Post # 1
Hi Bees, first time posting but been reading for… longer than I care to admit.
I’ve been dating my BF for 4 years now, and we’ve been friends for the past 7, we moved in together about 8 months ago. We haven’t really discussed marriage, but we’ve danced around it a lot (talked about kids, financial discussions about retierment and long term savings goals, things like that).
We’re both still young (24) so I’m fine with (and would prefer) waiting another 2 years or so before getting married, I just want a totally no pressure way to bring this up and see if his feelings are similar.
I feel like we both know we’ll get married someday, but that neither of us know when that day is. I just want to have some kind of idea on if we’re anywhere near the same page for a timeline, and not come across as a crazy “o-my-god-just-propose-to-me-now-I-can-haz-engagement-ring?!” person.
So any advice on how to bring up The Talk?
Post # 3
Get tipsy! Lol, I’m kinda joking but kinda serious. My SO and I have our most serious, and honest conversations about our future when we’ve had a few glasses of wine. It sort of takes the pressure off, and I find that both he and I are much more honest about our expectations when we aren’t feeling awkward or self concious. 🙂 By the way, don’t get drunk. You still want to be in control of yourself. Crying about how you are going to be too old to ever have babies is not helpful. 🙂
When we have discussions about our relationship stone cold sober, he is always worried about hurting my feelings and I am always worried about putting too much pressure on him. I feel like we are never quite as honest with eachother. So…yes, open a bottle of wine and discuss! 😉
Post # 4
@cucumberandlemons: “Where do you see this going?”
Post # 5
@lawyerchick13: are you describing my relationship? lol I do the same thing, for me I get more courage to talk about hard topics when I’ve had a few drinks, I hate being vulnerable so sober I have a hard time, been working on it thou, or it can get expensive haha
to the OP, I can tell you from experience do not bring it up when you’re drunk or mad, it would not help…that set aside and if you don’t want to go the wine route, I’d bring it up casually, not in a “we have to talk” kind of way or he’ll get paranoid before you even start… start by saying good things about the relationship and how happy you are with him now, but you just want to know if both of you are on the same page about marriage timeframe, tell him this is in no way pressuring him, no rush, you said 2 years to get married still, ask him how he feels about that and go from there
Post # 6
@badabing88: +1. Ask any questions to do with the future or just be like me and be direct:
Me: Babe, I want to talk to you about something
Him: Okay, what’s up?
It’s very easy really 😛
Post # 7
Start off with how much you are loving your relationship, but that you would like to know where you guys are headed in the future. Share your “timeline” and ask him if he feels the same. Can’t hurt to just talk about it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
“I love our relationship and how in sync we seem to be. I’m curious if we’re on the same page about the future as well…”
Post # 9
Just start talking to him! If you really want to marry him, you should be able to talk about it. If you want you can give him a heads up and say “hey babe, I’ve been thinking about our future lately and do you think we can talk about it this weekend?”
Post # 10
We did all our talking in a wine bar. Not drunk. Just some nice low lighting, appetizers, and red wine. It wasn’t that awkward once we started. Just say you were thinking about it, and here’s what you think, and you’d like to know what he thinks. Easy!
Post # 11
You can start if off with great sex, then cuddle. Say “I could have sex with you for the rest of my life”
Hopefully, you can lightly talk about the topic.
FI and I talked about getting married for about 5 years before he proposed. You can definitely talk about it without pressuring him
Post # 12
@cucumberandlemons: I’m gonna be another one for having a couple drinks and finding that “moment”. Something that leads in that direction. A movie about a couple getting married (a happy movie, not a psycho movie), just something to introduce the subject instead of pulling it out of thin air should make you feel easier about bringing it up.
Post # 13
@jadlnc: <— I was thinking exactly what this girl said.
When I’ve brought up hard-to-bring-up topics I usually start talking about something related to it. Like for a wedding timeline I’d start talking about someone you know is getting married and then you could say ‘I wonder when we’ll get married’ or something along those lines.
Also I agree with the having a drink or two. For me it only takes a couple of glasses of wine to become a lot more honest, but don’t have a few and start slurring and have him not take you seriously either. Just enough to relax you.
Post # 14
@ChelsBea: Great minds think alike 🙂