How to Cheer My Husband Up – advice needed (kinda long)

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods

Maybe you could throw your own Thanksgiving sometime a little before Thanksgiving day and invite all of his friends and yours, to show him that he has love and support of others even though he’s having a rough time with his family?

Post # 4
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with Aqualov; family isn’t always blood. I’m fortunate to have a great relationship with my family and Mr. H’s, but every Christmas I still have “family” Christmas. The guest list is our group of friends and the friends’ SOs. We cook a big meal just like we would at a traditional family dinner, and we exchange our gifts. Obviously for Thanksgiving you wouldn’t bring gifts (or you could, who doesn’t love presents??), but I think having a group Thanksgiving would be wonderful. Plus it would probably be nice for any friends of y’all’s that maybe aren’t close (emotionally or geographically) to their actaul families too. Good luck, I know that can’t be fun to deal with 🙁

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your husband’s family are being a bunch of jerks! How HORRIBLE that they are OK excluding their own brother/son to family events!!

I agree with the big friends Thanksgiving – we do one every year, and it’s wonderful!
We usually do a potluck and sit around chat & drink the whole time, everyone has fun.

I think it would make things easier for your husband if he limited contact with his family. Block texts and only accept phone calls, for instance. There isn’t much you can do about it but support him emotionally (I am sure he feels worse about this than he lets on) and become a better, more welcomign family than his own.

Post # 6
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ugh!!! My grandparents are the same way! My uncle pulled some BS and ‘uninvited’ us to Xmas because we didn’t make it to his kid’s birthday parties that summer (I was working out of state and DH works nights)…. My grandparents did not stand up for us at all! It was DH’s and my last straw so we sold our house so that we could leave the state and be closer to DH’s family… Right now we are living in an apartment 30 mins away (we used to be walking distance) while we look for jobs and line up our moving plans… We basically don’t exist to them anymore!! DH texts my grandpa to see if he wants to go to breakfast and never gets texted back … And we invite them to dinner and ‘they already have plans, and no time to schedule something else …’ It’s complete BULL!! But we should call more, and WE don’t communicate… UGH!

 I wish I had advice for you, but I don’t really…. Our plan is to move near people who do care about us… We miss having family interactions but we’re out of ideas and tired of our attempts being rejected…

Post # 7
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@krstino1012:  I am SO sorry to hear that DH’s family is acting this way. Blood does not a family make. I would not allow any of my friends to treat me this way therefore my family would never be able to act like such jerks to me. It sounds like DH is better off w/out his “blood family.” Be around those who want to be with both of you. His family needs to be accepting of both of you or get used to a life of not seeing either of you. I honestly don’t think DH should continue to visit them as long as they refuse to treat you equally. 

In my marriage DH & I are a package deal. If you have a problem with DH then you’ve got a problem with me. You don’t get to be an a-hole to my spouse and maintain a relationship with me. Do you have family that you and DH can spend the holidays with or possibly host a “FriendsGiving” at your place?

Post # 9
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@krstino1012:  i’m so glad that your family loves him (and i don’t mean that as if his family doesn’t. i just mean that i’m glad that your family is supportive and loving of you both). maybe each day in november you can write him a little 1-line note saying a reason why you’re thankful for him just for extra cheering-up 🙂 

 

i hope you guys both have an amazing holiday!

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