How to deal with extreme negativity?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Evie19:  You say she loves you but making you feel nagative all the time does not indicate love. I would be honest and tell her her negativity upsets you and you would prefer if she kept her negative thoughts to herself more often. I like the idea of telling her outright you can’t wait to experience all the highs and lows of motherhood and it’s such an amazing thing to do.

PS. Im pretty sure sex does not get any less amazing after kids! You vajayjay is like a rubber band, just give it some time 😉 Besides, life is a million times more fun with kids to enjoy it with you! No fun ends because of kids 🙂

Post # 4
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Only you can allow what someone says to negatively affect you. I don’t see why you need to take all of this so personally. Ignore her or simply say “thanks, but I feel differently,” and move on with your life. Waxing on about the rainbows and unicorms of having children is only going to antagonize her into more negativity, she’s clearly itching for a “fight.” And not everyone is going to be as super excited as you are, and that’s ok. It would be nice if she kept her opinions to herself, but seriously, this is not worth wasting any more time or energy on. Ignore her.

Post # 6
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

So be curt. If she tries to engage you, say “I’m having the baby, you’re not, this is not something we need to agree on, butt out.” Bluntness is sometimes the only way to get through to people like this. If you’re not comfortable being blunt, then expect her to carry on.

Post # 7
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Hausfrau:  Must admit bluntness is sometimes necessary with people like this. She won;t take a hint if she is itching for a fight or enjoys tiffs with you over this kind of thing. Tell her hoe you feel! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Evie19:  Well, nothing you’ve listed that she’s said really seems all that bad. Some of the advise she gives does appear to be designed to offer genuine help although it is rather blunt.  Confronting her about, let’s face it, her abrasive personality isn’t going to help. It would only result in hurt feelings and possible family drama.  Either avoid her or learn to cope. 

Learn the phrase, “You might be right.” 

Her: “Oh, your vagina is going to fall out of your body!”

You: “You might be right. Hey, how’s cousin Larry?” 

Her: “You’ll never have fun again! “

You: “You might be right but we’re looking forward to having the baby.” 

Its a good phrase to deflect because while it acknowledges you heard her, it doesn’t confront, agree or disagree. You can use it as a lead in to either change the subject or put a more positive spin on what she’s saying.

Good luck.

 

Post # 9
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ooo so tough. Not knowing more about her and how hard she pushes, I wonder if responding or engaging at all is actually WORSE – as in she’ll be satisfied, because she got to you or got you to react.

My mom is kind of like this, and when I can control my temper and reaction I’ve found that she gets totally deflated if I just ignore the comment and move on to something or someone more positive. Or slightly more satisfying to me – give her comment a little pause or look to give her a chance to feel silly for saying it, then move on.

You know how she’d react better though. That may not do anything.

At the end of the day, however you decide to react, just make sure you focus on all the great positive comments you get!

Post # 11
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

i have someone like that in my life.  When anyone talks about their kid, she always says “of course they are cute now- wait until they are pot smoking teenagers who wreck the car!”  And those around her have taken to replying “Ah Susan- you are always such a ray of sunshine!”

It shuts her up.

Post # 12
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Evie19:  She sounds awful. Does she have any children? I have a daughter and my vagina is just fine. I have plenty of awesome sex with my husband. I also still have plenty of free time bc my kid naps, sleeps well and plays happily by herself at times. My husband and I go on dates without our daughter all the time and even leave her for the night with my parents to go out with friends. Life didn’t stop, it got much better. I would tell her that you’re very excited about your new chapter in life and would appreciate she keep her negative comments toherself.

Post # 14
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh. I hate miserable people like that!

I generally laugh at whatever they say, then deflect it with a joking comment! (“You know, I have a friend whose uterus fell out of her vagina 10 years after having her last baby!” “Haha, that must have been TERRIBLE! Keep your fingers crossed for me!”)

I go out of my way not to engage negative people. Negative is a temperment. They’re born that way, and for a lot of people, it’s just too much effort to change!

Post # 16
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Evie19:  I have to be around a person that is very negative. It seems like she actually enjoys the misfourtunes of others (who are her friends, by the way). It’s very hard to be around her. I’m also very sensative and so it’s really hard to ignore the barbs she throws out.

But I’ve found that if I simply ignore the rude comment and change the subject…no matter how hard she tries to get back to it, it ultimately disarms her. I usually do this by asking a question about her. Somehow this trips her up and she starts going on about some project she’s working on, etc.

I’ve actually been in a three-way conversation with her and another lady and the third party actually told her to “back off” after a rude comment was flung. That worked! 🙂

Good luck. Try and remain positive and just avoid her if necessary. Don’t let anyone rain on your happy news.

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