How to ask my father if he wants to contribute financially for wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
6028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You don’t ask. if he wants to contribute, he’ll offer.

Post # 4
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

I personally wouldn’t ask anyone for financial contribution to my wedding, but that’s just me.  If you ask you’re dad to walk you down then isle and then ask him for money he might think you’re trying to bribe him or are insincere.  If you’ve already had issues re-him contributing to your education it might not be a good idea to ask.  I would personally wait and see if he offers, if he doesn’t offer I would assume he won’t and plan accordingly.

Post # 5
Member
6028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Plan based on the budget you know you have. There not a vendor in the world that won’t let you add more sales at the last minute. If he’s already given you a hassle over paying your schooling, then putting him on the spot to contribute just opens the door for more of the same. 

Post # 6
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

Hmm… well you have some choices.<br />You could just budget your wedding like her isn’t going to contribute, and if he decides to, then theres cash in your pocket. :)<br />or… you could just say something to the effect of, “traditionally, the brides parents pay for the wedding, but we certainly aren’t expecting you to… we would just like to know if you plan on contributing for budget reasons.” something like that.

Post # 8
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sfp:  Many Bees will respond that you don’t ask-period. But,I think family dynamics, culture, and ethnic background will all be an influence.

One strategy would be to prepare a budget listing the total amount you will have available from FMIL’s and yourselves, then show your Dad and ask him to review the budget to see if you have forgotten anything. I definitely would simply put the total you will have available, not specifying the actual amount the FMIL’s will contribute. That is no one else’s business.

Reviewing the budget may prompt your Dad to speak up about whether he will or will not be contributing.

Post # 10
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Advice on bringing it up: (since clearly you want to, Im not going to debate if you should or not. Each family dynamic & expectations are different so theres no way anyone else could judeg that except for you).

First bring up when you plan on getting married/some what lose terms of a predicted timeline (if your wedding is 2+ years away, Id wait to ask for money)

Then I’d bring up venues, costs, and guest lists but not direct it at him. I would state Dad we can afford a *small* wedding with a limited number of guests- (this is so different with dads than with moms. Mostly moms want to be able to invite people, so they will offer to pay for them usually- but dads may generally not care about who goes). 

Or

Say hey dad we are planning our wedding we weren’t sure of your intentions about contributing. We just need to know if you are so we can plan accordingly. This is how you ask, without actually asking. 

Post # 12
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

sfp:  oh yeay. 🙂 Glad I can help! Good luck.

Post # 14
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

sfp:  I would just plan without his input. If he will contribute, you get to keep some of your savings for yourself, which is never a bad idea, so I don’t see why you couldn’t start the planning process.

Also, if you already know he is weird with money and he’d offer sth. because he felt pressured into it by your asking, who’s to say whether he’s actually going to give you the money. He may decide that he doesn’t want to contribute and is angry he only said yes because he felt thrown off his guard and then take it back. Then you’re seriously screwed. And lots of bees have said this happened to them.

His mom said she would contribute (without mentioning how much) and asked for our bank account details and wired us money right after. My mum has kept saying she is going to give us some money but hasn’t specified how much or when she will give it. (For example when dress shopping and there was a dress that was more expensive than what I would have liked to pay, she’d be like “well if that’s the one you like you should get it, plus I’ll also contribute”.)

We’ve had a number in mind when we started planning, then looked at our budget (as in savings), then looked at what we’d really like to have at our wedding and that was our wedding plan. The fact that my MIL gave us money is fantastic and we decided to go with the more expensive photographer. But I’m not planning to spend any extra Euro on something because my mum will be giving us some money. I’ll just be glad about her contribution if she stays true to her word (which I know she will, just not sure about the amount). <br />You could always put that money towards a honeymoon if your father does decide to contribute.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors