Post # 1
My DH has PTSD and TBI. It’s been very hard trying to get him help and even worse when he has one of his episodes. My family doesn’t understand his condition and talk crap about him. We don’t have anyone in the military and they don’t understand issues they come back home with. I never knew either until I met my DH and have learned a lot about military life, it’s not easy for anyone.
I also have my issues with depression because of my mom. We are total opposites and don’t get along. We are best when apart and have such a better relationship. I could never win with my mom, she always has to complain about something and my younger brother is her favorite child (she has literally said more than once.)
My brother is having his e-party this Saturday and I’ve been in such a depressed state that I just don’t feel like being around anyone, especially family. We’ve never been a close “Brady bunch” kind of family. I’ve always been on my own and not so much a family person. DH and I eloped for this reason and also because my family wasn’t respecting my Dh and I wasn’t getting along with my mom at the time. My mom also likes to make assumptions about our relationship and tells the family, which spreads rumors about our marriage and makes me look dumb.
I told my mom today that with all respect and I don’t expect her to understand, but I don’t think I’ll make it to my brother’s e-party, but of course I’ll be there for the wedding. I’m just not ready to be around family, especially when my husband can’t be there with me. My mom is always telling me how she wants me to talk to her and be more open with her, but when I do she uses those facts against me and throws it in my face eventually. That’s why I don’t tell her anything about my life.
So she went off on me saying that I’m selfish and I don’t care about anyone but my husband and my dog. And she called my husband my boyfriend because she said she doesn’t believe we are married and wants proof. She was asking me to show her our marriage certificate. Which I responded that I’m sorry she feels this way and she can think whatever she wants but I don’t have to explain or prove anything to her.
I confronted her about talking to her family about my marriage and she denies it, but I have my cousin calling me telling me that she’s always asking her for information about me and giving her opinion about my relationship. My mom is a pathological liar. Has been ever since I can remember. Sadly, I should be use to her behavior but it still hurts.
Anyone with depression feel this way sometimes? I know I may be selfish by not going to my brother’s e-party, but just thinking about being there gives me anxiety. Especially when my mom talks so much crap about my marriage and has actually told me that my brother proposed to his gf the right way and he’s doing everything the right way, the way it should be done. Which I know is a dig at the way DH and I got married. Which I told her there is no right or wrong way to propose to someone. Everyone is different and it’s special in their own way. She disagreed.
This topic was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by newbeelove.
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2015 - Bali
I have suffered from depression for my entire adult life.
The things that I have learned:
1. I need to stay on my medication. Probably for life and at some stage, through pregnancy. Some people just have brain pathways that need a little something extra. I am one of those people. It took me a long time to be at peace with that. If I had diabetes or high blood pressure I would take medication. This is no different.
2. Surrounding yourself with people that are good for you is just as important as medication.
3. Be kind to yourself and put your needs first.
This includes distancing yourself from toxic people. I obviously don’t want to say anything bad about your mother, but her behaviour sounds toxic to you. It sounds like this is her issue, not yours – and you don’t have to own it. I think the way you have responded is perfect. You don’t owe anyone any explanations. I also think that not going to the engagement party if it will make you anxious is ok. You don’t owe your mother and explanation. If anything, perhaps a chat with your brother will help (and a nice gift).
I hope you start to feel better soon. 🙂
Post # 3
Lauren267: Thank you for that. Believe me, I do feel bad or else I wouldn’t be letting it get to me the way it is. Makes me feel worse. I told me mom when I was 15 that I feel like killing myself, I don’t know why. And all she did was make fun of me and belittle me. I was molested when I was 6 yrs old among other things and I just told her at age 25. She never knew. It was a neighbor boy in his teens and his sister (very sick, I know.) She doesn’t understand how that has effected me and learned to suppress my emotions. But not that I’m older, I can’t seem to handle my emotions anymore. And all she does is blame my husband for my depression.
I was afraid I was going to get back lash for not wanting to attend his e-party. So thank you for your sincere reply.
Post # 4
Depression is an illness but there’s still people that will deny the severity of it. People who have never had it think it’s just normal sadness. I’ve had it in my lifetime and if I’m not careful it can return. I surround myself with good, generous, and positive people. From what you describe, your mother is a very toxic person to be around. She doesn’t help your condition in the slightest. I think in this particular situation, you should talk to your brother about attending and not your mom. She should be kept out of it completely. If she tries to bring it up, you’ll just have to say ‘mom, we’ve discussed this and I’ve made my decision. Let’s talk about something else. If you want to continue talking about this, I will have to leave (or end the conversation, depending if you are in person or on the phone). Then stick to your guns! If she continues, just say ‘mom I have to go now. Bye.’ Don’t feel guilty either. You are putting up healthy boundaries. I also really think talking to your brother will be helpful too. You’ll have to remember that it’s not his fault if your mom puts him on a pedestal. I don’t know your relationship with him, but look at him with empathy. 🙂
Post # 5
sarahquinn: Thank you. It’s hard to have heart to heart with my family. Unfortunately, my brother is just like my mom. They don’t see depression as an illness. They see it as I’m just not happy with my life and I’m just jealous. Which is not the case. When I’m away from my family and just me and my husband I’m very happy and look forward to our future. My issues are with my mom. And she tries to interfere in my life which causes problems. If I talk to my brother, which I have in the passed about why DH and I eloped, he just said that I was selfish and it wasn’t right. Him and my mom are gossipers and would only make my situation a joke and not be understanding at all.