How to deal with my Mother?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i think the best thing for you to do is get closer with your “step-father.” It seems like hes hurt that his own children dont call him and maybe could use a little bonding time with you and your sister to get to know you guys better, and so that way he can be some kind of father figure to you guys even if its more like friends. Other than that im not sure what to tell you, ive been in the same situation where my mom was more concerned about boyfriends feelings than mine and my brothers. The most you can do is let your concerns be heard and if she doesnt get the hint then cut off communication for a bit. 

Post # 4
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think we forget sometimes that moms are human too, and they make the same mistakes as all of us.  I feel like I’m safe in saying that the overwhelming majority of us here have totally bailed on friends & loved ones because we were SO caught up with an “amazing” bf/gf.  For 18 years, she’s been single.  And all of a sudden, she’s in this crazy, whirlwind romance.  Give her space and give her time, she’ll realize how she’s acting. 

Post # 6
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@DuckyPDuckerson:  wow thats discouraging… i sure hope its not him controlling your mother and shes too blind to see it because shes in love. 
 

Post # 8
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@DuckyPDuckerson:   “I try not to talk to you and your sister because it hurts Husbands feelings,  that you and her make an effort when his own kids dont and it causes us to  fight.”

Wow. I’d be very concerned if my mother said that. It’s a sign that he’s controlling her – he’s controlling who she’s allowed to talk to. He’s even isolating her from her own children.

I think you should persist in trying to maintain contact. If she offered that excuse again, I’d flat out tell her that’s a cr*ppy excuse for not talking to her own children.

Post # 9
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee

@paula1248:   I agree with you. Not only is it controlling, it’s also immature. Ruining someone else’s relationship with their kids because yours don’t talk to you is NOT an okay way to handle things. She said they have fights over it? WHY?! HOW DO YOU EVEN FIGHT ABOUT THAT?! Like it’s one thing if he mentions that he’s upset that her kids talk to her but his don’t, it’s another to fight about it. What does he say? “You’re mean for having a good relationship with your kids!” I can’t even wrap my head around it.

A lot of other bees must be much better women than I am. I would be hurt and pissed off and I would tell my mother that unless she wants us to have the same relationship as him and his kids, she needs to tell him to suck it up. You are her CHILD for God’s sake. You will always be her child. This guy may or may not always be her boyfriend/husband/whatever. You should not be pushed away for ANY man.

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