- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
This might be long, but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. If you don’t want to read it all just skip to the main story.
A little background: Growing up my mom and I didn’t get along very well because we both have very strong personalities. However, my mom, as much as a I love her, is a very controlling, manipulative, religious person. I know somewhere in there she has a good heart, but sometimes she struggles with what she believes is right, her way, and other people’s feelings. She’s the kind of religious person that doesn’t find it wrong to approach almost anyone and tell them how she feels about what they are doing. And this has put me in several extremely awkward situations. I know she doesn’t always mean to be so hard to handle, but to some degree it’s the only way she knows how to handle things.
Anyways, my mom and I never really got a long when I lived there–mostly because she didn’t want me to sprout wings and fly away, but she had a long list of expectations from me that I was unable to do. Once I moved out, things were tough for a long long time, but they are slowly getting better. There is no longer so much screaming and crying, etc. Things are still tense though because they don’t respect Fi for providing me with a place to stay when I needed to move out, etc. They don’t respect us having sex before marriage even though I feel that it’s personal between FI and I, none of their business since I’m an adult. All of these things makes for a tense relationship between me and FI, and my family.
Main story: Anyways, a few months ago my mom, after I’ve been engaged for a year now, says to me that she really wants to start helping with the planning. By this time FI and I are already done with almost everything. We had an idea of what we wanted and stuck with it and I got a lot done early because of school. One of the reasons why I haven’t really asked my mom’s thoughts on much of the wedding is because she’s opinionated and I knew from the beginning she didn’t like any of the ideas we’ve had (she’s a simple, Martha Stewart, ivory, cream, blush colored person and we are having a legos, sword, knight princess wedding). She hasn’t really asked much either and since we’re paying for everything ourselves we are keeping it simple, intimate, small, and I don’t really want it to be a big-to-do. I hope people don’t expect a big blow-out wedding because we can’t just afford it. And if they do, they can contribute some dang money.
So, today, she mentions to me, while I’m on my lunch break at work, that she really wants to hire my cousin’s ex-boyfriend’s mom (who is a wedding planner) to look over my wedding. In a round-about way she was saying that she doesn’t like everything for my wedding and wants to have a third party look at everything and tell me her opinion. She said that the wedding planner would be able to see things from the point of a guest as well and what she says the guests would otherwise be saying. We are trying to accomidate our guests, but to be honest, this wedding is about US. WE want it small, WE want it not super formal, and we aren’t being tacky about it, we are being US. My mom doesn’t understand this.
I politely tried telling my mom, thanks but no thanks. I know that they are broke as a joke and will probably need to get my dad’s tux so he can walk me down the altar. I feel like all of this is a waste of money on her end and on ours and while I want a nice wedding, I certainly don’t want to have to pay extra just to change something my MOM doesn’t like or whatever. I reallllly politely tried telling her today that she’s very opinionated and that I feel like this is why I’ve not asked for a lot of help yet–plus FI and I already knew what we wanted to do, and she wasn’t really ASKING about it, either. She said “You’re my only daughter and I want to be able to help out in some way, blah blah.” which is fine, but why not find another way? Why does it have to be some thing I feel is going to be a waste of money? I’m not trying to be mean to my parents, as I feel like my mom’s happiness about me and everything is finally coming around, but I wanted her out of my wedding planning for this reason and I’m not sure what a good compromise is. My friend is telling me I should let her do it but I feel like this is a disaster waiting to happen. If we’ve been able to make it this far without a wedding planner why do we need one now. Help, my mom is being insistant!