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Are there any stores that are in both South Korea and the US? Maybe a family member could return everything for you. I've read of Bees who returned all the shower gifts to a local Bed Bath and Beyond, and repurchased everything in their home store.
Have you set up a wedding website? I would put something on the website that explains the situation and set up a free cash wedding registry Something like: "While we appreciate that some guests may want to buy us gifts, due to the fact we live over seas, transporting gifts is not a feasible option. We are registered at www.ourwishingwell.com.
First, you need to not have registered anywhere. Having a wedding registry says "Buy me this!" So if you have one, don't be surprised if you do receive gifts. Or conversely, you can tell EVERYONE you've registered at BB&B, and then only register for gift cards. Or simply send the info in the invite and spell it out. Honestly, when it comes to common sense, etiquette sometimes has to take a back seat. Anyone who's offended when you explain why you can only accept cash/checks wouldn't listen to you about it anyway. So have a card in your invite explaining that you cannot take any gifts back with you, and that you and your FH are only accepting cash/checks/gift cards. I had a DW, and our families either shipped the items to our home ahead of time or they gave us cash. I never heard a peep about it!
@tessabella76 - Thanks for sharing that website! That's exactly the kind of registry I was looking for! :)
Gift cards are just as portable as cash...those seem like a great option as well and maybe not as touchy to ask for.
There is always more than one option out there!
Thanks for the ideas girls^^ Unfortunately, other than fast food and coffee shops, we don't have many stores in common between Canada and Korea. The one similar store is a COSTCO in Korea, but when I researched it, it did not seem like it was possible to order from COSTCO Canada and pick up in COSTCO Korea. (Therefore gift cards are also out). Actually, most foreign products are much more expensive in Korea, so people would be paying more by trying to get something through a store in Korea...(plus they would have to navigate a Korean website!) I do like the idea of not registering at all...hopefully people will get the hint!^^
Can't you have a friend or family member return the gifts for you, then send you a check for the cash they get back?
Okay: Bed Bath and Beyond allows you to return gifts for CASH. The cold hard kind of CASH. Have it sent to your mom and then return EVERYTHING!!!
Also, the honeyfund is a good way to ask for cash. You get cash from it. But, your guests think they just bought you a champagne toast or a kayaking excursion.
Good luck!
Asking for anything for your wedding is in poor taste. Direct your guests politely and covertly.
:)
Thanks for all your responses :) You girls really seem to love Bed Bath and Beyond! I have to tell you though...I just checked the website and there are 8 in all of Canada...the closest being about 200 km from my mum's house... I really don't think it is appropriate to ask her to take them back considering the distance. Also, people are coming from LA, Montreal, Edmonton, Calgary, Ottawa, New York City, Seoul, Winnipeg, and Toronto....if they buy something from a big chain store, then maybe we can return it (still probably 200 km away...I'm from a rural village), but most likely it won't be that easy.
Do people really think it is less offensive to return all the gifts than to tell the honest truth? I would be so upset if I knew the bride and groom had absolutely not intention of keeping the gifts and pretended otherwise...And is there really no one else out there doing an out of continent wedding?
By the way...love the honeymoon registry^^
Yeah, if you're in Canada the rules here for returning can be much different than in the US. The idea mentioned above about a honeymoon registry is a great idea - just make sure you can access the cash, and that cash gifts can be received from Canada & the US... I remember picking up a pamphlet for a Canadian version of the honeymoon-registry, but recycled it a long time ago.
It's unfortunate that your guests don't understand you can't ship wedding gifts back to Korea (oh my goodness, how expensive!)... I hope spreading the word works out for you!
i forgot to say i went to check out ourwishingwell.com as tessabella76 mentioned...i think it might work for the younger tech savy crowd^^
I just saw a registry page on a friend's webpage that I thought was SO tasteful and a perfect way to handle what you're talking about. Basically the gist of it said: The only gift that we hope for on our wedding day is your attendance so that we can celebrate our special day with you. If you would like to get us a tangible gift, however, please anything larger than a card shipped directly to our home at [address], as we will be leaving our wedding directly for our honeymoon and will not have any way to transport larger gifts to our home.
Basically that says: gift card or cash please, without saying it. And when you put your address half way around the world, I'm sure people will get the hint and not actually ship you stuff! :)
If a lot of people know this, they will already most likely give you cash or gift cards. At least thats what we're dealing with... any gift I get in Canada & bring to the US, I'll have to pay duty on! Yuck.
But if you're so sure people won't figure it out, definitely get your family & BMs to talk it up and spread it by word of mouth.
we did not set up a registry for our wedding, nor did we ask for cash gifts, but our asian tradition was to typically to give red envelopes and so 90% of our guest gave us a check while 10% gave us random gifts.
I agree with some of the ladies that suggested online registries, honeymoon or even a vendor gift registry. Our photographer offers a registry to help pay for our wedding album. If you have a wedding website that (and word of mouth) are the best way to spread the news. Call me old fashioned, but I think it's rude to tell people you can only accept cash. It's a token of their love for you, and to tell them you can't accept it because it's too inconvenient is just plain rude. Sorry- no offense to you, I understand you are in a difficult spot, but with so many good suggestions here I think you can find an alternative to requesting cash only.
Best wishes!
Hmmm this is something I'm worrying about too as we would much prefer cash gifts (we've been living together for almost three years so we kind of have gravy boats etc). I hesitate putting anything on my invites saying cash please, because I once got an invitation to a wedding that did just that and I thought it was a bit uncouth. I was thinking, either not registering for gifts at all, or registering with www.honeymoney.com for honeymoon money, who knows there'll prob be someone who thinks that's tacky too but who cares, can't please everyone ;-)
This is definitely a toughy!
I think if I were in your shoes, I would have a section on our website that said, "To us, your presence at the wedding is your gift to us. If you're so kind as to gift us with a tangible item, we would greatly appreciate it being send to our home in ____, as we don't have the means to transport any gifts before or after the wedding."
I think that that, combined with word of mouth is probably the most you can do. There are always going to be people who don't listen, so unfortuantely, you will probably get a few actual gifts, but that's unavoidable with any wedding. Some people just don't listen. We were in a similar situation. We got married out of state, and we flew to and from our wedding venue, and on our website we stated something similar to the above, saying that we had no way of transporting gifts after the wedding, and we have about five people still bring gifts anyway. My mom, who lived three hours from the wedding site, had to take them back with her (thank God she drove!) and ship them back. The shipping costs were atronomical, so we only had her ship the things that we registered for, and she took everything else back to BBB and got us cash for them.
I think the best way is to simply register for a cash wedding registry. There are old school people out there that will say it is rude to ask for cash, but in reality it is not any different than asking for a gift from a list, and much more practical. Our registry is call Cashweddinggift.com. There are a few others as well including Our Wishing Well, Deposit a Gift, and Go Gift.
If you live far abroad from where your wedding will be, your guests will know to give you cash. Yours is not a new question, plenty of people have to deal with taking gifts home with them after weddings - what about all the brides who have destination weddings?
Cash registries are rude, as are honeymoon registries. The best thing to do is spread the word that you're saving for something. People are smart. They'll get the hint.
I have a wedding registry....we started a small one for our engagement party at the insistance of our parents. Right now I plan to keep the registry up through my shower and then remove most of the items as there are only a few that we NEED (silverware, luggage, kinves) I'm hoping that will deter people from giving gifts however, it may backfire...sometimes people are just dead set on getting a gift vs cash so you want to leave enough on there so people will at least get you something that you like.
We have given cash for every wedding except for one (where the bride made it clear she thinks cash gifts are rude and would prefer gifts)...but I prefer to give and get cash...
My good friend's sister had a similar situation where she was moving to England immediately after the wedding to start a PhD program, and simply wrote it on her website and spread it by word of mouth that she and her husband only wanted cash gifts to start their life together. I honestly think you could put something short and sweet on your invitation suite as well. I really think people will excuse ettiquette since, as you say, you have no other choice! Anyone who wants to make a contribution will be fine with it, I think.
@bamm: Are you suggesting she lie to her guests? This is really underhanded, and you shouldn't be posting suggestions like this on a board meant for wedding etiquette.
My guess is "no registry" is hinting on something. If they don't get the guest and still decide to buy you gift. Then you gotta accept it. But often times I think guests are pretty cooperative when it comes to wedding gift (gift or money). If you are having a small wedding, I suggest hinting to the parents, friends...and have them spread the word. That's better than putting the words onto the invitations card IMO.
In your first post your said that your mother was already getting resistence from guests when she said that you wanted money not physical gifts. To me this means that they are probably physical gift givers and not cash givers. Therefore a money registry would more than likely offend them even more and could see you end up with large physical gifts or no gifts at all (not that I think that is a problem as it is up to a guest what they do or do not give).
Also you wrote that physical gifts are impossible for you and not reality- well I would agrue that that isn't so. As you said you could ship them back or take them in your luggage. Therefore physical gifts would just be a hassle to you.
As futuremrsfritz18 said lying to/misleading your guests wouldn't be a very classy move in my book. So doing a BB&B registry just to return everything seems really shady to me.
Also just something to consider about the money/honeymoon registries- a lot fo them actually take a cut of the money and/or charge guests additional fees (service fees and credit card fees).
I honestly think that in your situation most guests will realise the impracticality of physical gifts and will give you cash but I would expect some physical gifts as well since some people prefer to give a tangible gift.
We put a note on the bottom of the invitation. We both come from a religious background were keeping a simple life is key & most of our friends & family all have the same background. So our not said,
To help us continue our spiritual goals, monetary donations or gift cards would be greatly appriciated in lieu of gifts.
Sometimes it's not so simple, but I'm greatful that our friends & family have been very understanding. Some bought us a small gift, but then gave cash as well.
This is two years old so the OP probably already crossed this bridge...but it's still an interesting topic.
Were in a similar boat especially with the shower. Thankfully we can have gifts shipped from store to store at no cost if the guests remember. We have made it comon knowledge that we are saving up for a down payment on a house so many of the guests will be contributing to this.
BE CLEAR! We cannot transport ANY GIFTS, ask for money or give them an address to ship to.
If people resist have your mother give them the address where they can ship the gifts, listen I ship to Japan all the time, ITS A FORTUNE, if I decide to send something I have to factor that into the price of the gift. I had a destination wedding the first time around and my mom got stuck hauling back the gifts some people brought...Just really stupid and non-thinking given they knew she didnt live there either. JUST BE CLEAR and if someone really pushes your mom she can offer to send them a pre-addressed shipping label!
I don't believe in putting anything on the invitations regarding gifts or money....I put our wedding website on the save the date cards.....and will include that info on the invites as well....
We personally did register just so guests had options....people can buy us a small gift if that's all they can afford, or they can buy a larger gift....or give us money....whichever works for them....I didn't want people to think they had to do any of the above....
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Ok, so a few others have written about if it is appropriate or not to include the wedding registry on the wedding inivite, or how to ask for money in lieu of gifts (I'm from a non-money giving cultural background). However, in my case there is no other option...we have to ask for money. I live in another country (a 14 hour plane ride away), and will only be back for a week or so prior to the wedding in my hometown. Therefore, money is not just our preference...it's our reality. Some people might say, 'I'll just buy a bedding set....it's only one thing to take back,' but what happens when 100 people say that? I can't get a moving van and drive cross country, and I can't ship everything back (the shipping costs are probably higher than the gift cost). I've seen other suggestions about making a note in the shower invite (I probably won't have showers in light of my time frame), or spreading the news by word of mouth. Nevertheless, my mother has already started doing that, and has met with some resistance from people, so I'm worried that if it doesn't officially say it somewhere, people, especially the older crowd, will just go ahead and buy us a blender we can't do anything with...and can't return from lack of time. So....unless someone has some other way of doing this....how do I politely ask for money?