Post # 1
Hi ladies, I totally know you will figure this one out fast.
My college roommate is getting married about two months before me. We are the kind of friends where we can go months without talking, and it is like no time passed at all. Love her to death.
So, I need to ask her to be my BM, and I would love her to say yes. Two complications:
1) wedding is shortly before mine, in Columbus, OH and she is planning while switching between Ann Arbor, MI and NYC. She is busy, and I am in California!
2) I don’t expect her at all to ask me to be a BM, she has four sisters and is a part of a small Jewish community, and I don’t at all want to pressure her.
What is the best way to ask her while also expressing that I would love her to say yes, but totally understand if she can’t, and don’t at all expect reciprocation (I’m not even sure what I would say if she asked!)?
Handwritten letter? Just a phone call? What should it include? Thanks!
Post # 3
I gave all of my BMs a special note, in a pretty frame, explaining why I wanted them to be in my wedding.
You could do something similar, and include a line something like:
“I know that you’ll be very busy around this time planning your own special day, but I at least wanted you to know how important you are to me. I’d love to have you with me on my wedding day, whether as a bridesmaid or a guest, because your friendship means so much to me.”
That way, she knows you are asking because you care, not because you want anything in return. Make clear that her friendship is the most important thing.
Post # 4
i say keep it simple as your real friendship!
give her a call and say exactly what you told us!
it sounds like you guys have a great friendship, tho life and distance may keep you apart, i’m sure she’ll totally understand and be excited to be a part of your day!
Post # 5
I’d call her and tell her what you told us – tell her you’d love for her to be in your wedding and would love for her to consider it – but, would understand if she wouldn’t be able to because of what’s going on in her life. Keep it simple and let her decide. I’m sure it will work out great!
Post # 6
Definitely ask her! I gathered all my bridesmaids together at our Engagement Party and asked them there in front of everyone. Since this doesn’t look like an option for you, write her a meaningful letter explaining how much she means to you and why you want her up there with you on your day. Once she reads it, let her know that you in no way want her to feel obligated to put you in her wedding. Keep it simple and just share how you feel! Maybe she was wanting you in her wedding and was looking for a time to bring it up to you.
Post # 7
i would definitely just call her and tell her what u told us=) my friend actually did that and she’s getting married 1 month after us and she asked me to be a bridesmaid and i felt so honored and happy..i’m sure she’ll be happy you asked!
Post # 8
Call and ask!
I am a BM in a wedding this upcoming weekend and ^^ as you can see, haven’t even been married two months myself! =) My friend asked me in a great conversation, where she outlined the idea that she really wanted me to be a part of her big day, but understood if it was too stressful for me. I graciously accepted, and it has actually worked out well, because I have been able to give her lots of tips when it comes to filing paperwork and my experiences.
Side note as well, she was not a bridesmaid in my wedding either, same reason as your situation, pretty much – I just had my sister, DH’s sister and a childhood best friend as my bridal party.
Good luck =)