How to deal with people with a mental disorder?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

Do your research on Asbergers. It is a very difficult illness. What about doing research on things HE likes? That way when he comes to visit you will have topics already prepared. 

I worked with teenage boys with mental disabilities and one had this issues. I found if you show interest in what he likes, it makes it easier to handle the time and less blow outs. And he feels closer to you which makes it easier to bring up new topics. But isolating him, because he is different, is the worst thing you can do. He knows something is different and sees how people react and treat him and he has no idea why. 

Post # 3
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

cls9q:  Your brother has textbook Aspergers behavior. It’s not him being rude, he really can’t help the way he expresses himself. Do your guests know he has this condition? If he says anything out of line you can gently let them know that he has a condition. You don’t need to go into any more detail than that.

Post # 4
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your brother’s behavior is very typical of those with Asperger’s.

He isn’t intentionally being rude or awkward. I also want to add that there are many people who do not suffer from Asperger’s, yet they are still just as impolite as your brother is being. 

Research Asperger’s syndrome and remember that your brother has an illness. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  amiona.
Post # 8
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Having worked in the mental health field as well as being a consumer, I understand your frustration. Also, my brother. He tells long, boring stories and doesn’t notice everyone is bored. He is obsessed with computers and flashlights, and doesn’t care whether or not you are too. Picutre 15 people like that and you had a day at my old job. So, yeah, I get it.

It’s unfortunate that most will think he’s rude, because he doesn’t mean to be. Most people, as children, don’t have any filters. We say what we feel. But, the majority of us can observe and interpret other people’s reactions and learn from them. If we point out a dirty window, for example, we see a frown or a hurt look. For your brother and those like him, that doesn’t happen as intuitively. He isn’t able to take cues from others’ body language or facial expression, and likely won’t understand things like sarcasm and irony. It’s not something he’s just doing to be an asshole-his brain just isn’t made for being in tune to things like that.

Post # 9
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

cls9q:  It’s good that you understand that your brother can’t help the way he is, he’s wired differently and just doesn’t know that he’s behaving outside what’s considered the social norm.  It sounds like he recognizes that he’s different as well – which is good.

I think that researching some of the subjects that interest him might help you to have a conversation (or not be bored silly) when he’s around.  Perhaps if he’s coming to visit and you know he likes cleaning, computers etc you can have some jobs available for him to do.  I don’t mean to suggest you should just put him to work, but the person I know who as aspbergers is either talking or doing something to keep himself busy – he can’t just sit quietly.  

I think research for you is the best thing, although with a wedding coming very quickly I know you don’t have a lot of time to devote to extra work!  

Post # 11
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

cls9q:  It’s great that he’s excited and it’s great that you’re trying to be the best sister you can.  As uncomfortable as you can find spending time with him is how uncomfortable he can be in all social situations.  

It sounds like you’re making an effort to do everything you can to make him comfotable and I”m sure that will make for a great visit.  Best thing about netflix – there are LOTS of documentaries to be watched 😀

Post # 12
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

cls9q:  

I know. It just seems like you are very frustrated with your brother, despite the fact that he has an illness which makes him behave a certain way. That’s why I mentioned that he doesn’t mean to be rude. 

Being frustrated with your brother’s behavior is not a bad thing of course. I could be interpreting your thread opener incorrectly.

I’m very happy that your brother seems excited to be at your place. It is lovely that you want to understand him better.

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  amiona.
Post # 14
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you say, “That was rude,” or “Please stop criticizing my phone/dust/whatever,” will he stop or just keep going? If he can’t pick up social cues like body language, what’s wrong with just telling him he is offending you, and you’d rather change the subject? 

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