(Closed) How to deal with a VERY judgmental person who is around very ofthen (LONG)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Will you be 18 when you’re married? How long have you been with him?

You didn’t actually say how your FI knows this woman? It doesn’t sound like she’s in your usual social circle, so I would just avoid her at all costs.

Post # 4
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

she said 15 years apart.

Post # 5
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yeah I had forgotten that part by the time I reached the bottom of her post.

Post # 7
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

When it comes to May-December romances, this is part of the territory, and quite truthfully it is expected.

Being 17 and Dating someone who is 32 is gonna look a bit lobsided no matter what… (not that 18 and 33 is any better 8-| *rolls eyes*)

You can suck it up, or you can act like a girl in High School and make a big deal of it.  It really is up to you.

To tell you the truth, just cause you marry isn’t gonna mean it’ll end… someone will make a comment about the age difference from now until you are probably 35 or 40 (35/50 or 40/55 not being quite so dramatic to most people’s sensibilities)

As someone who is gonna marry an older man myself, I can tell you that the age difference makes the biggest impact when you are young or old… this is when the gap is most pronounced, because no matter what you do, the two of you are not always going to be on the same page, have the same interests, capabilities, etc.

It is what it is.

 

Post # 8
Member
7878 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry but I see two big red flags here about your fiance:

1. “(she) walked over to my FI & GOT IN HIS LAP” – hello… why did your fiance allow this to happen? What sort of fiance lets another woman sit in his lap?

2. “we have bevery close for the past few years”. Um, wow. So he was getting to know you when you were 14 or 15? That is not what normal men do.

I worry that your fiance is not the best man for you,

EDIT: Flag #3 – Why does your fiance let her talk to him like this? Why doesn’t he stand up for you and put her in her place?

Post # 9
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m sorry to say this but if you are 17 and claim to have been “very close” since you were 14/15 (aka the past few years), something seems very off about your FI. I agree with PPs….

Post # 10
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yep there’s definitely a few flags here.

What are the chances that your FI’s best friend is also dating a girl under the age of 20 if they are both 32/33?

I cannot ever imagine anyone saying, after meeting them for the second time ‘eww, why are you here’.

Post # 11
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

I wish you luck for sure.

I was 18 dating a 30 year old once. Didn’t end well for me. 

I hope it ends well for you. 

Besides that, outclass the bitch. Just….do everything you can to out class her. Don’t drink (you shouldnt be anyway), dont curse, dont smoke, Just be a lady. If she makes a comment about JR high again, ask her if she went to prom. NICELY I might add “So what dress did you pick for prom? I bet you looked wonderful!”. Kill her with kindness, either she will feel outclassed and go away, or everyone else will realize how petty she is being.

Post # 12
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If she is sitting on your FI’s lap without him saying a word to her, I would talk to your FI first. That sounds like the worst part of this to me.

Other than that, I would make an attempt to let it roll off me. She sounds like she’s being overly nasty for no reason so I wouldn’t give it any attention. Be polite and excuse yourself from her company whenever possible.

Post # 14
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Criticism like this comes with the territory and this one’s a double whammy. One, you’re very young to be engaged. Two, your FI is nearly twice your age.

The best thing to do here is be as nice and mature as possible. Don’t give her more ammunition. 

Post # 16
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@R4X2W:  As to her behavior, do your best to ignore it.  You cannot control other people, only your reactions to them.  It sounds like she perhaps is interested in your fiance herself.

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