- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So I need some advice from you bees on how to react/respond to my FMIL sometimes…
I work weekends at a bar (Fri&Sat nights) & Ive worked there for 6 years, so before FI & I even met. I also run an ebay store so Im always busy, but I only work those two shifts at the bar, where I make a good chunk of my income to pay bills/whatnot. My FI works Mon-Fri doing hard labor & for the past 3 months hes also been working Satudays, so 6 days a week 6am-5pmish he works.
FI’s family lives about 90 miles away and his mom has had a rough time adjusting to him not living there anymore. The continuous issue we are having is FIs mom constantly guilting us/jabbing at us with comments because we cant just call off work to come “home” & attend the family events every.single.weekend.
FI comes from a large family… so there is literally some sort of party/celebration/event every weekend. Seriously. So its impossible for us to go to every event. We just cant make it. Between both our jobs & 4 dogs at home, we are busy. We try to make it to everything we can, but we also have my family to spend time with occasionally too. Its a tough balance.
So this weekend FIs sister is having a gender reveal party for her first pregnancy on Saturday. FI told her that he & I both work this coming Saturday … ( They know I work every saturday and expect/want me to call off to attend) — But since we are both working, we cannot be there. There is no way FI can just take off work.. its not that simple. So he suggested her moving the party to Sunday if possible & she said her hubby is busy with coaching high school football, so it had to be Saturday. FI told her that we just couldnt attend, but we are driving down Sunday to spend time with the family because thats when we can. His sister seemed okay with it, and that was that.
Well tonight, FIs mom text me saying:
“I really want you to come Saturday. It would mean a lot to us, and we really want you both there.”
This is after FI had told FMIL THREE times that we will not be coming due to work. I text his mom saying:
” I really wish we could attend, but with work, we are stuck & just cannot take off to be there. It sucks, but we will see you Sunday to celebrate.” She then replies:
“FSIL really wishes you could be there too. She feels like FI doesnt even care about her having a baby…:(“
So basically, FI & I get guilted everytime we cannot drop our lives completely to drive 90 miles to hang out. FI goes “home” roughly 2-3 times a month. Mind you, he only gets 4 days off a month lately… So He does what he can, but again, we have a life here and cannot just be at their beck and call.
So after that text, I just stopped replying because I dont want to be dragged into that drama. FI text his mom that he didnt like her saying stuff like that to me and that he already told her we had to work. She then said she has feelings too and is upset.
So bees, how do we deal with this? This has been going on for 3+ years now. Its like you say you cant make it, and she asks 10 more times with digs at you to guilt you. Its really frustrating. Any advice would be appreciated.