How to ask for a favor

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would just ask if they’d be willing to do it and offer them the dollar equivalent of whatever you think these things would cost.  Then they still have the option to make their own arrangements and don’t have to worry if their plans/diets are costing you more money than you were anticipating.  That’s always my issue when people offer “barter” type arrangements. 

Post # 4
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I think that’s a pretty awesome deal, lodging is expensive.


“Cousin X, FI & I think your SO is an amazing photographer and you are so talented with hair and makeup, as you know we are getting married on 4/24/14 in Italy, we are having a difficult time finding vendors since we cannot meet with them, we were hoping that in exchange for food, lodging and tours/sightseeing you and SO would consider doing our photography and my hair/makeup. You would have to buy your own tickets to Italy but we will take care of almost everything else. I understand if you cannot do this and I hope you and SO will still attend as a guests”


Then give her time to think about it. Laughing

EDIT: I agree with @SapphireSun I would maybe say you’ll pay for lodging and 1-2 sightseeing tours (or more depending on your budget) and will give them X amount of money for food. That way they know upfront how much they can spend on food and aren’t worried they are costing too much.

Post # 5
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@gingerkitten:  I think it’s fair… as long as they were planning to go. But ask them and see how they feel! Good luck 🙂

Post # 6
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Bazinga:  and I was going to say that I really like your wording. :). 

I actually had a friend that offered to pay for our hotel in exchange for making her wedding cupcakes and arranging her flowers and to “just let her know how much it was” as she didn’t have a room block or anything. The whole “is she thinking super 8 or four star hotel” was the most anxiety inducing part of the whole thing for me, since we would have picked a nicer hotel on our own if the favour wasn’t involved but I didn’t want her to think that I was taking advantage. 

Post # 9
2896 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i think it’s a good arrangement, but i think you should have a backup plan just in case your cousin and her boyfriend break up (even tho they may seem like a very solid couple).

my brother’s girlfriend of 6 years was supposed to do my wedding makeup and 2 months before my wedding, they broke up. i ended up doing my own makeup, which i didn’t mind, but i was really blindsided by the situation. nobody saw it coming.

Post # 10
24 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

Tell ya what, I will learn to take phots and do hair and make up and I’ll come in their placeLaughing

Post # 12
7292 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Personally I would wait until they say that they are coming. You might put pressure on them to come when they can’t afford it if you ask them to do those jobs for you. It might make them feel like your wedding hair/make up and photography all hinge on them coming.

Post # 13
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@j_jaye:  I very much agree – wait til they say they will definitely attend.  There is no way I would attend a DW in Italy for anyone just due to the cost.  That is no slam on your DW at all, but there is no way we would spend that kind of money even to fly there.  We would send a very nice gift and see you when  you got back.

If you ask ahead of time you will be pressuring her.  Wait and see if they will definitely commit.  A lot of times people will say, “Sure!  Wouldn’t miss it!” but then work schedules and finances say they must miss it.

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