(Closed) How to ask bridesmaids to come to your DW

posted 7 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Some of my BMs are from out of town.  What I did was send them all cute notes on pretty paper.  Explain how you would love for them to be a BM, list date & place.  Explain that although you really, really want them to be there, you want them to take the time and really think about if they can be there for you (take time off school/work & book airfare).  That way, they had time to think and weren’t “on the spot.”

Post # 4
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i have 3 out of town BMs n i just told them, i would love for them to do it but would totally understand if they cant afford it and all 3 of them said they would do it since i gave them enough time to get the money together

Post # 5
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think that is fine.

They would have to pay to go anyway so it doesnt really matter that its not in your home state

Post # 6
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We were originally going to have a DW in Mexico.  We aren’t but when we thought we were, we asked our attendants and told them to think about it and let us know because we understood if they couldn’t afford to.

Most of yours could drive up…no?

Post # 7
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

While it’s a nice gesture, as far as I know, the couple is not required to pay for accomodations and airfare for their bridal party or guests for a destination wedding.

The trade-off is that your guests and bridal party members are more inclined to skip the wedding altogether because of the expense. So I would do as you suggested–ask them and explain it’s a destination wedding, make sure they understand it will be on their dime and let them decide whether or not they can swing it.

(I personally think it would be really nice if your BMs are going to pay for travel and lodging that you a) choose lodging that is not exorbitantly expensive or give them options and b) perhaps help them pay for attire, hair, and make up–or allow them to wear their own clothes)

Post # 9
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We are having a semi-destination wedding, and didn’t feel bad asking our wedding party to travel. After all these are our closest friends and siblings–we would be shocked if they didn’t come even if they weren’t in the party, regardless of the cost and inconvenience!

Post # 10
Member
2384 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m having a destination wedding in Mexico. My FI and I decided on just having a Maid of Honor and a Best Man. I knew who I wanted to be my MOH but didn’t want to put pressure on her if she couldn’t afford the trip. So I just wanted until she told me she could come before I asked her to be my MOH. 

Post # 11
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am getting married on a cruise ship in April. I had a good idea a year ago of who I was going to ask– but I just waited until they both booked their cabins… then, I asked them to be my bridal posse!

Post # 12
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Sweet ceremony by the sea and sunset celebration on the North Shore of Hawaii

i wouldn’t worry – if they are your closest pals they will be there. but, i was super cost conscious and made sure they only had to purchase the travel stuff and the BM dress, which is a reusable cocktail dress style {in grey}. no pro makeup or hair, no matching shoes, jewelry etc. best of luck to you! can’t wait to hear about your lovely wedding!

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with JennyWI- The couple is not required to pay for accomodations and airfare for their wedding party for a destination wedding.  I am having a complete destination wedding (Mexico) and told my bridal party that I would love and be so honored if they could make it, but that I realize that it is asking a lot and completely understand if they are unable to make it.  I know that they might not all be able to come, but like Ostrich said I also know my closest girls will be there.  

Most weddings are destination weddings for some people regardless, so I wouldn’t worry about it.  For me, I live in California but went to college in Colorado, and my FI is from New York, so almost every wedding we have ever been to has been a destination for us.  Sometimes we have to decline because of time or money, but when we are able to make it we are always so happy to be there.  


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