Post # 1
Hi Bees! This is going to be a mix between asking for advice and a vent session.
We live in an apartment complex and our landlord frequently rents to men who work in the Oil and Gas field (they pay higher money for the apartments). About a month or two ago three men moved into the apartment next to ours. I have noticed several times if I pass them they will turn around and look at me, look me up and down, and whisper or nudge each other. YUCK. I try to pay no mind to them, but it really creeps me out. It’s like I can feel them looking at me.
Yesterday DH and I were outside cleaning out his old car that he sold. It was 90+ degrees out and I was wearing high waisted shorts and a tank top. Something I feel is normal attire for someone in their early 20′s. I go up to our apartment to grab something and as I was unlocking our door I could hear them talking extremely loud in their apartment. “Did you see that sexy girl outside in her shorty-shorts?” “Damn! Yes!” “Was she the one we saw out there the other day?” “Yeah I am pretty sure she lives next door” “Man the things I would do to her!”…then I realized they were talking about me.
I don’t know how to describe how I felt. Part of me wanted to bang on their door and say “Excuse me?!” and the other part of me wanted to cry because I felt so objectified.
I went in the apartment, got what I needed, and went back out to my DH. He could see on my face there was something bothering me, so I told him I overheard them talking about me (I didn’t tell him all of the things they were saying). I had to stop him from going up to their apartment and saying something to them.
Now I feel weird if/when I see them again. I don’t feel like I should have to walk around in long pants and a hoodie just so men will keep their eyes to themselves.
Post # 2
I don’t think there is anything you can do if you’re not willing to confront them. You’re free to wear what you want and they are free to look at what they want. I really wouldn’t worry about it. Just ignore them.
Post # 3
lol there isn’t anything you can do. unless it’s TRULY bothering you, maybe your DH could tell them to tone it down. but i doubt that will help much
Post # 4
I agree with somethingblue. They can look and say what they want and you can dress how you want, and it’r probably best to just ignore it. Theyre probably just messing and trying to one up each others ‘manliness’ in harmless fun.
Post # 5
Personally I would have confronted them.
If you aren’t willing to do so, nothing will change.
Post # 6
BakerBee16: meh. I’d just take it as a rather (creepy) compliment. And be extremely happy that my FI is not like that! Guys like that make me respect my man that much more.
Lastly; age comes fast so you know what, I’d just enjoy the attention while I have it 🙂 Make the best of it in other words – you won’t change them!
Post # 7
That’s oilfield guys. I found a rare gem in that my guy works in the oil feild but doesn’t act like it. They don’t call them rig pigs for nothing
Post # 8
I dont keep my eyes to myself when I see woman that catch my attention, and its not like im gay. So I can only imagine for a heterosexual man. So yeah, ignore it.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t go as far to call them perverted… I think you’re being too sensitive.
This comes off as a #humblebrag to me.
Post # 10
Umm, men are gonna look, that’s just life. They are also gonna to comment to their buddies, again, just life. They were making comments in their own apartment about you, it wasn’t said to you. I’m sorry, but I think your taking this way too seriously, thinking way too much into it, and this in no way is something to be upset about. If they start saying things to you or coming off stalkerish, then it’s time to concern yourself but for now, ignore it.
Post # 11
cls9q: im sure these “pervs” said the same things your FH said/thought when he first saw you.
Post # 12
Ughhhhh. And this is why “Yes All Women” exists.
This is not ok behavior, and women shouldn’t have to just brush this type of thing off. Just because it doesn’t bother one woman doesn’t mean that the one who is bothered should be labeled as being overly sensitive or like she’s humble bragging.
This is gross. Women, actually, all humans, should be able to feel comfortable in their skin, clothing, and etc when walking by a group of people who feel like it’s necessary to objectify another person.
Post # 13
OMGMrsW2B: Totes agree. Except they said this behind closed doors in their own home, not shouting it at her on the street.
Youre telling me you and your girlfriends have never raved about how hot a guy looked? Come on. It’s human nature.
Post # 14
BakerBee16: Here’s the thing… As a Floridian, I wear short shorts and tanks year-round. I dress them up with accessories, wear wedges, embellished flats, do my hair/makeup, whatever. I wear any outfit to be comfortable and feel confident and so that I don’t look like a total slob next to my DH. I’d be lying if I said I did all of that just “because it’s hot outside”. While that is one reason, I also want to look/feel polished and a little cute and sexy. Having said that, I would be naive to think that pervy men don’t have those sorts of thoughts from time to time. A lot of men can look at a woman in sweats and think like pigs. The difference is that they are prone to voicing those thoughts in the presence of other men, especially behind closed doors. As long as that’s the case, I wouldn’t ignore it and would not take it personal. If they deliberately say something in your presence, that’s when it oversteps some serious respect boundaries and you really need to stand up for yourself.
Post # 15
OMGMrsW2B: that is ridiculous. Your gonna ask all people in the world to never look at another human being and think “that person is hot”? Lol, seriously!? You can’t tell me that some ridiculous hashtag is gonna change human nature, that’s denying science and evolution. Sorry. Not. Gonna. Happen.