Post # 1
FI and I are in our 30s, each own our own house, and have been living on our own each for a few years. Needless to say, we’re trying to figure out how to get rid of stuff for our new home.
I’m thinking maybe we’ll register just at Target for a few small things since I know there will be people that insist on getting gifts (esp for the shower?), but we’d like to suggest that instead of monetary gifts for the wedding people donate to one of two charities that mean a lot to us. His sister raises money for JDRF and my brother is a large supporter of the National Brain Tumor foundation so we’d like to suggest those.
My question is, how do we word it? I was thinking of putting something on our website with links to their websites? How do I word it without sounding tacky? I just know that some of our family will insist on gifts so we’re thinking we’d like to take those gifts to somewhere important to us…
Post # 3
I probably wouldn’t donate. I have charities I like to doante to, and I have charities I don’t trust at all. I don’t like it when people suggest new charities to me without really letting me do my own homework. Sorry – personal preference.
If I found out you were going to take my monetary gift (for you – for your new life together) and donate it anyway, I would probably just give you a card and no money.
This is something I personally feel strongly about, whether or not it makes me sound like a scrooge is beside the point.
Expect something similar to this conversation: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-to-ask-for-honeymoon-contributions-as-wedding-presents#axzz2lr3MsTGt
Post # 4
@lizzypoo96: I think the best way to go about this is to just take whatever cash you receive as gifts and donate it yourself. Then, in your thank you note you could indicate that you used the money to donate to a charity that is close to your heart.
Post # 5
@lizzypoo96: There is no way to ask for a particular gift that is polite and not tacky.
If any of your guests ask what you might like as a gift, you can respond that you would be thrilled if they made a donation in your name to x or why y organization or the charity of their choice.
Guests should not be seen as a source of income obe is entitled to direct as they please.
Post # 7
Don’t ask. I have heard the best way to do this, is by word of mouth. Tell whoever you can that you’d like to donate whatever you get to these charities. Word will get around and your guests will hopefully remember your plans.
Post # 8
@lizzypoo96: You’re better off accepting cash gifts and donating them yourself. Most people will give you more in terms of the amount than they would give your charity. I did donations for my shower and had some amounts that were les than $20. I’m pretty sure that if they had been giving me a traditional gift they would have spent more than that.
Post # 9
@lizzypoo96: So far I am the odd man out. I’d rather have a choice of where I donate than to be told later, “we gave your gift to xxxx.” What if I have a problem with that charity.
I don’t have the wording now, but you could say something like you said in your post… We know some of you would like to give gifts but since we are well established we are not in need of much. However if you are inclined to give something, we would be happy if you gave to one of these worthy causes.
Post # 10
There really is no polite way to do this in a direct manner. However, what you CAN do is to include in the narrative of your relationship on your wedding website a casual mention that you and your FI have bonded over many shared interests, including your mutual passion for and support of XYZ charities.
In doing so, you would be asking for nothing from your guests, but you would be providing clues about the types of things that are important and meaningful to you and your FI for anyone who wishes to find them. 🙂
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! I appreciate it! The whole idea of gifts is an uncomfortable topic and it helps to get an unbiased opinion 🙂
Post # 12
Do you have a wedding website? You can put your Target registry and a link to the orgs on there.
Post # 13
@snd485: That’s kind of what I was thinking… I jus do not want to seem tacky or ungrateful in any way!
Post # 14
Instead of favors, you could put a card at each table with a mention of a charity you’ve donated to in place of favors. That might help tie it in to th your wedding website.