Post # 1
Darling Husband has 13 nieces and nephews on his side, plus two on the way – yeah, he has a lot of siblings.
I have one, born just a few months ago, to my one brother and sister in law (who has no siblings of her own).
We’ve been arguing a lot because I want to send the new little one some gifts and he says it’s inapropriate because we aren’t sending the ones on his side gifts. My brother and sister in law are understandably kind of upset that I haven’t celeberated their new addition with gifts, as am I. I keep seeing clothes I’d love to send her and Darling Husband gets angry and says we can’t buy her anything because we’d have to do everything equally.
How do you deal with this kind of numbers disparity between families? Do it really have to be even? We’ve been buying everyone on his side Christmas gifts (max $15) but I can’t help but feel this one new little girl deserves more from me than a $15 gift at Christmas. I’m her only aunt! Help!
Post # 3
As someone with 13 cousins, I never received gifts from my aunts and uncles. My mom started a tradition where she knit a stocking for each of my cousins (as well as my siblings and I) for their first Christmas. She’s a couple cousins behind, but at least it was a standard gift. Rather than spoiling your blood related nieces/nephews and not spoiling your nieces/nephews-in-law, why not make a home made gift for each of them that is heartfelt but inexpensive.
Post # 4
@asscherlover: I, too, have a lot of cousins (17 first cousins) and I never received gifts from my aunts and uncles. It was just easier on everyone that way.
Sadly, any little ones born to SO and I probably won’t have any children as my only sibling doesn’t want any kids, and SO is an only child. I wish I had the option to spoil some neices and nephews! 🙁
Post # 5
The thing is, I don’t have any friends and my sister in law is really the closest thing I have to one. And I love this little girl. I am not crafty, so homemade gifts are out.
I just feel like crap right now. I wish I could share in their joy.
Post # 6
I don’t think it has to be even! If you want to buy something for your brother’s new little.. go right ahead! He can buy things for his side if he wants to. I know I would be really sad if I “wasn’t allowed” to buy my nieces and newphews anything.
Post # 7
Share in their joy! I say just buy her something if you want to. I have one sister who has one daughter. I love her to death. My Fiance has two nieces and one nephew. Honestly, I buy my niece whatever I want and I do buy her things. Whenever we see his nieces and nephew we bring them group gifts, like a board game or something. My Fiance is not as close to his sister and I am to mine, so maybe that makes a difference and the children on either side don’t know each other so it isn’t like anyone mutual notices except us. She is your niece and you are the only aunt she has to spoil her. I definitely buy my niece things. She is so adorable, I can’t help myself. Especially if you can buy her adorable dresses and shoes! My Fiance have joint accounts and separate accounts so if he had a problem with it I would just pay for it out of my own account that he can’t complain about. But on the other hand, your time is the best thing you can give someone. Maybe you can share in their joy by visiting them, your brother shouldn’t need a gift, and you shouldn’t feel like material things are the best way to celebrate with them.
Post # 8
Maybe things could be equal in cost? Then at least it would be fair in some ways. As a pp suggested, I know a lot of couples that each have some of their own “fun money”. If you do that, then you can spend some of yours on your niece, and if he wants to spend some of his on his nieces and nephews he can as well 🙂
Post # 9
Also, you are 1 of 1 aunts to your niece on your side, compared to 1 of several aunts/uncles on your FI’s side. The reality is that over her lifetime, you will probably be a lot closer to this niece then your other nieces/nephews. I feel no guilt over buying more/nicer gifts for family members that I am closer to, then famiy members that I am not close to.
Post # 10
Send the gift!! It’s their FIRST baby. I have 10 nieces and nephews, 2 great neices and a new grand nephew. Darling Husband has two nieces and one on the way. We each buy for our own side. I don’t buy presents for the nieces and nephews once they are over 18 (once in awhile if i see something special). We never said anything, it just worked out that way.
I’ve bought a present for every single new neice or nephew (except the last and I AM getting on that soon) when they were born. I’m usually too excited not too get something. Don’t you have you’re own fun money? You could use it out of that.
Post # 11
Darling Husband is being ridiculous. His brothers and sisters have no way of knowing if you are giving gifts to your niece.
Different families often have different gift rules/traditions, and the only way to keep the peace is to follow the tradition for each family. So if his family gives small or no gifts, that has no impact on how you deal with your side. Because, like I said, his side has no way of knowing what you’re giving to your niece.
And that’s how I deal with it: follow the tradition of each side. On my side of the family, gifts from aunts/uncles stop when the child is a teenager. On his side they don’t.
Post # 12
Sorry love, but your husband’s being a nut about this. You should absolutely send the new baby on your side a gift — and then when the “two on the way” on his side arrive, you should send them something too. You don’t have to send all the nieces and nephews on that side something when the new babies arrive, either. Being born is a pretty legitimate thing to want to celebrate.
Is it possible that this concern for fairness between the two families is coming from some other sort of issue or conflict?