How to deal with attraction to people other than your partner?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you feel attracted to other people?
    Yes, I do, very often. : (5 votes)
    8 %
    Yes, but not that often. : (45 votes)
    74 %
    No, I never feel attracted to others. : (11 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee

    Do you mean purely physical attraction or some kind of emotional “I wonder what it would be like to date that person” attraction? Of course, I still find other men to be good-looking, but I haven’t felt any sort of emotional attraction towards anyone else since getting together with my SO. That hasn’t been the case in my other relationships, and to me is a warning sign that something isn’t right in my relationship.

    Post # 4
    Member
    795 posts
    Busy bee

    @mirrored:  Im sure most people feel “attracted” to others at times. The key is to keep yourself from allowing anything to escalate. Cheating does NOT start in the bedroom. Casual chit chat is fine, but I would avoid anything deeper. It can be a gateway drug, so to speak. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @mirrored:  Well when I find someone to be attractive, it’s usually because they look like my husband in some way; so I don’t really feel guilty about it.  However, very rarely do I find someone attractive and it’s usually on a show or movie or something, so talking to them isn’t really an option.  I think the fact that I was super picky physically (i.e. had to be a certain height, hair color, eye color, etc) when I was dating ensured that I’d be really attracted to whoever I was with.  Of course when it came to marriage, I was even pickier lol.

    Post # 7
    Member
    518 posts
    Busy bee

    Before my boyfriend, I found people attractive all the time and would flirt and talk to my friends about a cute guy or I would fantasize about him, I was like that for all my adult years no matter who I was with. Even when I was married I would flirt with other men or talk about other men to my friends.

    Since I’ve been with my boyfriend I can honestly say I have never found another man attractive, and if I did I would never tell anyone. I find it disrespectful to my boyfriend to even say another guy is cute out loud. I know that everyone’s relationship is different, but I am huge on respecting him. I would never talk to or let that attractive man into my thoughts again. I wouldn’t feel guilty if I felt something, but I would feel guilty if I talked to him or starting thinking about him after whatever brought him into my line of sight was done. That’s how affairs start, with a physical attraction, then you’re fantasizing, then you’re talking to him and before you know it, well, it’s all of our worst nightmare.

    You can’t help a physical response, but you sure as hell can control your response.

    This doesn’t hold true for women, I say women are gorgeous all the time to everyone including my boyfriend, and I don’t care if he agrees. He’s the man in the relationship, it’s just a little different. Obviously I wouldn’t want him talking to her and I know he absolutely would not, out of mutual respect for me. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @mirrored:  being attracted to an attractive person is normal…talking is not ok…staring isnt ok either

    Post # 9
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee

    @mirrored:  Don’t feel guilty – just because you are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean your eyes don’t work and you don’t still have hormones and desires! I forgot to mention that as long as you keep it at friendly chat and nothing flirty, and you can trust yourself and that other person to respect your relationship, I don’t think talking to that person is a problem. Just enjoy the eye candy 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    I rarely feel attracted to others, I don’t really notice them. But when it happens, it’s about a detail : great smile, nice personality, etc. But it’s just a temporary feeling, and it never goes beyond the ”ooh that guy’s cute” thought. I don’t imagine dating him or anything. I don’t feel guilty when it happens, attraction is not something we can control. As long as you’re not doubting your relationship and not acting up on this attraction you’re fine. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee

    I only ever see a person passing by, think “He’s cute!” and then keep going about my business.  When I get approached by people, 99% of the time I’m not attracted to them anyway, but either way, a huge siren goes off in my head that screams “NOPEYOU’RETAKENOFFLIMITSNOTPOSSIBLE!!!” – even if I find a person attractive.

    Post # 12
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @mirrored:  You let it pass! It’s a normal and healthy feeling, just appreciate it and move on. I find this happens to me every once in awhile and it always goes away by itself. It says nothing about you or your committment to your SO as long as you don’t act on it!

    Post # 13
    Member
    8593 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I find other people attractive/good looking!  It’s hard not to notice something like that!  I don’t ever feel emotionally attracted to someone though (at least I haven’t since being with DH).  I guess if you’re in a situation to talk to them (like if they’re a friend of a friend) there isn’t anything wrong with small talk.  After that I’d just let it go.

    I don’t feel guilty over finding someone physically attractive, it’s a normal human reaction.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9220 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I can objectively see another man as being good looking or attractive.  But I never feel attracted in a sexual way to anyone besides my husband.  I think of it as two different things.  Having eyes and a brain that can judge a hot guy but does not affect me on an emotional level – which is the passionate love I have for my husband. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    6026 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think you have to acknowledge that it’s a normal human response, and that there’s nothing wrong with it as long as you don’t act on your feelings.  

    Post # 16
    Member
    4441 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @mirrored:  I’ve never felt emotionally attached to someone, but I’ve definitely been attracted to other men.  I usually flirt with them (no touching, no contact info exchanged, etc) and then go home to my husband.  *shrug*

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