How to deal with parents if we elope?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Could your mom be one of your witnesses? Since you don’t have a father in the picture, and you’re an only daughter, this might be a good option. Unless then you are worried that OH parents would be pissed that your mom went and they didn’t. Or another good compromise would be to have both sets of parents there, the two witnesses and that’s it. Still small, simple, not expensive. 🙂

For me it was a bit different. I’ve been married before, so my family has already seen that, dad already has walked me down the aisle, etc. So I just texted them a picture of us holding a sign saying “we eloped” (see my avatar) and that was that. 🙂 They were shocked, but I knew they would be. haha!

Post # 4
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Jeo4500:  I would consider having your mother as one of your witnesses.  If that’s not right for your situation, then you and your husband will just have to deal with the fallout. 

My uncle got married without my grandparents, and it’s still something people talk about, decades later, even after my grandparents are gone.  I think it was the right choice for him, but it’s not something anyone ever forgot.

Post # 6
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Jeo4500:  Are the Moms available on short notice? Or do they have schedules you would have to work around?

If they are available on short notice, you could simply surprise them with the wedding. Drive by, pick them up and take them to the wedding.

Or, if you want to give them some information so they are dressed appropriately, plan an afternoon get together. Is there somewhere near you that serves afternoon tea? Many Moms like that. Instead of afternoon tea they get afternoon wedding.

The surprise aspect eliminates the worries about the extended family.

 

Post # 7
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Jeo4500:  Well you have to put a stop somewhere on the guest list, even if you were having a traditional wedding, right? You’d never be able to invite every single person most likely, So why not just do your mom, his mom, and the two friends. Then have the party and the massive family can attend that. Wink 😀

Post # 11
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Dang I thought it was unOfficial Husband. (but that doesn’t even make sense, apparently I can’t spell)

I would try to at minimum have your moms there to watch when you get married – moms can be a bit particular about these things.

How would you feel if your daughter/son got married and you found out they had considered inviting you but decided against it? I know I would be a bit hurt. 🙁

You can tell them the courthouse can only fit X people (which is usually true!!), so only they and a few friends can come to that, and that you have a guestlist set for your celebratory dinner later.

ALTERNATIVELY you can really elope – take a trip somewhere farther away without your moms, ask your friends to join you for the day you get married, and THAT way it’s not like you got married right in their town without telling them – you really went away and eloped.

The TRICK is to not include them in any other planning details after that – don’t entertain their opinions, don’t listen to their complaints, nothing. Don’t tell them your plans and don’t listen to theirs – family has a way of taking over a wedding like you wouldn’t believe!

Post # 12
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Jeo4500:  I’m feeling a bit stalkery since I just replied to another of your posts, but I’m impressed by your wavelength! Also nice to see another bee this side of the Atlantic 🙂

We have had much of our engagement soured by battling with some of FI’s immediate family about not wanting a wedding that’s in any way traditional. We have been back and forth on many ideas but stuck to our guns and are going with the plan that makes US happiest. Everyone came round in the end – at the end of the day, hopefully what they want is a) to support you and b) for you to be happy. Sometimes people just need reminding…! Something that may help is to involve those closest to you in your discussions, so that they can see you aren’t just being flippant, and they can see your thought processes.

Post # 14
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Jeo4500:  Hi and welcome!

 Sounds like just inviting the mothers sounds like the best deal!  Small and quaint.

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