How to cut down the number of bridesmaids without ruining the friendships?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I really don’t think you can do this without ruining friendships, especially if you tell them you’re “just not that close to them”

Post # 3
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think there will be hurt feelings if you tell them you’ve changed your mind about the number of bridesmaids you want. 

If you decide that’s what you want to do though maybe they could do a reading at the ceremony?

Post # 4
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

GypsieFlower: 

I agree with ChristinaC598… is there a way you can give them a different role?  I think they would understand and not feel slighted if you incorporated them somehow into the day in another way.  Otherwise I would keep them as bridesmaids.

Post # 5
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016 - Rosewater Room

I think the fact that you’ve already asked sort of seals your fate with this one. I don’t think I’d feel very good having been asked to be someone’s bridesmaid and then having them tell me they didn’t need me for it anymore. Even if we weren’t close, it would be poor ettiquette in my eyes.

However, if you really feel strongly about it, tell them sooner than later. Sit down with each one and nicely explain, look we’re just going to have a maid of honor and a best man up with us since the wedding is so small. But you being there is important, so if you’d like to be involved in the wedding, I would like you to be. There may be some hurt feelings, but that’s inevitable. If you’re willing to deal with the fact that some of your friends may be angry, then do what you want.

 

Post # 6
Hostess
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

GypsieFlower:  You can have them be bridesmaids, get ready with you, have matching dresses, be in pictures etc but you can opt to not have them stand at the front with you.  Have them walk in and sit in the front row, have your MOH and BM stand at the front. 

Post # 7
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think if you explain to them that you’ve really scaled down on the size of your wedding, and you’re only having a MOH and a best man, then they should be understanding.  

My husband was asked to be a groomsmen, and the couple has since cancelled their big wedding in favor of a much smaller ceremony for financial reasons.  We might not even be invited to their much much smaller wedding. Niether of us is in any way offended.  We get how stressful and costly wedding planning is, and the last thing we want them to stress out about is keeping DH in the wedding party, or on their limited guest list.

Post # 8
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have to say that you can’t do this without hurting anyone. If it’s what you really want, you’ll have to come to terms that you will likely hurt someone in the process. Unfortunate, but that seems to be the reality when cutting out members you’ve already asked. Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
903 posts
Busy bee

You could say you’re not having bridesmaids and call the two you want “witnesses” instead. Or, go with what MsGinkgo said, even without matching dresses. 

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