How to avoid vacation-disappointment if no proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@sfp:  You have to psych yourself out with the idea that he isn’t going to propose.  If you don’t then every romantic gesture and every meal will be ruined when he doesn’t pull out that ring box and drop to one knee.  Just tell yourself that he won’t propose on vacation because he might lose the ring and that would be terrible!

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@sfp:  I was only referring to the upcoming trip.  There are plenty of ladie son the Bee who are totally convinced it’s going to happen on their Big Trip and as each day passes they get more and more confused and upset until they explode on the last day or on the plane ride home.  Just try to relax and trust that he will propose when he’s ready and it may not be some huge gesture, it might be a simple dinner cooked at home.  Nothing turns a guy off more than a chick that goes proposal crazy once they are prepared to propose; more times than not, it causes the guy to delay proposing.

He may propsoe on the balloon ride.  If so, awesome.  But make sure you enjoy the sights and experience on it’s own rather than anticipating a proposal the entire ride, only to be disappointed (and probably more than a little pissed) if he doesn’t propose.

Post # 6
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

The only thing you can really do is assume it won’t happen, but you’ll have to convince yourself of that obviously lol. Just know that if it DOESN”T happen, it will happen some other time, and it will be right when it does. But still get a shellac manicure just in case! No it’s not bad to hope for a time or place. But if you are the kind of person that if you get all psyched up for this to occur, and then it ruins your vacation if it doesn’t, you need to definitely try to get yourself out of that mindset bvefore going. Your vacation will be fantastic even if there’s not a proposal yet!

Post # 9
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sfp:  oh HAHA well, at least take a nail file with you ;). I got a shellac before our trip to Kauai where I was sure he would propose, and he did. But we were very open about ring purchasing and he’s not creative enough to have done something else. I knew he wouldn’t pass up a chance like hawaii being dropped in his lap for proposing lol

Post # 10
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

Do every single thing in your power to convince yourself it won’t happen, use every bit of logic you possess to rationalise why it just will not happen.

 

I always try to keep my hopes down for most things as I find it easier to deal with the melancoly realisation of being right about something than the overwhelming shock and disappointment of being wrong.

 

Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope you aren’t a waiting bee for too much longer 😀

Post # 12
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@sfp:  I would personally be constantly thinking about it! But just as another bee told me in another thread “When in doubt, doubt”. A lot of us has been disappointed before because an expected proposal didn’t happen.

I know that when I am disappointed, I would not end up in an arguement nor in tears so I enjoy getting excited. If you are in the same boat hope for the best but expect the worse (a non-proposal that is).

Let us know how it turned out.

Post # 13
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@sfp:  I totally understand how easy it is to get worked up when vactions come around, because I was in the same boat as you were just a couple of weeks ago.

Basically, Fi and I went back to my hometown so that he could meet my family, and it kept running through my mind that maybe he was going to ask me while we were on the trip- the timing and everything was just perfect.  I was just like you, and tried so hard to put it out of my mind, but it just wouldn’t get out of my head. 

It never happened while we were on the vacation.  And ultimately, it came down to me and FI talking about how it really wasn’t the right timing after all for me to get the idea out of my head.  Once I had gotten it out of my mind, the trip became so much less stressful, and we wound up really enjoying ourselves. 

My advice is similar to what the previous posters have said- the best thing you can do (and it’s hard- trust me!) is to just put it out of your mind and enjoy the trip.  In my case it involved a heart-to-heart (and admittedly, some tears) with FI.  (Another secret- notice i said FI?  Turns out the timing wasn’t right while we were on vacation- he proposed about a week later!

Post # 14
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

This recently happened to me on a vacation that was planned out 6 months in advance. Me and my BF had been open about marriage and we both wanted it and were on the same page. He was going to proposat sometime….

He really started building this vacation up. He insisted paying for the whole thing and kept talking about how special it would be. I have a couple of rings I normally wear, but they need to be resized because they are loose. I told my BF I didn’t know weather I should bring them because I did not want to lose them. He told me not to bring them because I would probably get another ring while on vacation and it would have a lot of sentimental meaning to it. I was so convinced he was goofing to propose!!!!! What else could those hints mean.

I tried my hardest not to expect it, especially because I have been waiting for over a year now. I had plenty of disappointments when he didn’t propose on my birthday, Christmas, and other romantic events. Well, although I tried not to get my hopes up, I got bummed 3 days into our week long trip. I tried to hide it, but he knew something was wrong and asked me. I was honest and said I thought may might propose and I was tryinonto forget about it because I just wanted to enjoy our vacation.

He said he thought about it and decided it was cliche to propose on vacation, so no it’s not going to happen this week. He said he had no idea I had been looking forward to getting engaged so much, and we had a really good talk. I was able to enjoy the rest of the week without wondering if at any moment he would propose. I a, glad I talked to him about it. A lot of people told me I should not have said anything to him, but I’m glad I did. I’m sorry, I don’t really have any advice for you, but I know what you are going through. It is so hard to wait. Im still waiting.

just don’t let it ruin your vacation. Mine would have been ruined if I continued to not talk to him about it. Good luck, I hope you get your ring on vacation.

 

Post # 15
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@sfp:  I ruined my dream vacation to hawaii last year sulking over a proposal that didn’t happen. Don’t do it to yourself! I know it’s so much easier said than done, but try to just enjoy the trip for what it is – a lovely trip with the man you love. In my case, I said something about what I had hoped would be happening on the first day we were there…he felt like a failure and we both had hurt feelings for the rest of the day.  He was fine the next day, but I was pretty much internally devistated the entire time and didn’t allow myself to enjoy it the way I should have…which is tragic. That’s my little PSA for you. Things have improved since then and the ring is being paid for, so I’m definitely on ring watch…of course we have no special vacations planned this year, so i’m very excited to see how he does this.

Anyway, enjoy your trip and I’ll keep my fingers crossed. The hot air balloon sounds promising! Wink

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