(Closed) How to Deal with Moms bf and Dads gf?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should just sit down with your mom and explain your concerns about inviting her bf to your wedding.  Hopefully, she will be able to get him showered and keep an eye on his alcohol consumption at your wedding.

Etiquette-wise, it really isn’t right not to invite him unless you are not allowing +1s across the board.  If you have a friend who decides to bring a loser guy to your wedding, it’s not like you can single them out and tell them they can’t bring a +1, same goes for your mom.

If your mom doesn’t think it’s best for him to come, she’ll have to make that decision.

Post # 4
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First, definitely invite your dad’s gf. I don’t think there’s any reason NOT to. She seems lovely and everyone gets along.

Second, I think you should sit down and talk with your mom abou Sven. Surely she is aware of his bahavior and the perception of everyone else regarding his behavior. If not, she needs to be. I think this is something bigger than just your wedding day. This is who your mother is choosing to spend her life/time with and he obviously isn’t a good choice. I think you need to be loving, respectful, and open in your conversation. Don’t insult her or her choice in men because that will only make her defensive. Trying telling her that Sven’s behavior has been making you, and others, uncomfortable and you are worried about his behavior at the wedding. Tell her that you are willing to give him a chance at xyz family function before the wedding but if he can’t handle himself then you aren’t willing to risk having this loose cannon at the wedding because you don’t want your mother to have to baby-sit the whole evening. You want her to be able to enjoy her daughter’s wedding to the fullest extent!

Post # 6
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hmmm, seems kind of like a damned if you do, damned if you don’t on inviting him. Will your mom be depessed/cause a scene if he’s NOT invited? If she won’t then I would say go that route. Screw etiquette, do what’s best for you and your wedding. I’m guessing this guy doesn’t spend his time reading Emily Post so you’ll be fine. If she WILL be depressed and it will be a big issue is there any way you could ask the bartender to cut him off after ___ number of beers? Also, just keep in mind that this is your wedding day! You will be so happy about marrying your husband and having such a great time with your guests and I don’t think anyo (Rational) will judge or blame you for this guy being at your wedding. You cannot control the actions of a grown man. I say do what you can to address the situation but at some point you just have to say whatever happens, happens and enjoy your day!

Post # 7
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I would def. invite your dad’s gf, however if you don’t want your moms bf there and you have good reason not to I would just tell her. It’s like he’s your dad or you really have a step-father relationship with this guy. My parents are divorced and I haven’t been the closest with my dad up until about a year ago and his gf def. drinks way too much and I know she will probably have already had one to many before the ceremony so I told my dad she has to sit in back or in the middle so as to avoid a lot of issues, my mom won’t be mean anything but her and my stepdad (who i’m very very close too) don’t really hold their tongues and I don’t want my dads gf to feel really uncomfortable and really do something stupid. lol

Post # 8
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have a few family members that are loose cannons (my mother included), and I’ve already started the process (we aren’t engaged yet) of accepting that some people will make asses of themselves at my wedding and that I need to just turn a cheek to it and be happy for the love between my man and I.  My grandmother would be devestated if I didn’t invite those ‘loose cannons’ to my wedding, and her happiness is more important than my caring about people being stupid.

Sorry you’re in the situation you are in, but you are definately gonna have to have another ‘talk’ with your mother.  I’ve had to do this with mine a few times for different family and friend functions and made sure that she wasn’t playing the ‘whatever’ game with me.  Game face was on, serious tone was taken, and I didn’t let up until she admitted that she acknowledged my concerns and at least made a commitment to put in an effort to not act like an idiot. Doesn’t usually work, but people have never help me accountable for her actions and at least I could rest easy knowing I tried.

Maybe you are going to have to approach it from the serious, not joking, this is my wedding, most important day of my life, and if you give a crap about me and my feelings you will take my concerns seriously tone.

 

Post # 9
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I do not think you can invite your dad’s gf and not your mom’s bf.  I think that’s basic etiquette fail.  Not only would I be pissed if I was your mom but I would notice it as a guest and think it very strange.  Especially since your mom’s bf is much longer standing.  I would just decide what you want more – to have your dad’s gf there or not having Sven and go with that.

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