Post # 1
I’m in a complicated situation made much more comfortable by how fantastic and understanding the bride is, but here goes. The bride is one of my best friends, she was a BM in my wedding and I’ve been looking forward to participating in her wedding since her engagement a couple months ago. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks before she got engaged. She knew I was trying and was one of the first people I told. Anyway they found the most gorgeous wedding venue and it’s affordable but the only weekend they could book was 2 weeks before my due date. Of course I’m thrilled for them and it’s not about me, I encouraged her to go for it and we’d do what we can. Thing is though that I’m pregnant with twins, and everything I read says it’s fairly likely that I’ll go into labor a month early. So my problem is this: at her wedding I’ll either be 1. 38 weeks pregnant with twins (massive), 2. have very recently given birth, or 3. actually be in labor. The bride is such a sweetheart, she told me not to worry about it and that we’d play it by ear when the time gets closer, but I know there are so many things to consider with wedding planning and I hate to be a potential source of stress for her. Also she’s picked a very pretty color for the dresses at DB and said I could get whatever I want in that color, but again with no knowing whether I’ll still be pregnant or how quickly my body will bounce back I’m at a loss for what to do dress-wise. I told my friend that I don’t want her to worry and if having me not participate actively on the wedding day will make things easier for her in any way to feel comfortable letting me know. She seemed to understand that I really don’t want this to affect her day in a negative way. Also I know it’s silly but I worry that if I’m waddling down the aisle the size of a small planet that I’ll take a little of the attention off her. This could be pregnancy hormones…I teared up watching the end of Dodgeball today, my emotional state is turbulent.
Any ladies out there have any advice for either buying a dress when you have no clue of your size, or being considerate to the bride when your sitation makes that difficult? Or has anyone been in this situation and found a good solution? I love this girl to death and I just want to do right by her. Any advice welcome!
Post # 2
I think you should assume you’ll be pregnant. If you give birth before the due date, you probably (in fact almost certainly) won’t be able to be a bridesmaid at all, because it will be so soon after the birth.
Just get the dress (assuming you’ll be 38 weeks pregnant) and walk down the aisle if you can. And then sit in a chair once you’ve walked. And if you can’t walk down the aisle, it sounds like the bride is totally fine with it. If it’s stressing the bride I’d advise you to step down (as I once did), but since it isn’t, just, like she said, order the dress and play it by ear.
And all the best for your pregnancy and your babies! <3
Post # 3
I think you should get the dress for your estimated size at 38 weeks. Is there something you can get in the color she chose that’s empire-waisted? That way it could accommodate the belly, or whatever’s left of it if you’re up to going to the wedding after the birth.<br /><br />Even if you are, as you say, waddling down the aisle and the size of a small planet, the eyes will only be on you for that moment. The bride comes out after you and from then on she’ll be the focus.
<br />And I agree with the above poster, sit after you make it up the aisle! Nobody will fault you for that, and it sounds like the bride would probably have no problem with that.
Post # 4
Congratations!!! As someone who has had twins, I can pretty much assume that you would be a recent mum or having them. It is very uncommon for Drs to let a multiple pregnancy go past 38 weeks due to the high risk. I was supposed to be in a wedding for my friends at 38 weeks. I told the bride immediately when I found out it was twins! She encouraged me to stay on as Maid of Honour but I bowed out. I didn’t want to cost her the extra expense (or myself with two bubs to pay for!) if I couldn’t make the wedding. Also it is very hard to guess where you will carry and if you will put on extra. I was also in my sisters wedding at 28 weeks and honestly, as much I love my sister …it was hell. I was so uncomfortable and exhausted (carrying two babies is hard work!!!). Turns out my twins were born at 36 weeks so I wasn’t able to be in my friends wedding anyway, as I was still in terrible pain after an c section and had two sick bubs in special care. as sad I was not to be involved iN the wedding, my bubs needed me with theM more! I would probay opt out of being in the wedding but be there to support her through the wedding planning process as any other bridesmaid would!!
Post # 5
jennmariee: I would just step down. If you were pregnant w one I would think no big deal and assume you’d be pregnant at the wedding. With twins though too much can happen. Offer to help w the shower if you want and plan to attend the wedding as s guest. She’ll understand if you can’t make it.
Post # 6
like the pp said, twins rarely make it to 38 weeks and if you did, you would probably be on bed rest at that point or so uncomfortable that you couldn’t participate the way you want to. If you have already had them you will be in major pain. Seriously. I am 5 weeks pp with an easy vaginal delivery and it took me a good 3 weeks to start feeling normal again. I know that my friends that had c-sections have needed their full 6 weeks to feel good. C-sections are MAJOR surgery. people forget that because it is so common these days, but it is surgery.
I would bow out if I were you, regardless of how much she begs you to stay in. If you were pregnant with one I would say do it because you could go 41 weeks like I did and be perfectly fine at 38…but with twins, that is a whole different ball of wax!
Post # 7
I don’t know about the whole three weeks about feeling normal again, when I gave birth, I had an easy delivery and was willing to go drive home the next day (I didn’t obviously), but it’s not always like you’re going to be bed-ridden after surgery. As for participating, maybe you should step down in case you don’t think you’re going to make 38 weeks. I know when I was pregnant, the last thing I wanted was to be walking down an aisle as a bridesmaid and I gave birth when I was 38 weeks.
Post # 8
jennmariee: My friend recently got married and her MOH/sister ended up with a due date within days of the wedding. They waited as long as possible to decide things, but when the doc said she wouldn’t be able to travel, it was decided that MOH couldn’t attend the wedding. Bride still treated her as MOH- got same gifts, included her as much as possible in everything else, and on the big day, MOH got to facetime in to at least watch it. There was a shoutout to her from the entire wedding during the reception- it was super adorable. It seemed like the end of the world to both bride and MOH when planning, but in the end, moh spending time with her baby and bride spending time with new husband was all that mattered.
I say all of this because I’m going to make a strong assumption that you won’t be attending the wedding. I think you should wait it out a bit to see what your doc says to give the official answer to bride, but especially with multiples, you don’t want to be overdoing it. Help out early on with shower, or hang out together (assembling invitations, helping with seating, anything that’s not physically taxing on you). Your friend seems like shes incredibly supportive and kind so I really think she will understand.