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In person isn't an option, as we live out of town, so phone call is the best we can do. What do I say? Just that we've decided to go with a non-religious ceremony?
I think you should give him a chance first. Maybe call him and tell him exactly what changes you would like to make to the ceremony structure. It's likely that he will either agree to the changes, or he will decline from being your officiant if he's uncomfortable with the type of ceremony you want. That way you don't have to fire him.
Moose--I already tried that when we met--he basically said that he couldn't make the changes we wanted. We said we'd think/talk about it. So, I don't think the "break up" will be a complete surprise, but I still have to do it. (Honestly, I was hoping he would back out)
I dumped an officiant via e-mail, but he was not someone we or our families knew personally. I sent a nice email, because frankly, he was a jerk to us, and I did not feel like wasting more time scheduling an appointment with that assclown just so I could dump him.
Since your family knows this person, you may want to call him just so there are no hard feelings or problems down the road. If you are honest but respectful, he should understand. You deserve to have the wedding ceremony you want and you should not have to be stuck with someone who doesn't see or understand your vision- so be gentle, but don't feel bad about it. Good luck!
Since you've already talked to him about the changes you'd like and he's declined, I think you're right that he won't be surprised. I do think you should call him, esp since he's a family friend.
I agree with Monkeygirl...be respectful and polite and he will understand. I would simply say something like: "FI and I have given a lot of thought to our ceremony, and it seems like we are going in a different direction from what we talked about with you. We really appreciate and thank you for your willingness to marry us, but it seems like it would be best if we chose a different officiant. Thanks again for the time you spent talking with us."
Memorize what Julia just wrote and repeat! That's perfect since he already knows that you guys were discussing going a different direction with the wedding.
@Moose1209, thanks! If only I could solve my own issues so diplomatically :-) Hehehe.
Thanks Julia, that sounds perfect! And yes, I will definitely be memorizing a little "speech"--I hate calling people on the phone and only get through it by being completely rehearsed!
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We asked a family acquaintance to marry us, but since meeting with him, we've realized its really not a good fit--we'd like more flexability and more personalization than a religious ceremony can provide us. So, how do we tell him this? Does it have to be a phone call or can I email? I just hate the awkwardness!