than grateful for. So...I think I will just leave it at that.
Letting it be with your mother sounds like the way to go, I'm sure she'll appreciate it. I think it's fantastic your fiance's parents are helping out so much. I also don't think it's any of their business whether or not your mother contributes, or how much. If they ask, change the subject :)
I'd say if you're going to ask anything, ask your mom for a ceiling figure for the flowers. Don't worry about the money issue in regards to FI's parents... they offered, it would be much more rude of you to ask your mom for money.
Just an update....I spoke with my fiance last night about my decision to not question my mom any further about her contribution to the wedding. He was totally fine with it...and he said it's none of his parent's business either. So I'm feeling much better about things. I just hope his parent's are just as understanding.
i'm sure that his parents are especially knowing you've been married before AND the economy's sucky right now. i think 1000 is pretty good for flowers as well, and you could always spend less than that on flowers and put the rest of the money she contributes on something else (like your cake for instance).
I think the flowers are her contribution. I think she would have told you if she was planning to help with something else..
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Hi Bees…I am in need of some advice. My fiancé and I are trying to finalize our budget and how much we can spend on each vendor for our wedding. His parents have been exceedingly generous but we still don’t have a final figure from them. So he is going to call them tonight to see if he can get a grand total from them as to how much they can help.
My parent’s divorced when I was very young and my father passed away last year. My mom has generously offered to pay for the wedding flowers, but again I’m not sure how much more she is willing or able to help. I should also mention that I have been married before and she contributed towards the cost of that.
My fiancé and I are more than willing to foot the bill on this wedding….but I feel like MAYBE I should check in with my mom to see if she has any plans to help out in other areas?
Do you think I should check in with her…or just let it be? If I should check in with her how do I approach it?