(Closed) how to be a nice wife. stop nagging, stop being a grouch

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@mrshoneybee:  Find a friend to vent to instead? Start a blog? See a counselor? Tell your husband you need to vent. I’m sure if it’s important to get it out of your system, he’ll be happy to lend an ear.

Post # 4
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

@mrshoneybee:  I try to leave my job woes at my job. It is hard, I know. Recently meditation, eating better, and hiking have helped a ton. They calm me down and I feel better all week because of it. Great outlet.

Post # 5
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m also snappy, grumpy and nasty when I’m stressed/tired/pmsing… I don’t have much advice as I’m working on it myself, but I can tell you what Im doing to work on it. 

For me – I’m just slowly starting to recognize when I’m about to snap at him for something stupid and instead making a decision to be nice. I also try to pray when I’m grumpy and vent to God instead of my FI. 

I also tell him “I’m feeling grumpy” and he either pokes and tries to provoke me, or is careful for a little bit…. Although his “provoking” usually gives me the giggles which I think is his intension XD

Post # 6
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you need to set aside some dedicated “me” time. It really sounds like you just need time to chill, relax and re-group. If you are able to give yourself some love then you’ll most likely be able to reflect it right back onto your husband.

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

Try finding a friend, writing it all down somewhere, exercising, or setting aside a bitch moment. My FI has been having some stress at work lately so he takes 5 minutes, sets a timer, and lets it all go. It was his idea and to be honest it is the best thing we ever did. My only advice is to it right away. We tried saving it until the end of the evening and it didn’t help his mood at all. haha. If anything is was a bedroom killer. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself. I think many women put too much energy into being perfect. Just love your husband the best way you can and be a supportive partner. Marriage is for the good times and the bad because they won’t always be one or the other. 

Post # 8
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m not very good at taking my own advice, but I bet working out would work wonders.  I know you said he picks you up, but if there is anyway you could go to the gym right after work before he gets you (I know, probably not feasible!) I bet you would be in a much better mood once he gets you.

Or just maybe do a post-work complain sesh in the car on the way home, and then agree not to talk about work once you get home.  Ask him to help you enforce this rule!

I totally understand where you are coming from, I catch myself doing this sometimes too.  I think sometimes we are nastiest to those we love most because we feel like they’ll still love you no matter what.  Obviously though we can’t take this assumption too far! Sometimes I realize that I am just being a grump to my FI because I’m in a bad mood and it has nothing to do to him – at that point I try to just admit to him that’s why I’m acting nasty and see if I can snap out of it. 

Post # 9
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My SO seems fine with my grumps as long as I recognise that I’m grouchy! “Sorry darling I’m just in a mood… I’ll probably be fine once I’ve vented/eaten!”

Post # 10
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MmeVT:  I agree with going to the gym after work. Take that anger out on the treadmill.

Post # 11
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I know the feeling and you’re not just going to click on and off from work mode/hating it to free time, so figure out what you need (and for how long) to transition smoothly and be sure to let him know so he can listen, give you space, whatever.  There’s tons of things to try alone or with him, relaxing, venting, working out, walking (alone or together), just reading a book, surfing the net, any hobby really.  Do whatever helps you decompress then move on and enjoy the fact that you aren’t at work!

I dated a guy where the hour after he got off work was devoted to wallowing in grump (but not towards anyone around him, he’d mostly want to be alone or just not bothered)… then he was fine.  It worked really well for him and he hated his job. This was years ago and I don’t remember what he did, just that he wanted to be left alone for an hour then he was fine.

@EmeraldTiger:  I like your suggestion of “I’m grumpy”.  DH and I do that when we’re in a mood and it does wonders to keep the peace.

Post # 12
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Maybe an exercise class, like zumba or something? It might lift your general mood. And try to have some date nights?

Post # 14
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@mrshoneybee:  Yeah I get like it too. I’m not good at handling stress and tend to melt down and cry over my husband when something upsets me.

Post # 15
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am soo sorry you are feeling this way..Decide what is important and the things that arent important let them go. Right now you have to stay on your job for a year so that is not anything you can control. Give yourself a break and try to see the good in your life for example your FI.

I know when you are in the hole of negativity it can be hard to come out. Your FI is loving and supportive take the spot light of yourself and shine it on your FI. Take him out for a nice dinner and that time out will remind you of why you love each other.

It all starts with baby steps…

BIG HUG

Post # 16
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mrshoneybee:  I just ran across this BS… Its a good laugh atleast

 

“1950s home economics textbook entitled “The Good Wives’ Guide” written by an unknown woman.


“Paragraph” – Women: Look, Listen and Take Heed.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before

your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children, take a few minutes to wash their hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, and vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to see him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – REMEMBER, HIS TOPICS OF CONVERSATION ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOURS.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low soothing and pleasant voice. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity.

Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place

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