Post # 1
So basically me and OH having been discussing getting married and the most attractive way to us is to get married with two of our closest friends as witnesses. No other friends, no family, simple and easy.
But I wouldn’t have the first clue how to explain this to our Mums. (I don’t have a Dad so there are no ‘walking down the aisle issues). I’m not sure about OH’s mum but I know my Mum will be upset not to be at her only daughters wedding. I especaily don’t know how to tell he because my Dad re-married without my brothers or me and she was sooo angry.
Anyone have the same problem? How did you guys do it?
(Also, I’m new so Hi )
Post # 3
Could your mom be one of your witnesses? Since you don’t have a father in the picture, and you’re an only daughter, this might be a good option. Unless then you are worried that OH parents would be pissed that your mom went and they didn’t. Or another good compromise would be to have both sets of parents there, the two witnesses and that’s it. Still small, simple, not expensive. 🙂
For me it was a bit different. I’ve been married before, so my family has already seen that, dad already has walked me down the aisle, etc. So I just texted them a picture of us holding a sign saying “we eloped” (see my avatar) and that was that. 🙂 They were shocked, but I knew they would be. haha!
Post # 4
@Jeo4500: I would consider having your mother as one of your witnesses. If that’s not right for your situation, then you and your husband will just have to deal with the fallout.
My uncle got married without my grandparents, and it’s still something people talk about, decades later, even after my grandparents are gone. I think it was the right choice for him, but it’s not something anyone ever forgot.
Post # 5
@GFerg: I think OH’s Mum would be upset. I wouldn’t mind just my Mum and OH’s Mum (he doesn’t have a Dad either) but that would be it.
However OH has a massive family, brothers and sister that would come with his Mum. His grandparents would probably come too maybe some of his Aunts and Uncles would want to come as well. And as much as I love his family (I really do, I only have my Mum and one brother and they (his family) have welcomed me with open arms) I don’t want a load of people there.
I would definatly have a dinner/party for the families afterwards but I really want a nice quiet afternoon, with the bare minimum of people for when we actually marry.
Post # 6
@Jeo4500: Are the Moms available on short notice? Or do they have schedules you would have to work around?
If they are available on short notice, you could simply surprise them with the wedding. Drive by, pick them up and take them to the wedding.
Or, if you want to give them some information so they are dressed appropriately, plan an afternoon get together. Is there somewhere near you that serves afternoon tea? Many Moms like that. Instead of afternoon tea they get afternoon wedding.
The surprise aspect eliminates the worries about the extended family.
Post # 7
@Jeo4500: Well you have to put a stop somewhere on the guest list, even if you were having a traditional wedding, right? You’d never be able to invite every single person most likely, So why not just do your mom, his mom, and the two friends. Then have the party and the massive family can attend that. 😀
Post # 8
@julies1949: OH’s Mum has a baby but we could always make it a morning wedding and arrange it whilst he is in playground or he could, of course, come to it. I know he’d look cute in a little suit. I really like that idea, something to think about thanks 🙂
@GFerg: That’s true! I used to obsess about who I’d take from my Dad’s side of the family (torn between not being close to them but being obligated to invite them anyway) but that’s no longer an issue. I just hope we can make OH’s family understand why. I know my brother won’t care about not coming though!
Post # 9
@Jeo4500: What is “OH”???
Post # 10
@BurlapnLace: Oh, sorry. OH is Other Half 🙂
Post # 11
Dang I thought it was unOfficial Husband. (but that doesn’t even make sense, apparently I can’t spell)
I would try to at minimum have your moms there to watch when you get married – moms can be a bit particular about these things.
How would you feel if your daughter/son got married and you found out they had considered inviting you but decided against it? I know I would be a bit hurt. 🙁
You can tell them the courthouse can only fit X people (which is usually true!!), so only they and a few friends can come to that, and that you have a guestlist set for your celebratory dinner later.
ALTERNATIVELY you can really elope – take a trip somewhere farther away without your moms, ask your friends to join you for the day you get married, and THAT way it’s not like you got married right in their town without telling them – you really went away and eloped.
The TRICK is to not include them in any other planning details after that – don’t entertain their opinions, don’t listen to their complaints, nothing. Don’t tell them your plans and don’t listen to theirs – family has a way of taking over a wedding like you wouldn’t believe!
Post # 12
@Jeo4500: I’m feeling a bit stalkery since I just replied to another of your posts, but I’m impressed by your wavelength! Also nice to see another bee this side of the Atlantic 🙂
We have had much of our engagement soured by battling with some of FI’s immediate family about not wanting a wedding that’s in any way traditional. We have been back and forth on many ideas but stuck to our guns and are going with the plan that makes US happiest. Everyone came round in the end – at the end of the day, hopefully what they want is a) to support you and b) for you to be happy. Sometimes people just need reminding…! Something that may help is to involve those closest to you in your discussions, so that they can see you aren’t just being flippant, and they can see your thought processes.
Post # 13
@CakeyP: I know my Mum would be devastated if we didn’t invite her! I think we will just have Mum’s and two friends and tell them it’s all arranged so they can’t but in with their plans! I don’t think they would interfer that much, my Mum understands that I am pretty headstrong and OH’s mum has a daughter AND two more sons who she can help when they get married.
@whybee: Hi fellow UK Bee 😀 I think the only problem we would have is with family would be not inviting OH’s siblings. We could sneakily get around that with mimumim arguments by having it on a school/work day though. Then again if my brother doesn’t go they can’t complain that his siblings aren’t going.
Post # 14
@Jeo4500: Hi and welcome!
Sounds like just inviting the mothers sounds like the best deal! Small and quaint.