How to ask for no gifts/money?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

What if you don’t call it an engagement party? Just call it a party, then no one will feel pressured to give you gifts. Then once people are there make it known it’s a party to celebrate your engagement.

Post # 4
Member
6270 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@TGold:  gifts are not expected at engagement parties.

showers – yes

weddings – yes

 

Post # 6
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

@TGold:  Just respond that you’re not registered.  Agree with PP, gifts are usually not give at engagement parties.  So for the few people who ask, just answer honestly.

Post # 7
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@TGold:  This is one thing where I’m not sure I agree with etiquette on if you know that it is very common in your social circle for gifts to be given at engagement parties.  The primary reason you can’t say “no gifts please” is because you aren’t ever supposed to expect a gift in the first place.  In most cases – 100% agree, but if you’ve been to a lot of engagement parties (or non engagement parties that are celebrating an engagement) and everyone brings a gift – idk.  

I did put “no gifts please” on my family BBQ (for our engagement) invitations, in small font in the bottom right corner, for this reason and while I got seriously chewed out on an etiquette board (not this one) for it – nearly everyone who I invited has thanked me for letting them off the hook as far as gifts are concerned.

Post # 8
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Generally, engagement parties are not gift-giving events. I would just leave it alone. If someone wants to give a gift, they will. 

Post # 9
Member
6270 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@TGold:  that’s fine that people get you engagement gifts.  many people do.  a guest is under no pressure to give an engagement gifts because they are not expected or required.

 

so if your guests want to get you a gift, that’s awesome.  but don’t feel bad, they are adults and made the choice.

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230645/etiquette-engagement-parties/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#230763

Post # 10
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

@TGold:  Gifts for engagement party are definite common in my social circle so if it is the same with you I would break the etiquette on this one if you do not want any gifts. Maybe include a small card saying something like ” Your presence is all we need.  No gifts please.” I was invited to an engagement party a couple of years back and they actually just put it on the invitation.  I appreciated that they let me know and did find it to be offensive in anyway. Then again I’m not really that much into all the old school etiquette.

Post # 11
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@TGold:  Say what?   I’m from NYC and a cocktail party is totally appropriate to get away with it.   People have cocktail parties constantly in these woods

Post # 13
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@TGold:  hmmmm.

You might not have an issue.   Most people don’t bring gifts to the engagement party.   Some might but I guess you can’t stop it.   If someone asks you can just tell them that you think it’s super sweet but your house is stocked to the max with stuff and you simply can’t fit another thing through the door.   Just deflect and tell them to come as they are and have a good time.

It’s best not to explicitly state no gifts.   This is sometimes used as a tactic by people who actually do want gifts but want to appear as if they don’t.   I know….so cynical, right?   Mentioning gifts in any capacity plants the seed in people’s minds that they should bring a gift.   Just don’t.

Post # 14
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am totally with stating “no gifts” in a nice way (maybe a cute little rhyme??).  Gift giving etiquette is one of the worst things I think.  I myself never feel pressured, as I have had it drilled into me that no one ever expects a gift when they invite you some place by my Mother, but I know others are conflicted.  The worst thing is when I hear of someone not attending an event simply because they didn’t have a gift to bring.

I went to a bbq this summer for a co-worker, and afterwards a few other co-workers confided in me that they had not attended because they could not afford a gift.  Now, this wasn’t a shower or birthday where a gift was (maybe) expected, it was a summer bbq!  It never even occured to me that I should bring one, but these people didn’t attend specifically because they couldn’t bring one?!  It’s such a loss, and I know the host would not have even cared (again, just a bbq!)

Post # 15
Member
763 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

i know i’m late on this but i just found it. I’m from Long Island and bringing gifts/money for an engagement party is really the norm where we’re from so i get it. My fiance and i are already being asked where we’re registered!! We only want an engageent party so that our families can meet since they haven’t yet. We also do not want gifts because we have no place to put them as we’ll be moving soon and we just want people to enjoy themselves without having to bring anything with them. The RSVP is my parents phone number so my parents will be taking the responsaibility of letting people know that we are requesting no gifts of any kind. The people that dont speak English (my FI family) are contacting him and he’s telling them. If someone chooses to give us something that is their choice. Some people enjoy giving gifts. Happy engagement!

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