(Closed) How to deal with my fiances CRAZY step-mom

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, luckily you still have plenty of time before your wedding, so you can just brush off all comments/questions about it with “Oh goodness, I haven’t even thought about it yet! There is so much to consider, but I have faith FI and I will make the right choices”.

Post # 4
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My opinion, get her focused on the rehersal dinner.. it will give her something to plan and keep her out of your hair…

Post # 5
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Be very vauge in what you talk about.  If she asks about your centerpieces, just say, “Oh you know, we are in the process of selecting some flowers, but I am going to probably leave it up to the florist”.

Post # 6
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it depends on the item, too.  My sister’s FMIL lent her a plastic crazy crown for “Sparkle Day” at her school (she’s a kindergarten teacher).  She told my sister that she should seriously wear it for the wedding.  My sister has decided to tell her that she took it to the hairdresser and they said there was “absolutely no way to put it in her hair properly”.  🙂  Just come back here for some excuse suggestions!  I hate lying, but I honestly feel like white lies are the best when it comes to people with sensitive feelings.

Post # 8
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My FI’s stepmom is on the crazy/eccentric side too. My way of dealing with her is A) Avoidance, and B) Giving her a special job. If she feels like she’s contributing in some way (ie Can you make sure there are bubbles on each chair, or you’re in charge of wrangling the 4 year old ring bearer), she’ll keep quiet, happy and out of my way. So far so good!

Post # 10
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My FMIL is crazy too.  And it’s been a complete battle every step of the way.  I agree with what everyone else has said so far, and remember to always just say, oh actually FI and I were thinking of doing THIS.  As long as you and FI are on the same page, thats all that matters.  Just keep reminding yourself that it’s YOUR wedding.  Make sure you and FI are making creative decisions, and you can have FMIL help assemble things.  That way, she’s included, yet shes still seeing your idea through. 🙂 

Post # 11
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My FI’s Stepmom is a nut job too! So far she hasn’t said anything to me about the wedding I guess because I don’t even entertain that woman. I let FI deal with her and if she has something to say she can relay it to him and he will tell her no anyway. He can’t stand her either.

 

Good luck dealing with your FI’s stepmom. I’ll say just don’t talk to her too much about the wedding.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with bakerella about the avoidance and giving her something to do.  Ours took the rehearsal dinner, I didn’t offer..she just saw somewhere it’s something that the groom’s side does and she snatched it.  But as long as that keeps her from pawing at the wedding I’m happy.  The avoidance too is how you have to go…  Not the mean side but just don’t do anything to interact/provoke and when she does be nice and cordial.  My FMIL goes through these swings of crazy and it’s like a storm….that we just have to wait out.  At first I was getting defensive and angry towards her when I’d find out she was against our wedding, didn’t like me, had issues with all sorts of things.  Which is odd because when we first met she was really nice and sweet.  She’s even sent me birthday cards… hello if you hate someone, you don’t send a bday card!?!?  So I think she doesn’t hate, she’s just afraid of how quick the engagement happened and how her son is grown up (30) and doesn’t need her anymore.  I’m just wishing she’d drop the pettiness as life is so short.  A mutual friend of all of ours passed away last year at the age of 30 not even two months after getting married.  That’s made me realize there are more important things than being petty over stupid things and taking her nutty moments to heart.  Sadly I fear that she’s doing more damage to my future hubby than me.  I’m done badmouthing her in response to her issues towards me.  But he still has to hear her shit when she’s moody.  And despite him saying he’s paying no mind, it still upsets him.  And with all the PTSD and depression he’s dealing with from serving in Iraq and getting a tramautic brain injury, he really doesn’t need her causing him stress.  If she continues to do so in the next few weeks, I’m going to email her and tell her exactly what she’s doing to him and advise her to stop or else she’s surely going to loose her son.  I won’t force him to stop talking to her but I won’t have her making his conditions worse.  He already guilt trips himself enough about things.

At any rate… sorry about the rant.  I feel your pain!  Just do as the others have advised and take her actions with a grain of salt.  Avoid but be civil.  And as long as your FI is on your side of things, you guys will be fine.  And if you must, pull the bridezilla card…  it’s there just for that!  😉  Remember it’s your wedding and you can plan it how you want.  If she wants to give advice, tell her you guys will talk about it but you have other ideas that it might not work with.

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