Post # 1
My fiance is great, but a bit of a procrastinator at times. How do I get him to take care of the wedding-related things I need him to do without nagging him. For example, he wants to get a custom suit made but hasn’t researched how long they take or anything like that. He’s going to make the honeymoon reservations but hasn’t started researching them. He hasn’t even asked the friend he wants to be best man yet, and he has to travel from out of the country.
So how do I avoid nagging and reminding him about these things? It’ll stress me out if they’re not done, and we do have time on a lot of them, so how do I handle?
Post # 3
I’d let him do things at his own pace. If his BFF isn’t there, that’s on him. If he can’t get his custom suit, that’s on him!
And my DH didn’t start researching honeymoons until 4 months before the wedding. So that one’s definitely not a big deal!
Post # 4
We have a white board on our fridge, and I write to-do lists on there. I don’t break up the list by whose job things are; I just lump them all in there together. And every time I do one of my jobs, I cross it off. Suddenly, DH starts to realize that the only jobs left on the list are things HE is supposed to do. He gets frantic when the list starts to look like:
take down xmas lights
unclog upstairs shower
get insurance docs from work
So if I were you, I would do something similar, perhaps with a “wedding to-do for the week” list where you include ask best man, research honeymoon, ask maid of honor, look into dress styles, research custom suits (in other words, pepper in jobs for YOURSELF along with the jobs for him). The list itself will nag your FI so you don’t have to 🙂
Post # 5
@Moraz: Any wedding-related task that my DH took on was his responsibility, including the timeline in which he did it. If he wanted a custom suit and ran out of time to properly research it, well, then he’d rent or buy one off the rack! It’s hard to let go of control, but it’s good practice for trusting your partner in marriage! For us, me nagging made our relationship much worse than having DH handle his stuff on his own time and dealing with the consequences if he took too damn long to get things done!
Post # 6
Stress to him that if he doesn’t do it you’ll nag. If he goes ahead and takes care of it, you’ll shut up LOL. FI wants to plan some of that stuff too. Being a lazy bride, I’m like whatevs – as long as I get to sleep in and have some time off after the wedding I could care less where we go. But I did tell him he’s setting himself up for his own failure by not being time oriented.
Post # 7
Get a calendar and write in th deadlines. Sometimes, when my DH doesn’t do something he was supposed to, I will offer to do it for him, or worse, ofer to HELP him. For some reason, when I offer to help him move something, put tools away or clean up a house project, he suddenly gfinds the time to do it LOL
Post # 8
@iarebridezilla: My FI and I have a similar thing. We have a shared calander and task list.
Post # 9
I tend to just ask him every so often how his stuff is coming along, more of a tempature check. If he says he hasn’t gotten to it yet, I say ok and ask if he has a rough idea of when he thinks he’ll have it done so I can update my lists (sort of like PP with her whiteboard!)
However, reading my response now makes me think I might be a nag, so maybe mine isn’t the best advice! haha – BUT! It’s working!!
Post # 10
@Moraz: My husband is a procrastinator! I let him move at his own pace, but usually give him a “deadline” in a friendly way. Most recently he needed to paint the nursery. I said back in like October once we had picked the color “I’d really love to have the nursery painted by Thanksgiving”. I didn’t say anything else about it and Thanksgiving morning he was painting the second coat lol.
Post # 11
@iarebridezilla: That’s a good idea, I might have to start doing that! I have a to-do list of all of our things, but it’s on my phone and DH never sees it.
Post # 12
@Moraz: My DH was a HUGE procrastiantor when it came to gettign things for the wedding. I basicaly just left him to do the thing he had to do and if he didnt get it done then it was his problem! He might have waited to the last minute and freaked out about getting things done but they did get done and hopefully he learned a lesson about procrastinating for the future! I feel like nagging him just made him procrastinate even more!
Post # 13
@Moraz: If you want something done right, do it yourself lol.
…then again, I’m a control freak
Post # 14
I am too, and I’m trying not to be. It bugs me so much when these things aren’t done. It makes me phyiscally twitchy 🙂
Post # 15
My FI also drags his feet on completing his wedding-related tasks. If I’m okay with him doing something on his own timeline, I leave it up to him and just ask about it once in a while. For stuff that needs to get done by a certain time, usually I have to do it with him.
Post # 16
@Moraz: I don’t nag. I give FI what he calls “The Look,” and he gets his butt in gear!