How to convince someone who thinks wedding dresses are white/ivory only?

posted 2 years ago in Dress
  • poll: How can my friend convince her mother to buy her a coloured wedding dress?
    Keep trying on coloured dresses and hope mum gives in eventually : (7 votes)
    24 %
    Pay for the dream dress herself, even though she doesn't have the $$$ : (16 votes)
    55 %
    Compromise - choose a dress with a white top and coloured skirt : (3 votes)
    10 %
    Compromise - get the David Tutera dress that mum doesn't mind : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Get 2 dresses - coloured dress as reception dress (expensive) : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    2661 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    That’s the problem with mom paying.  Mom gets a say.  I’d say pay for her own and get what she wants!

    Post # 3
    951 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn


    clairebbbear:  sometimes mums are a bit stuck in the past – my mum had some pretty interesting, outdated opinions on some of my wedding choices/planning.

    if i were your friend i would have a (potentially uncomfortable) chat with my mum along the lines of – i would love you to buy me the most important dress i’ll probably ever wear BUT it has to be a dress i like. i dont see myself in ******** i prefer ************ – if you dont want to buy my that then thats absolutely fine, but i need to know so i can start saving to buy the dress im going to walk down the ailse in.

    i would probably then buy my mum some wedding mags (to show not all dresses are white/ivory) and take then take her dress shopping and ONLY try on the colours i wanted to wear.

    im sure the mum will come round – its hard for them to accept that weddings arent like they were back when they all did it. buying the dress is a massive thing for some mothers – im sure she will come round once she sees just how pretty these coloured dresses are!

    Post # 4
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I can’t stop drooling over that first dress.

    Post # 5
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    She pays for her own. I really don’t think trying to change her mom’s mind especially if she is of a traditional point of view. I’m of the mindset I would rather pay for my peace of mind knowing i’m doing something MY WAY than compromise on what I want. I don’t have time nor engery trying convince another adult (even if its my lovely mom) to see things my way. I’d rather get a second job  and pay for it myself. 

    Post # 6
    237 posts
    Helper bee

    I think your friend may have to compromise with her mom on the dress.  Going into debt to pay for the dress herself would not be something I would encourage.  Especially starting a marriage that way.  I would rather support her relationship she has with her mom and her soon to be husband over a dress she would only wear for a few hours.

    Post # 7
    3099 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    clairebbbear:  She needs to pay for her own dress if her mother is going to be the deciding factor in what she gets. Honestly, she needs to stand up to her mother and thank her for the offer of paying for the dress, but she’s picking what she wants. My mother paid for my dress, and luckily she loved the dress I chose, but even if she hadn’t…I’d still be leaving with my wedding dress. If your friend is unwilling to tell her mother that this is her dream dress, then she needs to pay for it herself. My mother and I have completely different tastes, so I would never allow her preference to weigh over my own. 

    For the record, my wedding dress is that Allure dress pictured. In my opinion it’s very much a champagne color and even though the lace is ivory, it’s still pretty champagne-like. 

    Post # 9
    4638 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think paying for the dress herself alleviates all concerns.

    How on earth will she change her mothers mind? You can’t control the thoughts and opinions of others, you can control your own finances and budget.

    Post # 10
    1131 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    She should buy the dress herself, and shop secondhand and at trunk shows (she has plenty of time!!) so she doesn’t have to cut the guest list too much.

    Post # 11
    2560 posts
    Sugar bee

    To hell with the mother.  She’s engaging in a form of economic bullying.  Your friend should have EXACTLY the dress she wants, she won’t get a second crack at this.

    Could your friend establish a dress fund that her firends can contribute to in lieu of a gift ( $50 from 10 people =$500, that’s the downpayment taken care of)?

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  observer.
    Post # 12
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I say if she really wants it she should pay for it herself than she can have whatever dress she wants. 

    Post # 13
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Reading the title, I expected her to want to get married in green or something.  Did she need to tell her mom it wasn’t white?  I could see my mom thinking those dresses are a “dark ivory” for the main color.  Perhaps she can compromise with a “very light champagne/dark ivory” gown?

    Post # 14
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    clairebbbear:  regardless of who is paying for the dress, I feel that the bride is the one that has to wear it so she should get a say and shouldn’t get a dress because the mother doesn’t like the color. The mother will get over it. 

    Mother’s who are adament/stubborn and have a one track mind (i.e. wedding dresses should be white/ivory) about something, usually don’t budge – so I suggest that your friend buy the dress she loves whether mom loves it or not because if she gets something white/ivory and thats not what she wanted, she will look back on her day in pictures and regret that she didn’t get what she really wanted. 

    Post # 15
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    My friend wore her dream dress and it was beautiful.  To be honest, it really didn’t look untraditional to me.  I guess it is a dark ivory or champagne, but when you aren’t comparing it to true white, it really  just looks like a traditional ivory lace wedding aline dress.  Has she tried this gown on in real life for her mom?  Maybe with a formal long ivory veil?  Maybe she would change her mind

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