How to ask ILs what the RD budget is?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Our strategy throughout planning has been to work up sample budgets in a variety of price ranges, send them to our parents, and have them “give us their thoughts.”  It’s considerably easier than having them guess what wedding items are worth.

Post # 4
11604 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“Hi Sally!  Thanks again for offering to cover the rehearsal dinner; it’s so generous of you!  Before I dive into planning this, I wanted to know what you are comfortable contributing.  I want to make sure our budgets line up so there are no surprises for any of us at the end!  Thank you again, and please let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions for the night!  Love, StLAshley”

Or something along those lines..

Post # 5
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

I would divert this one back to your fiance, even though he isn’t too close with them. He can just call them up (or shoot them an email, etc) and say, “Hey, can you give us a ballpark on a budget for the rehearsal dinner?” or if he doesn’t want to ask flat out, “Hey, what kind of thing were you thinking for the rehearsal dinner? Out at a restaurant, or in someone’s home?” 

Since it is his family, I think it is better for him to approach them about money.

Post # 6
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

PAYING for the rehearsal dinner is not the only tradition. It is also tradition that the groom’s parents HOST the dinner. That means they do the planning.

The first thing I would do is to clarify if they would like to do that, if they want you to work with them, or if they want you to take over.

If they do want you to do the planning in its’ entirety, I would simply ask them for a budget.

Post # 7
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Were doing ours at a local sit down resturant. were inviting about 25 people, and our only requirement is that they order off the 9.99$ menu or less ( and this place has over 25 different options for this price). With included taxes it will be about 600$ i believe. My grandma is footing the bill for us. Perhaphs ask your ILs what they are wanting to spend per person, and if they picture it being at home or a resturant.

Post # 9
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

do they not want to host it themselves?  typically the grooms family hosts the RD.

but why don’t you price out a few things and ask FMIL what she thinks in reasonable.


Post # 10
10886 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@jdhall89:  +1

@StL.Ashley:  I would do all of the research necessary for the type of rehearsal dinner that you would like to have, and submit the options and corresponding budget numbers to your future in-laws for their reveiw and consideration.

I would make option 1 (or A) the option with the least number of guests (i.e. the least costly option) and work your way up to the final option and price to include all of the OOT family or guests (i.e. the most expensive option), if you think that is reasonable. 

I would not express a preference or a recommendation. I would keep it very matter-of-fact and businesslike, with phrases such as, ” … and, if you would prefer also to include all of the out-of-town family, for a total of XXX guests, then this would be the cost associated with doing that.”

I would end your communication by asking which option they would prefer and noting that you will be happy to move forward with the planning once you hear back from them with further direction.

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