How to "break up" with a "friend" (and I use the term loosely)

posted 3 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ugh, I would restrict what she can see on your facebook page and just keep NOT making plans with her. She will get it.

Post # 3
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Be in charge of YOUR life, block her on your FB, unfriend her, whatever, block her phone calls, texts, etc…she can’t possibly be friends with everyone in the theatre group, life doesn’t work that way.  Don’t feel guilty either, its your life.  If its awkward for a short time, it will pass.

 

Post # 5
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Short Answer: Stop talking to her.

Long Answer: Unfriend her from FB.  If you’re uncomfortable with that, at least put her on a restricted friends list so that she can’t comment on your posts.  You can also permanently hide her posts from ever displaying on your news feed.  Then you’ll just have to ignore her.  Don’t answer when she calls/texts/e-mails.  Whenever you do run into her in person, say you’re sorry you’ve been so busy or you never got any of her communications.  If she tries to set up something with you on the spot, say you’ll have to get back to her because you don’t know if your SO has something planned.  Then never follow-up with her.  It takes two people to be friends.  It doesn’t matter how much effort she puts in.  If you don’t reciprocate, the friendship will die.

Post # 7
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Do the slow fade. You don’t have to block her on Facebook, but you can limit who sees each post you make. You can exclude her from being able to see anything you post. If she wants to make plans, you can either not answer your phone and respond, or you have other things going on. I’m sure some people will tell you that being direct and honest is the better route, but she kind of sounds like a loose cannon. I’d just let her fade out of your life as much as possible.

Post # 8
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

BurlapnLace:  do the fade. This is best when you don’t want to deal with some dramatic confrontation (which it sounds like she’s fully capable of.) Put her on a limited profile view on FB, so that she sees some of your posts but not all. Start taking longer and longer to answer texts/calls/emails – start with a few days and extend it to months of silence. If she asks directly, tell her you’ve got other plans. She will eventually find someone else to spend time with. I find this kind of slow distancing works best and doesn’t really tend to cause the same kind of drama/hard feelings as being direct does.

Post # 9
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

cmbr:  ha, I should have read your comment before posting mine. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 BurlapnLace:  Totally agree with cmbr:. Faaade away, lol! I LOVE Seinfeld and totally know the episode you’re talking about. Do you remember the one where Jerry makes friends with a baseball player and then “breaks up” with him? LOL! Ugh, what a hassle for you and you were just being nice.

Post # 11
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

I’ve tried the direct route before and it really doesn’t go well. So I am a big fan of the slow fade. It doesn’t help her out by letting her know why people are just not connecting with her the way she wants but then again, that is not your problem since you are not her therapist or anything.

Post # 13
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Another vote for the “slow fade” here! I love this approach b/c it lmits the drama (imagine if she logged into FB and saw that you were no longer friends – yikes!). Basically put her on restricted profile/feed for now and eventually you can remove her. If she calls/texts, just pull the “Omg, I’ve been so busy!” card and don’t initiate meeting in person. Unless she is seriously clueless, then she will eventually get it. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Will you be in situations where you will keep running into her at social functions in real life? Do the “slow fade”.

If not, just cut her out. Life is too short for this crap!

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