Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
We are getting married in Italy, so obviously it is a little difficult to find a good photographer, hair stylist, etc. Fortunately, one of my cousins is an amazing hair stylist / makeup artist and her long-term (5 year) boyfriend is a great photographer. I’d like to ask for him to shoot our wedding and for her to do (or at least help me with) my hair and makeup. In exchange, we wold like to pay for their food, lodging, and tours/sightseeing for the week.
What is the most polite way to make this offer/request? They would still have to pay for their flights, but otherwise their trip would be pretty much free. (They would have to pay for their flights to come to the wedding anyway, if thet were planning on it.) I feel that’s fair for a “friendor”. Thoughts?
Post # 3
I would just ask if they’d be willing to do it and offer them the dollar equivalent of whatever you think these things would cost. Then they still have the option to make their own arrangements and don’t have to worry if their plans/diets are costing you more money than you were anticipating. That’s always my issue when people offer “barter” type arrangements.
Post # 4
I think that’s a pretty awesome deal, lodging is expensive.
“Cousin X, FI & I think your SO is an amazing photographer and you are so talented with hair and makeup, as you know we are getting married on 4/24/14 in Italy, we are having a difficult time finding vendors since we cannot meet with them, we were hoping that in exchange for food, lodging and tours/sightseeing you and SO would consider doing our photography and my hair/makeup. You would have to buy your own tickets to Italy but we will take care of almost everything else. I understand if you cannot do this and I hope you and SO will still attend as a guests”
Then give her time to think about it.
EDIT: I agree with @SapphireSun I would maybe say you’ll pay for lodging and 1-2 sightseeing tours (or more depending on your budget) and will give them X amount of money for food. That way they know upfront how much they can spend on food and aren’t worried they are costing too much.
Post # 5
@gingerkitten: I think it’s fair… as long as they were planning to go. But ask them and see how they feel! Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
@Bazinga: and I was going to say that I really like your wording. :).
I actually had a friend that offered to pay for our hotel in exchange for making her wedding cupcakes and arranging her flowers and to “just let her know how much it was” as she didn’t have a room block or anything. The whole “is she thinking super 8 or four star hotel” was the most anxiety inducing part of the whole thing for me, since we would have picked a nicer hotel on our own if the favour wasn’t involved but I didn’t want her to think that I was taking advantage.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
@SapphireSun: Our venue is in a rural area, but there is an agriturismo next door (we put their info on our website as a suggested place for guests to stay), so when we bring it up, we’ll probably say the phrase “lodging at the agriturismo” rather than just paying for “lodging”. Hopefully that will save them some heartache! I know where you are coming from, because I feel the same way.
@Bazinga: Great wording! As far as sightseeing, we have some “excursions” we are planning to do as a group for whomever wants to come during that week, but people have to pay their own way (such as guided tours of the Vatican, Coliseum, etc). For my cousin and her SO, we would pay for these group trips. Is there a good way to clarify? Maybe I should say we’ll pay for their way on “group sightseeing trips”. These things are paid in advance, so should not cause awkwardness.
As far as food, that’s where I get a bit lost. Some meals will simply be provided to them, but perhaps we should also give them food money for when we are out and about to avoid weirdness?
Not sure yet whether they are planning on going or not. We sent save-the-dates last week, and I’m going to wait a couple of weeks to bring it up.
Post # 9
i think it’s a good arrangement, but i think you should have a backup plan just in case your cousin and her boyfriend break up (even tho they may seem like a very solid couple).
my brother’s girlfriend of 6 years was supposed to do my wedding makeup and 2 months before my wedding, they broke up. i ended up doing my own makeup, which i didn’t mind, but i was really blindsided by the situation. nobody saw it coming.
Post # 10
Tell ya what, I will learn to take phots and do hair and make up and I’ll come in their place
Post # 12
Personally I would wait until they say that they are coming. You might put pressure on them to come when they can’t afford it if you ask them to do those jobs for you. It might make them feel like your wedding hair/make up and photography all hinge on them coming.
Post # 13
@j_jaye: I very much agree – wait til they say they will definitely attend. There is no way I would attend a DW in Italy for anyone just due to the cost. That is no slam on your DW at all, but there is no way we would spend that kind of money even to fly there. We would send a very nice gift and see you when you got back.
If you ask ahead of time you will be pressuring her. Wait and see if they will definitely commit. A lot of times people will say, “Sure! Wouldn’t miss it!” but then work schedules and finances say they must miss it.