Post # 1
I love my mom. But seriously, she is getting on my last nerve. I’m afraid of completely blowing up on her on my wedding day, which would be bad because she’s the kind of woman that ‘never forgets’.
We have different tastes when it comes to wedding style. She’s more elegant/traditional and I’m all about whimsical, different details. Anytime she hates something that I am doing, she makes a face and says ‘It’s your wedding’ and then walks away. I find it interesting that in the past, she has been critical of her friends who have been ‘over-involved mothers’ in their daughter’s weddings, then she does the exact same thing. I really want to talk to her about my feelings, but she’s also the type that takes things personally if you criticize how she behaves.
I’m sure a lot of you have had this exact same issue. How did you deal? If you spoke with your mom, did she take it constructively or did she hold it against you?
Post # 3
The next time she said "It’s your wedding," I’d reply "Yes, mom it is. I’d appreciate your support, even if you don’t agree with my choices, your approval means a lot to me."
I know a lot of mothers have an idea of what their daughters’ wedding will be like, and that idea reflects their own personal taste, not their daughter’s.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2010 - Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington
My mom was very similar at the beginning of the wedding planning in the sense that she wasn’t supportive of most of my decisions. It hasn’t gotten to the point where she dislikes my ideas, but she is warming up to the idea that this is my wedding, and so long as I have her blessing, we will plan it according to how we are as a couple.
As the budgetbeautiful put it, just tell her that it is your wedding, and although you don’t want her approval, you want her support in your decisions. Explain to her that weddings today are not like the weddings of yesterday and that they should be a reflection of the bride and groom.
Hopefully she’ll slowly grow out of it!
Post # 5
I am the most involved Mom in the word..I’m on wedding bee, aren’t I. When I make a suggestion to Lynneea that I think is GREAT and she hates it I have to be careful not to get my feelings hurt. On the other hand, we are mostly on the same page. Her and her FI picked the colors, venue, etc. then I am helping with details, DYI etc.
Regarding your Mom please let her be as involved as you can stand. Take her to lunch and tell her how much you love her and explain that you want her to help you create YOUR vision.
I’d hate for her (or you) to miss out. My daughter and I have been making wonderful memories!
Post # 6
Ugh, my mom does that sometimes and it bugs the crap out of me. Usually I just let her walk away and eventually she asks how something turned out or what I picked and she’s really interested.
No 2 women can EVER agree on anything wedding related. We all have our own opinions. But both sides need to come to terms with what the other side is talking about and then, if you have to, come to a compromise.
Post # 7
@kazoochair How nice to hear the other end of this debate! Good for you for being both involved and helpful.
I actually wish my mom were more involved. She’s so busy she doesn’t really ask me about what I’m doing, and I feel awkward asking her to help. *sigh*
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2009 - Cathedral of the Sacred Heart & The Jefferson Hotel
Mama Cloud and I have had some rough patches along the way, its hard for both of us because we are so far away and she feels like she is missing out on things. I try to be sensitive of that, and know when I feel like she is being snarky, its not about me or the particular decision we are talking about, its about her feeling left out. I’m not saying thats why your mom is acting the way she is, but it could be any number of reasons. Maybe shes just sad because she feels like she is loosing you or something? Either way I always try to take deep breaths and when I feel myself start to get mad I try to put the convo off until we have both calmed down a bit.
I know its rough, funny how weddings can bring out both the best and worst of people isnt it?!
Post # 9
Whelp you ladies are all ahead of me, your mothers know you are engaged. At the rate my relationship with my Mom is going she will be getting a very surprising invitation in the mail along with the rest of my family. The thing of it is I would love for my Mom to be involved in planning our wedding and to take an active role in some part of the yet to be created ceremony, but some mothers just don’t let their daughters be their best selves because already have an idea of who that should be. Poli2b our mothers must be long lost siblings based on what I am reading, my Mom does the same thing about EVERYTHING I do. It can be frustrating and hurtful particularly about something so important to you and your fiancee. Let your Mom know that you love her and you appreciate her ideas, but that this is your time to do what you want. Ask her to give you the space you need to make the wedding the best and most personal moment you can. She will get huffy and probably storm off (at least my Mom would) but if you give her a day or two I think she will come to her senses. And when she does get snarky do your best to grit your teeth and not let your frustration show, calmly tell her that the decision is not up for discussion and that it is her choice to stay and help you or go do something else. I wish you the best of luck and smooth sailing from here on out:-)
Post # 10
my best friends mom was like this her whole wedding process and it was really wearing on the bride.
I would tell your mom that her criticism and obvious disapproval is hurting you and wearing you out. Tell her she can be involved if she tries to understand your tastes and preferences and doesn’t dismiss them or put up a fuss about them.
In the end, it’s one day–and then it’s over. And you’ll be on your own to handle your home as you want to!
Post # 11
My mom keeps asking me if I’m sure about our wedding. When I was little I always envisioned a “Cinderella” wedding. When FH and I started plans, I realized there was no way the “Cinderella” thing would work with him. It’s fine wtih me. We are very into fishing and hunting and outdoor activities. I just can’t picture us having the “Cinderella” wedding I always envisioned. My mom apparently is all hurt about it, but she has said “It’s your wedding” on numerous occasions and all I ever say is “Yes, it is.” I feel I am making the right choices. If she doesn’t agree, well that’s on her. I love her, but I am not going to force FH to do something that wouldn’t reflect him at all.
Hopefully my mom and yours will realize it’s not THEIR wedding. 🙂
Post # 12
Thank you so much everyone for the advice. I feel like I have a better grip on how to handle my own emotions when she gets like this.