Post # 1
I’m trying to figure out the nicest way to play the “adult-only” wedding card. Growing up I’ve always been very sensitive to disruptive sounds. Earplugs are my best friend. After a somewhat heated debate about childless weddings, the inlaws-to-be and I attended a wedding where a child broke into tears just as the ceremony began.
Oh. Heeaaaeeeell. No.
It is very important to me that the ceremony be adult-only. I’m more flexible with the reception. But the wedding is in a somewhat obscure location where everyone will be coming from OOT and getting rooms. People will not be able to (easily) come to town without their children. So I’m thinking of hiring a babysitter on the big day.
What’s considered more polite – to hire a babysitter offsite for the whole day or to hire the sitter onsite for the ceremony only?
Thank you, wonderful Bees!
Post # 3
Does the church have a day care? If so, they may be able to ask one of the teachers to come in on your wedding day and watch some of the children there. You would probably have to pay her, but you would know its someone that is certified and background checked for being around kids. Also, the daycare would have toys and stuff to keep the kids occupied.
Not sure about how to word it, but good luck!
Post # 4
We are having an Adult Only affair as well. And it’s stated in a slightly smaller font and italicized on our actual invite. The information is also on our wedding website. I’m planning on hiring a sitter for the hotel and whoever wants their child to be watched can enjoy that service at the hotel…in someone’s room.
I am so adament on the adults only thing as well. I don’t want someone’s screaming child to ruin the atmosphere.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
i think hiring a babysitter for the day is a fabulous idea. i think guests are less likely to feel concerned about no-children if there children are close by and there is a babysitter provided for them. in terms of how to announce it, you could put the information about the babysitter on a wedding website if you have one (i.e. “unfortunately we won’t be able to accommodate children, however, we have hired an experienced babysitter…), write a follow-up email after the invites to all the guests with the babysitter information, or maybe include a separate card in the invitation (as you would a map or something) with the information. good luck!
Post # 6
I wanted no children, but it has ended up that children in our family ages 12 and up will be there. The no young children has not not been the most popular decision, but it’s our wedding, and our decision.
My advice is make a decision and stick to it. Other posters may disagree, but I don’t feel like I need to justify the no small children policy to anyone. If they ask, I will politely explain that little Johnny will need to stay home with a babysitter that night.
I would not however say to parents that you can’t handle little Johnny’s shrill scream. I have been keeping things simple by saying that no young children will be in attendance at the wedding, the guestlist is very tight etc…
I also am really against the idea of hiring a babysitter for the wedding. I think that finding a babysitter should be the responsibility of the parents and not something that we need to pay for. Now if any OOT guests ask me, I will try to help them by finding one of my younger sorority sisters to babysit that night or something like that.
Post # 7
We’re only hiring a babysitter for those who are OOT. Otherwise it’s up to the parent’s who live in town to hire their own sitter at their home.
Post # 8
We are trying to limit the age of children at our wedding, so I feel your pain. If we invited the children of all of those we are inviting it would be 75 children!!! Not my ideal day…
I agree that a babysitter is a good solution – as far as making it easy for your guests, but I also think that it’s not the best option for everyone. It can be expensive and hard to coordinate. We decided to put the info on our website. There is a section that states that the venue is “not exactly child friendly” and that we want our guests who are parents to enjoy an evening out without children. We have compiled a list of local babysitters to give out to people looking for one and are also hiring 2 people to be at the wedding to keep the kids who are there out of our hair.
I know some people will be unhappy with our choices, but you can’t please everyone! Best of luck!
Post # 9
We decided to invite only people over 16 to our wedding for various reasons. We didn’t have the money to pay for a babysitter and a separate location, etc. Instead, we just made sure that the parents who were invited had lots of advance notice so they could make other arrangements. Even before the invitations went out, we let people know (by email, phone call, or in person) that we were going to be having an adults-only wedding. This way, people knew even before the invitations were sent. Most people were pretty easy about complying, in fact, we were able to spin it to our friends that they would be able to have a fun, Grown-up night out. On the invitations, we addressed them only to the adults (Mr. and Mrs. Smith, not The Smith family) and double-checked the response cards. I was worried that people would be upset, but it actually went off really easily.
Post # 10
I wanted adults-only, but since the children in the family are all my nieces and nephews, there is no way that would fly. Also, my sister just got married and the kids all attended and were fine so I’m a little more relaxed about it.
But we are hiring babysitters to keep them in a separate room during the reception. The room is a boardroom literally next door to where we will be. I don’t care how much people hoot and holler about wanting their kids in the dark, loud, alcohol fueled ballroom, we aren’t having a kids table. There are just too many of them. What I’m going to do is tell my wedding coordinator NOT to let any of the kids into the ballroom and I’m staying out of it. And we are either hiring babysitters or their grandparents (inlaws, so not invited to the wedding) will watch them.
Post # 11
We’re doing adults only basically because FI’s sister has two little boys around 10 years old who are holy terrors. One of them is already a little kleptomaniac! I hate that it means that my well behaved nephew won’t be able to be there, but setting a rule is the best way to avoid hurt feelings. We’re spinning it as a grown-up night out too. My only worry is that some OOT guests won’t come, but if that comes up, I’ll consider getting a sitter to stay in a hotel room across the street.
Post # 12
I really wanted no children, but was overruled. And I am terrified my FH’s cousin (who has yet to RSVP, but lives in the town our wedding is taking place) will come and bring her undisciplined bratty kids. Already my FH’s other cousin is bringing his spoiled brat kid. His family just does not care about disciplining their children. Last Christmas the six of them ran around the house screaming at the top of their lungs. I wanted to hurt someone.
I have decided to ask the priest to say something along the lines of “If your child gets fussy, please move to the back of the church so as not to disturb the ceremony.” I am less worried about my family, there are less children, and my cousins are really good at keeping them quiet, etc. My FH’s family is just more cavelier about that sort of thing.
I just really hope that they keep their kids in line, or they may get a thank you note that says “Thanks for sharing our special day. Also thank you for letting your kid scream through my ceremony so that I couldnt’ hear my husband’s vows.” Lol.
Post # 13
Thanks to everyone for showing your support in my decision! Between the option of having a babysitter for the whole day, or just for the ceremony, which do you think will go over better?
I assumed folks would prefer to have their kids onsite and only babysat during the ceremony. But someone pointed out that it’s more “rubbed in their faces” that way. At least by having the whole day be adults-only, I can get away with saying “there’s too much booze” or some other excuse as to why I don’t want kids there. But for the ceremony-only option, it very much looks like “I’m fine with your bratty kids during our patio dinner, but they are not allowed at my quiet ceremony.”
Either way, I’m glad this is a more popular trend these days because I hate unruly kids!
Post # 14
Sorry I didn’t address your question before. I think a babysitter for the whole night is best. I personally wouldn’t say “because there is too much booze”. I’d just call it a “grown-ups night out”.
Post # 15
I am also in this predicament, and unfortunately our venue does not have a separate room where we could have accomodated kids. Thanks for all the input bees, this really helped me out! I am going to add briefly to our reception cards the no children please, and will explain further on our wedding website.
Post # 16
I had an adult reception and I put it on the reply card. “Adult Reception”
This is what my DH and I decided on.
No children under 10
We allowed out of state guests to bring children. There were two families that I knew would not come to the wedding if there weren’t alternatives. We figured people in town with kids were able to find a babysitter for the night.
My reception site had a conference room where I could use as the kids room. The kids would be served chicken fingers and fries in that room. The room would have a tv and toys to keep the kids busy. The room was close so parents could just walk by to check on their kids. I hired a baby sitter (my niece’s friend.)
As for the ceremony, my church had a kids room which was sound proof.
In the end, I ended up not using the room because the two families did not come. I thought I was being extremely nice by accomodating them. They gave me notice so I was able to cancel the activities.