Post # 1
My fiance is arrogant and I feel this has ruined our relationship and my trust in him. He just doesn’t seem to see things from my point of view although he will listen to me and say he does understand but it is obvious from his actions that he isn’t REALLY taking it on board. I want to end it with him but he won’t even accept this or believe me. When I’ve moved out in the past for a couple of weeks he said I was doing it to get a reaction! We are too old for this sh*t but I’m going crazy because I want him to understand and care that he is like this!! I have half moved out but having trouble taking that final step! How do you get through to an arrogant person? Can they ever change or is it a personality trait?
Post # 3
What does he do that is “arrogant”? Has he disrespected you in any way? Has he taken you for granted? You’re engaged, which is a form of committment in and of itself. Is there any reason why you can’t work out your differences and discuss this issue in a calm manner, without threatening to leave/move out?
Post # 4
@esplanfreedom: just move the rest of the way out!
Post # 5
Does he have any good qualities that you love?
Post # 6
Nope doesn’t change. Friend is married to a guy like this–total nightmare. Don’t stay with him. I will never be about you, only him. When you need him most, he will think about how it impacts him. When you have a child, he will get jealous and start to make it about himself.
The reason he doesnt beleive you is because you aren’t believable. You only half moved out. If you want him to believe, then actually do it. Move out, block his number, unfriend him, etc. But be ready to stick to your guns. The worst thing you can do is pretend to breakup with him in an attempt the shock him into changing. (BTW- he might try to win you back and pretend to change for a little while, but he will revert back)
Leave, you’ll be happier
Post # 7
you leave him because you said you want to end it. why are you trying to make it work just because he won’t accept you breaking up with him? That’s crazy – if you want to leave, you leave! He doesn’t have to accept it but you don’t have to stay either. Pack your things and move out. Then block all forms of communication.
Post # 8
He is critical about my friends and arrogant when speaking to them at times, he sometimes speaks in a controlling way to me e.g when we had dinner one night he asked me to pick a table and I said near the window and he answers with “alright, go” in a controlling way. He was reluctant to get engaged then reluctant to plan a wedding. He then lied and told me he wasn’t having doubts yet recently he has told me he has had doubts. There are too many problems that have caused the resentment to build. Now I am so paranoid that even a look on his face or if he gets short with me I feel he is disrespecting and just want to distance from him, which is why I moved out.
Post # 9
Leave! He hasn’t change so why do you expect this time to be any different? He has shown you over and over who he is and you still ask how to change him….YOU CAN’T and HE WON’T!
Post # 10
@MrsWBS: This. My ex was like this, and when I finally broke up with him, he didn’t believe me. I just kept moving out until I was finally done.
Post # 11
@esplanfreedom: If you have been with this man for a while and he is unwilling to change he probably isn’t going to change. Once a person decides to be a certain way and he is unwilling to listen to the person he is supposed to be marrying, he isn’t going to change unless he chooses to and/or goes to counseling to deal with his issues. And the fact that he has doubts about marrying you is a telling sign of what is to come. I wouldn’t want to get married to someone who has doubts about being with me and marrying me. Then he will probably resent you for it because he married you even though he had doubts. I think you are wise to have moved out. And if I were you I would end it, there are a lot of fish in the sea and you deserve so much better than an arrogant prick.
Post # 12
You asked ‘How do you get through to an arrogant person?’ Short answer, you don’t. He would want to have to change, and change is a long and hard process. You don’t mention how old he is, but if he is over the age of 25, I would personally say that the chances of him changing such a fundamental aspect of his personality is less than zero.
It is obvious from what you’ve posted that you don’t like the way he interacts with you – or your friends. As other posters have noted, this isn’t going to improve with time. Just move out and move on.
Post # 13
I guess I stupidly wanted him to change if I told him the way he is acting is hurtful. He is amazing and considerate most of the time but his attitude stinks. He is affectionate and always looks after me if I’m sick or upset so I stayed with him and thought “no-one is perfect”. My psychologist told me these are all superficial things and I need someone on an emotional level too and someone who is involved in life with me. It’s so weird how someone can be so caring physically but so self involved in other ways!!
Post # 15
Your Fiance sounds like my ex husband. Notice the EX there? Yeah, I doubt very much he will change. Mine never did and STILL talks to me this way even though we’ve been divorced for 4 years and I am remarried. I would run if I were you.
Post # 16
@esplanfreedom: I think it’s time to realize that the relationship has gone its course. It no longer works for you.
You can just leave permanently. Don’t get so hung up in trying to get him to see this. He may never. People can change behaviors IF THEY WANT TO, but it is pretty impossible to change the core characteristics. Arrogance goes into the core characteristics category.
I do not see any reason to stay in this relationship one more day!