How to deal with Guilting FMIL….

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Tell her she is welcome to come work both your jobs while the events are on to allow you to be able to make it. Or ask her to give you the money you both would have made in that time if she really wants you to miss work for every single event.

Post # 4
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I would tell her that you guys can’t feel guilty for living your lives, and as much as you miss seeing everyone regularly, you’re young and trying to build a life together, and this has to be your priority for now. If she still tries the guilt trip I’d say “I love you but when you say these things it feels like you are trying to make us feel bad for the choices that we are making, and that is really unfair on all of us. Know that when we are in a better place, we will be able to make every effort possible to spend more time with you. But for now that just isn’t the case and if you’re not able to support us then maybe it would be best if you didn’t call for a while.”

I have no problem with cutting people off though, and I understand that this probably wouldn’t go down well in a lot of situations.

Post # 7
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@Barbiestylez:  Exactly, and if your jobs don’t allow you to take the time off tell her if you lose your jobs because of all the family things you are going to, she can pay your salary until you find new jobs.

Post # 9
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

What your FI should say to his mother: “Mum, you raised me to be a hard working individual who takes my responsibilities seriously. Right now I have a responsibility to my employer to not take too much time off work, I also have a responsibility to @Barbiestylez:  to pay my part of the rent/mortgage and other bills. YOU raised me to attend to my responsibilities. You also raised me to remember that life is hard when you first start, you have to make sacrifices. Right now that sacrifice is coming to see you AND sister on SUNDAY not Saturday. I still get to see my family and abide by the values that YOU taught me. I’m really hurt that you aren’t proud of me for being such a hard, responsible worker.” 

Take THAT guilt FMIL!

Also, perhaps offer to be on speaker phone when the actual gender is revealed (if possible)? At least they can still get your reaction and you can be part of the surprise. 

Post # 11
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@Barbiestylez:  I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I think your FI should say either what I suggested or what @Everdeen:  just said. Turn the guilt around on her!

Post # 13
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I just can’t fathom a parent encouraging someone to essentially play hooky (even if the shift is covered). Parents are normally the ones teaching us that we need to work hard. AND they are the generation who bashes Gen Y for being “lazy”. Was she born with a silver spoon in her mouth and never quite got the whole “hard work” thing? 

Post # 14
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Barbiestylez:  Seriously? It’s just a bl**dy gender reveal party!

They are a new trend and a pretty pointless one at that. Now I’m up to 8 nieces and nephews (and 3 kids of my own) I wouldn’t want to go to a gender reveal party for my own siblings, with or without a 90 mile drive. Just tell me the gender when you’re ready. When I’m a grandmother – maybe.

I’d just ignore the texts. You’ve given your answer and your 90 miles away.

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