- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
A little background about us– I’m 31, and FI and I have been dating for 8.5 years. We got engaged a year and a half ago. We’re paying for the wedding ourselves with the modest amount we’ve been able to put together. His family was thrilled when we told them about our engagement, and have been super excited and supportive through the whole process. My family (read: my mother)…well…
The first thing my mom did when we told my parents about our engagement was chug champagne while giving me the “panicking deer in the headlights” look. She’s been really put off by a lot of the things we’re planning for the wedding. When we originally wanted to do a small destination wedding with an at-home celebration afterwards, she didn’t speak to me for months. When we scrapped that plan and decided to push our date back six months so we could afford to do a big wedding, she freaked when we said we wanted formal (“what about our friends who want to wear jeans and hoodies?!? What will they do?!?”). She’s aghast that we’re doing assigned seating (“Why would you want to do that? That’s just ridiculous. What a stupid idea.”). I’ve been to enough weddings to know that we don’t really want 200 people wandering around willy-nilly and fighting over tables.
Lately she’s taken on the passive-aggressive front that she’s so very good at. I call asking for help with DIY projects, and she says “Well, I’ll need to see your list. I’m sure there’s things on there that you say are important but you don’t really need to do.” Tonight we were talking about a shopping trip we have planned to look for her MOB outfit, and she confessed that “I hate wearing dresses, but I didn’t want to tell you that because I think you’re going to think I won’t look good enough when I stand next to you if I don’t wear a dress.” Translation: I’m the pretentious brat who wants to punish her mother by making her wear a hoity-toity dress. Y’all, I’ve told her multiple times that if she wants to wear a pants suit that would be FINE by me. My only major concern is that she feels good and feels that she looks good on that day. FFS.
I know I sound like a whiny brat, but I’m at the end of my rope and needed to vent. I also shouldn’t be surprised…this is the woman who, every time I’ve brought up marrying FI prior to us getting engaged, constantly told me “just don’t marry him, because it’s a lot more expensive to get divorced than it is to break up and walk away.” She’s never wanted me to get married (or to have kids, which is a whole ‘nother can of worms but I have SERIOUS anxiety about that off-in-the-future day when I have to tell her we’re expecting). I don’t know why I expected her to be supportive during the wedding-planning process…maybe I’ve just watched too many wedding movies. Maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much if she wasn’t SO FREAKING EXCITED every time someone else announces their upcoming wedding. I mean, if she’s going to be happy and excited for anyone, shouldn’t she be that for her own daughter?
Any words of advice? How would you deal with a mom who really doesn’t want to be the mother of the bride?