How to Avoid Nagging

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d let him do things at his own pace. If his BFF isn’t there, that’s on him. If he can’t get his custom suit, that’s on him!

And my DH didn’t start researching honeymoons until 4 months before the wedding. So that one’s definitely not a big deal!

Post # 4
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We have a white board on our fridge, and I write to-do lists on there. I don’t break up the list by whose job things are; I just lump them all in there together. And every time I do one of my jobs, I cross it off. Suddenly, DH starts to realize that the only jobs left on the list are things HE is supposed to do. He gets frantic when the list starts to look like:

take down xmas lights 

 

 

unclog upstairs shower

get insurance docs from work

 

 

feed snake

 

So if I were you, I would do something similar, perhaps with a “wedding to-do for the week” list where you include ask best man, research honeymoon, ask maid of honor, look into dress styles, research custom suits (in other words, pepper in jobs for YOURSELF along with the jobs for him). The list itself will nag your FI so you don’t have to 🙂

Post # 5
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Moraz:  Any wedding-related task that my DH took on was his responsibility, including the timeline in which he did it. If he wanted a custom suit and ran out of time to properly research it, well, then he’d rent or buy one off the rack! It’s hard to let go of control, but it’s good practice for trusting your partner in marriage! For us, me nagging made our relationship much worse than having DH handle his stuff on his own time and dealing with the consequences if he took too damn long to get things done! 

Post # 6
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Stress to him that if he doesn’t do it you’ll nag. If he goes ahead and takes care of it, you’ll shut up LOL. FI wants to plan some of that stuff too. Being a lazy bride, I’m like whatevs – as long as I get to sleep in and have some time off after the wedding I could care less where we go. But I did tell him he’s setting himself up for his own failure by not being time oriented.

Post # 7
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Get a calendar and write in th deadlines. Sometimes, when my DH doesn’t do something he was supposed to, I will offer to do it for him, or worse, ofer to HELP him. For some reason, when I offer to help him move something, put tools away or clean up a house project, he suddenly gfinds the time to do it LOL

Post # 8
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@iarebridezilla:  My FI and I have a similar thing.  We have a shared calander and task list. 

Post # 9
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I tend to just ask him every so often how his stuff is coming along, more of a tempature check. If he says he hasn’t gotten to it yet, I say ok and ask if he has a rough idea of when he thinks he’ll have it done so I can update my lists (sort of like PP with her whiteboard!)

However, reading my response now makes me think I might be a nag, so maybe mine isn’t the best advice! haha – BUT! It’s working!! Wink

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Moraz:  My husband is a procrastinator! I let him move at his own pace, but usually give him a “deadline” in a friendly way.  Most recently he needed to paint the nursery.  I said back in like October once we had picked the color “I’d really love to have the nursery painted by Thanksgiving”.  I didn’t say anything else about it and Thanksgiving morning he was painting the second coat lol.

 

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@iarebridezilla:  That’s a good idea, I might have to start doing that!  I have a to-do list of all of our things, but it’s on my phone and DH never sees it.

Post # 12
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Moraz:  My DH was a HUGE procrastiantor when it came to gettign things for the wedding. I basicaly just left him to do the thing he had to do and if he didnt get it done then it was his problem! He might have waited to the last minute and freaked out about getting things done but they did get done and hopefully he learned a lesson about procrastinating for the future! I feel like nagging him just made him procrastinate even more!

 

Post # 13
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Moraz:  If you want something done right, do it yourself lol. 

…then again, I’m a control freak Tongue Out

Post # 15
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My FI also drags his feet on completing his wedding-related tasks.  If I’m okay with him doing something on his own timeline, I leave it up to him and just ask about it once in a while.  For stuff that needs to get done by a certain time, usually I have to do it with him.

 

Post # 16
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Moraz:  I don’t nag. I give FI what he calls “The Look,” and he gets his butt in gear!

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