How to break the news to his family…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
588 posts
Busy bee

maydaygirlbinbin:  Can I ask how old you guys are? If you’re just starting RTC and he’s just starting college, I am imagining you guys are quite young (that might not be true though). If you guys are young, it’s going to be especially hard for parents not to be concerned about a rushed wedding. A lot of people rush weddings to be married before RTC, but it’s not something a lot of non-military families get (and a lot of unhappy military families might also have some concerns too). 

Is it possible that his parents aren’t onboard because your FI isn’t that sure himself? You said, “he sort of started to drop off”, “his reserves about it”, and “once he finally commits” – is it possible that he isn’t ready to make the commitment? If it were my son and he wasn’t 100%, I sure as heck wouldn’t support the marriage. Could he have objections beyond worries about his family’s support? 

Sometimes, there are perfectly valid reasons for cutting ties with parents, but sometimes parents have real worries that shouldn’t be ignored. Committing to being a military spouse is a *big* deal. I know you have a deadline for the wedding, but I don’t think you can rush parental support for something so major. Don’t make him choose between you or his family, because when you’re off in dangerous situations, he’s going to need that family for support. 

I wish I had a quick fix for this, but beyond helping them get to know you and like you, there isn’t anything for it.

Post # 3
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Sadly,  I think he has to figure out he will break it to his family since he is the one feeling conflicted. He knows them better & has better understanding of them and his own feelings. maydaygirlbinbin:  

EDITED O ADD: PP has spoken well. She said what I avoided saying. He is not ready to commit. So let him figure that out on his own.  He has to figure out his choice for himself. 

Post # 4
5 posts


I think it doesn’t matter about waiting or not waiting because you already said his parents don’t welcome you…. This may sound harsh but it won’t get any easier & he needs to show you that he can stand up for you and support you and not worry about what his parents think. 


It it seems like there are a lot of issues here to begin with. I’d recommend talking with a professional about everrrrrryttthing because he or she will be unbiased. You haven’t really shared enough info for me to give you a better answer. 

I hope this helps at all!!! And I’d like to thank you for serving our country. The Navy is amazing and you will find yourself very quickly. I have a sneaking suspicion that after a while you will have increased your self esteem and having your fiance’s parent’s approval will be the last thing you care about. I don’t even know if you will see your fiancé in the same light after meeting men who can make their own decisions. 

Post # 7
20 posts

What if…. you rush this marriage through, you go off to RTC and he heads to college…. do you think he’s grown up enough to say “I’m married” and behave himself…. for 4 looong years alone? I respect that you love each other, and I respect your desire for the commitment, but it really sounds like he’s playing these silly games because he’s not sure. 

What if…. he meets someone at college?

What if…. you meet someone?

What if…. you hurry this marriage through, while there’s a hint of uncertainty, and you get a phone call one day saying he wants out? Or you do?

What if…. you agree to shelve the wedding plans until you’ve both had time to evaluate your new circumstances?

There’s so many “what if” scenarios that are realistic, not silly, and I really urge you to take a step back and take a good long look at this. Divorce is hard. Military life is hard. If it’s meant to be, then he’ll be right there waiting when you finish your service.

Post # 8
588 posts
Busy bee

maydaygirlbinbin:  You really can’t ignore his “what if” questions. Sometimes doubts are just ‘cold feet’ and you move past them, but if he’s going back and forth between wanting to get married and not wanting to, that might be something more.

1) You need to tell your parents about RTC

2) Your FI needs to decide if he really, really is ready for marriage. Him having doubts doesn’t mean he isn’t “wearing the pants” in the relationship, it just means he is having doubts. I know you have a deadline, but you really shouldn’t rush marriage for it if both of you aren’t sure.

3) If your FI really is ready for marriage, then worry about telling your parents.

I know you say that his parents were young when they married and also a military family, so maybe that means they have first hand information about just how hard it is going to be. It’s the kind of thing that is so hard that it’s really not worth it if you’re not sure your SO is the one.

Post # 11
5 posts

I’m glad you were able to tell your mom. I’m sad though that you are possibly marrying into a family that doesn’t “like” you. Why do you say that if it was any other girl it would be different but because it’s you they just don’t like??

if you plan on having a family one day is his parents going to accept your children into their lives? That is a realistic question. I know this because I am the granddaughter of a MIL that doesn’t like her DIL (my mom.) My paternal grandma doesn’t even know how to spell my name…. I rarely saw her and I’m not close to her because of the way she treated my mom. 

Are you prepared to join a family like that? And you mentioned how his family should be #1 but that needs to end once he’s married. He needs to put you first. Why would he even WANT to be around his family members that dislike his fiancé?! That makes little sense to me but maybe because I’ve witnessed this torment in my family. It sucks. ::(

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