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My own grandmother can be very mean & say really snarky comments. It's hard to take-- I understand! We're a long distance couple who have been together over 4 years & everytime I went to visit him she's like "He won't marry you, he's just using you!" blah blah.
People can say "ignore her" but it's a lot easier to say than do! My grandmothers comments still get me fired up! I started trying to let it roll off my back... I've tried deep breathing, chanting "she's old. she's old. she's old" and basically anything short of a spiritual dance.
The thing is his grandmother is old, you can't change her... and it seems like she's just made up her mind about you. I wouldn't go out of my way to be so helpful, but I wouldn't be rude or mean either. Just be cordial! Does she actually call you a controlling b*tch?! Seriously... your FI should really say something if she is degrading you like that.
Oy. Family dynamics... the things they don't tell you in the fairytales.
Thank you RecessonistaBride, unfortunately she does call me names and calls me fat Kelly just says that it's her old age and the fact that she doesn't have a filter. But it hurts to know that she thinks these things about me. I keep telling myself that I don't do these things for her but for her grandson and that helps until she corners me.
Here's a good funny (now) story that happened when we left for vacation earlier this year. Ok I live in southern Indiana and in January we had a really bad ice storm when we were gone on vacation in Ft. Myers Beach (Great place to vacation by the way) when we got back she said that we were never allowed to go on vacation in the winter again... Because the power went out. Um I didn't realize that we controlled the weather and that Kelly could turn the power back on with a wiggle of his nose... LOL The weather would have still been the same had we not been on vacation. Plus what was Kelly going to do snuggle with her to keep her warm??? I don't think so!
Hey, my grandmother is insane too! You deal by not expecting anything better from them. It makes it harder to be disappointed!
But seriously, she won't *let* him live with you? He is 27, after all...
I know right! He has never lived on his own cause she makes some sort of excuse to keep him wrapped around her cold bony fingers. She's just mean!!
GAH! I hate controlling family members! ;)
This is probably a terrible, awful thing for me to even think, but at least she is 76...
lol it's not that terrible if you've met her. My mother and co-workers think the same thing. It's hard not to think those sort of things about mean people. As long as we don't become them!
It's funny that you even think she is controlling cause she's the one that calls me the controlling b****. LOL
She's probably afraid to live alone and thinks that you will take him away from her. You may want to pop in Monster in Law and just watch it while she's there. So sorry that you're going through this, but at 76 I may be a bit "tart" (so mildly put) if I thought my only companion for the last 27 years was leaving too. BTW, you mow the grass and not your soon to be fiancee?
He mows his neighbor's. :o) I love that movie "Monster in Law"! and that is soo her! Ya I can see where she might get empty nest syndrom but sooner or later she should know that it's going to happen. He can't live there forever, plus she has another son that visits her everyday. There's times I just want to scream at her and say let it go!! She's not the only one that's been through what she's been through.
I don't think abusive family members get a free pass based on age. While issuing ultimatums is probably counterproductive, it is your FIs responsibility to set boundaries with his family in terms of how they speak to/about you. Good luck!
Unless there's some sort of reason (like alzheimer's) that she can't filter, she doesn't get a free pass just because she is old. In fact, she should have a bunch more experience regarding when to hold your tongue. She calls you names and treates you poorly and your fiance just lets it slide?!? He should at least have the guts to stand up to his nana and say " You may not care for buckwheatis, but she is my fiance and I am not okay with you treating her that way/calling her those names". He is going to be your husband...you shouldn't have to put up with that without at least his support! What's going to happen once your married? Is he going to live with her and come visit you? If he can't cut the cord now, when is he? If she comes to live with you then she needs to learn quick that that sort of disrespect won't do. He needs to address this NOW.
I'm beginning to think she has multiple personality disorder... She was so nice to me yesterday it's soo bizare. I'm wondering if my man did say something to her, or maybe she is finally beginning to realize that I'm in it for the long run... Put her down as one of the Unsolved Mysteries.
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So I'm not yet engaged but will be in the near future, and I need advice on how to deal with a grandmother who is not quite right. Here is the back story...
She is 76 a smokaholic, on oxygen, and breathing treatments (yet she still smokes a pack a day and says she doesn't understand why she can't breath....) She has raised my bf since he was in Junior High and has been over protective since he was born. When my bf was 3 his father her son passed away in an automobile accident, so she has clung to Kelly like her lost son. She has lost 2 husbands but she claims that she was never in love with them because they were good for nothings.
Now my bf is 27 he still lives with her because she will not let him live with me. She says that I am a controlling B**** and that I don't deserve him. However I mow her lawn every weekend and help her fix dinner on Sunday's. She doesn't think that Kelly should marry me till his debt is paid off (he only has his 5,000 left on his college loans) because she thinks we will end up getting a divorce over finances.
I have talked to Kelly about this he tells me to just ignore her and that she's just a pessimist. And that he doesn't even listen to her. But it's hard to go through life feeling like this woman hates me.
Does anyone have a simular experience or just some advice on how to deal with this insane woman?